Call it Education
by 20BlueRoses
Summary: It's 2003. The paths of two medical students collide. Two brothers yearn to reunite. But their past is clouded with secrets and they each have a lot to learn. This is their story of love and lies, education and alcohol. This is their struggle through brotherhood.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone!

I should probably be working on my (currently abandoned) fic or writing something about the recent drama our boys are going through, but instead I have been focusing on this. I'm currently on chapter nine and have a few more ideas which will hopefully keep me going for longer than that. I have no idea if the subject matter of this is something people will want to read, but I wanted to work on writing a longer piece that was realistic rather than sensationalised.

This story will have mentions to more adult themes, but I will put a warning ahead of any risky chapters. This first part is just scene setting, so well accessible to all. There will be a couple of my own characters included in the story, but the overall focus will be on the two brothers and I hope I am doing an okay job at depicting their complex relationship. I've certainly been enjoying writing it, anyway.

I would be incredibly grateful if you had the time to leave a review and hope you enjoy my story

x

* * *

Chapter 1

Ethan struggled across the carpark, with two bags in one hand and a large box tucked under his other arm. His parents were laden equally heavily and across the campus Ethan could see many other families weighed down by overflowing luggage. Although the area was awash with busy Freshers, Ethan was suddenly caught by the intense feeling that someone was watching him. He trailed to a halt and squinted across the field. He could just about see the outline of someone else standing still but the sun was too bright and his glasses not quite effective enough.

He jumped as his dad bumped into the back of him and swore loudly. Ethan felt his cheeks burning as a few nearby students turned to look. By the time he had apologised to his dad and recovered from the embarrassment, the feeling of being watched had gone.

They arrived at the flat to find a boy of a similar age to Ethan, fighting to open the door. His parents stood by his side, helpfully reminding him that they wouldn't be there with him for the rest of the year, so he may as well learn to do it himself now. The boy stooped to the level of the handle so that he could closely examine the twist-and-turn mechanism.

Ethan heard his own dad grunt and then a loud thump as one of the many bags hit the floor. Patience was not a virtue that David Hardy possessed. Ethan knew that it was only a matter of time before his dad made a sarcastic (and probably rude) comment and so he lowered his luggage and took a step forwards.

"Excuse me," he said, to his new flatmate. "May I try? We may as well figure out this strange contraption together!"

The boy didn't laugh at Ethan's joke but he did smile gratefully and shove his key fob into Ethan's hand. "At least someone helps!"

Ethan held the fob against the detector and waited for it to flash green. He twisted the door handle to the right and then pushed it down. The door swung open. "Voila!" He stood to the side and let the other boy enter first.

"Thanks, mate," he said. "I know who I'll be phoning when I'm locked out!"

Once there was enough space, Ethan led the way to his room. He was relieved to find he was the furthest but one from the communal kitchen and dining area, hoping that would mean he was less disturbed by noise. The room itself was small, but that was to be expected. It was the bareness that surprised him, although he wasn't sure why.

His Dad grunted again. "This is it?"

"This is it," Ethan confirmed. He tried to ignore the unease in the pit of his stomach. "I imagine I'll be very comfortable here."

"The amount we're paying, you'd think you'd at least get your own bathroom!"

Ethan's mum laid a comforting hand on her husband's arm. "This is much nicer than a lot of the rooms we looked around. Once we've made the bed and Ethan's put a few posters up, I'm sure it'll be lovely and cosy."

There was a silence while the three of them contemplated that. It was broken by another grunt from Ethan's dad and an announcement that he'd fetch the remaining luggage from the car.

Once he was gone, Matilda Hardy turned to her son. "You will be okay here, won't you Ethan?"

"I'll be fine and dandy," he said.

"It'll be quiet without you."

Ethan doubted that he made enough noise at home to make much of a difference, but he knew it was his mum's way of saying she would miss him. He had no doubt that he would miss her too but he was confident that he would cope. After all, he was well practised at ignoring thoughts about missing family members.

"I know you'll work hard," she continued, "but it's okay to have some fun too, you know."

Ethan laughed. "I'm not sure that's the advice you should be giving me!"

She dismissed his comment with a wave of the hand. "Well, once you're a top Doctor you'll have no time for such things. You may as well enjoy yourself while you can." She gave him a lopsided smile. "Don't tell your dad I said that!"

"Oh, of course not," he said. He deepened his voice in an impression of his father. "I'm not here to _enjoy_ myself."

Matilda was still smiling but it was a sympathetic one this time. "He just wants the best for you. Especially now-"

"I know, mum." Ethan wandered over to the window. He knew where her sentence would finish, but he didn't want to discuss it, especially on such a landmark day. "Not a bad view actually."

He watched the crowd of new students walking to their various flats and wondered which (if any) he would manage to make friends with. He'd heard that Fresher's Week was the best opportunity to meet new people, but he would have been quite comfortable sticking with the small group he'd been part of at school.

His thoughts were interrupted by the return of his father, who dumped another pile of bags on the floor and declared that it was much later than he realised. Ethan detected the insinuation within the statement and it appeared his mum did too, for she flung her arms around him and pressed her lips against his cheek. His father's goodbye was less emotional; a simple handshake and an 'I know you'll make me proud'.

Once his parents had gone, the room felt incredibly empty. He did his best to rectify this by unpacking straight away, making his bed and sticking a few pictures on the cork noticeboard. He carried the cardboard box full of his cooking equipment through to the kitchen, where a few of his new housemates were already getting to know each other. A particularly energetic girl jumped off her stool and flung an arm around his shoulders.

He nearly dropped his box. "Er, hello," he said.

She took the box off him and dumped it on the floor. "You can unpack later," she said. "I'm Tasha." She grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the rest of the group. "Let's hope I can remember. This is Luke," she said, pointing the boy Ethan helped open the front door. "Sonny. And Erin. We've got three more still to arrive."

Ethan waved at the others, feeling only slightly foolish as he did so. He was thankful that they all smiled back at him and no-one commented on his awkwardness. He took a seat next to Erin and realised that they were all looking expectantly towards him.

"Oh," he said. "I'm Ethan. Delighted to meet you all."

* * *

Ethan stood in front of his new bedroom mirror, worrying about his appearance. The way he dressed wasn't something which had ever bothered him before, but now, about to spend his evening with a group of extraverted strangers, his body didn't seem to fit comfortably into his usual clothes.

His dad always approved of a smartly dressed man and it was one the few pieces of his advice that Ethan actually agreed with. Yet his crisp white shirt and blazer didn't evoke the confidence they usually did. He realised he'd run out of time when a quick knock on his bedroom door followed by Tasha bursting into the room.

"Don't you look sweet!" she said. "Come on, drinks are waiting."

Ethan was alarmed to discover several of his housemates were already inebriated, but did his best to disguise his shock by forcing a smile and accepting the bottle that was shoved into his hand. He'd had beer a few times before and quite enjoyed it so took a large swig and settled onto a stool.

Someone's laptop lay precariously on the kitchen counter, blaring loud club music. Tasha and two others were already dancing around the kitchen. Erin and a girl Ethan hadn't met were preparing a fruit punch with copious amounts of vodka. Two of the guys were bickering over football teams. Although the room was occupied with the full quota of eight housemates, Ethan suddenly felt very alone. With nothing else to do with his hands, he returned the bottle to his lips. It wasn't long before the drink was finished.

Erin approached with a plastic glass full of her punch and insisted he tried it. It was sickly and tasted strongly of alcohol, but he felt rude to turn it down. By the time he'd been too polite to say no to three further glasses, the room was beginning to spin. It was an unpleasant sensation but one which he could tolerate as at least conversation was becoming so much easier.

"Your punch is magical," he told Erin.

The flatmates were rounded up by an overenthusiastic bunch of reps and hoarded towards the Students Union. Ethan staggered down the path between Tasha and Erin in the direction of strobe lighting and pounding music. Through the haze of alcohol, he gradually became aware of eyes upon him, just like earlier that day. He swung around, trying to pinpoint who was watching him. Although a few students glanced at him flailing about, it wasn't with the same intensity of whoever it was staring. He squinted, but couldn't determine who it was. The only possibility was a single figure, retreating through the crowd.

Erin laughed and pulled him back round to face the way they were walking. "What are you doing?"

"There was someone-" he began, but he couldn't put it into words. "Doesn't matter."

"Erin, I think your punch was too strong for some," Tasha said.

Every student was permitted a free shot upon entry. Ethan wished it was a shot of water, but he accepted one anyway and sipped at it, much to the amusement of his housemates. It was blue and syrupy, but he had no idea what flavour it was supposed to be.

The music was uncomfortably loud and not the genre Ethan preferred, but from looking around, it seemed he was the only one who felt that way. The rest of his flatmates were dancing and, as he had nowhere else to go, he joined in the best he could. His limbs didn't move smoothly and certainly not at time to the beat, but after a few more beers, he found it didn't matter anyway.

This time, when the feeling of being watched returned, he pushed his way through the crowd. He could hear his flatmates calling after him, but suddenly nothing mattered except discovering who the person was. He walked in the vague direction he was being watched from and noticed someone else pushing their way towards the exit. He didn't know if that was the culprit, but it was the only lead he had. He was so focused on following them that before he knew it, he was outside, cold and disorientated. Now that the throng of students had dissipated, the unfamiliar campus was dark and eerie. He stumbled slightly, even though he was standing still.

"Ethan," a voice called.

He knew that voice instantly, even though he hadn't heard it for years. He whirled around and locked eyes with someone he'd missed more than anything. Then he punched his brother.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the reviews/follows. I'm so pleased you think this story has promise.

Hope you enjoy :)

* * *

Chapter 2

Cal had didn't think he'd ever had a bigger shock than when he'd first seen Ethan and their parents earlier on in the day. He had frozen in the path of the many Freshers he was supposed to be helping, and stared dumbly in their direction. Even when he saw Ethan squinting towards him, he had been unable to move, overwhelmed by both fear and relief. It hadn't been until his mate crept up and gave him a shove that he was broken from his trance.

He managed to occupy himself within a block that wasn't Ethan's for long enough to ensure that his parent's car had disappeared from the car park. Once he had confirmed their absence, he circled Ethan's building three times; enough to decide he couldn't do it sober.

That evening, a few drinks in, Cal ditched his friends in favour of stalking around the Union looking for glimpses of his brother. He knew they'd presume he was after a girl but had no qualms in letting them believe that lie. He could hardly pretend it was an unrealistic assumption, anyway!

Ethan's blonde hair and glasses were easily visible through the crowd, even if he was still shorter than all the men and a lot of the girls. He seemed happier than Cal remembered him being and was laughing and dancing with his new flatmates. Cal headed to the bar and managed to skip the queue thanks to a bar maid he had been seeing on and off over the previous term. He slurped at his beer and contemplated his situation. The cruel things his father used to say to him invaded his head and he hated his father some more; those words usually only bothered him when he was alone, not in the comfort of a nightclub.

Cal remembered how his dad told him Ethan was better off without him. He'd always maintained this wasn't true, but seeing Ethan so happy now, made him wonder. Perhaps his little brother had grown stronger without him, without his corruption. But yet, out of all the Universities in the country, they had both chosen the same one. Surely that proved they were meant to be together.

He was on the verge of returning to his friends, when he noticed Ethan stumbling out of the Union by himself, clearly heavily inebriated. Cal followed quietly. He was still deciding how to act, when his little brother nearly tumbled to his knees.

His brother's name was out of his mouth before he even had time to think.

Ethan turned to face him. As their eyes locked, he visibly paled.

Then, Cal felt a fist collide with his cheek.

"Ow!" Cal said. He rubbed his cheek. "What was that for?"

Ethan didn't reply immediately, but clasped a hand over his mouth. "I'm going to be sick," he murmured.

Cal jumped backwards just in time to avoid the splattering of vomit that hit the pavement. He waited long enough to make sure Ethan had finished and then gave an exaggerated groan. "Right, let's go back to mine and we'll get you cleaned up."

"No, Caleb," Ethan said as he took two steps backwards. "I don't want to go to y-" He broke off suddenly to retch. "Urgh."

"Back to yours then," Cal replied, unperturbed.

"I can manage without you."

The statement uncomfortably echoed Cal's private concerns but was soon proven wrong by the direction Ethan began to stumble in. "Yeah, not when you're heading that way."

"Urgh." Ethan repeated.

Cal didn't give his brother the choice this time, but took him by the shoulders and steered him down the path towards the Fresher's halls. "By the way, you punch like a girl."

"You're obviously familiar with how a girl punches."

Cal snorted but didn't feel the need to verify his brother's comment out loud. It had only happened once and technically it had hurt more than Ethan's.

Once back inside Ethan's room, he sat his brother on his bed and went in search of a glass of water. There was an assortment of glasses scattered around the kitchen and all of them contained remnants of alcohol. He rinsed one out half-heartedly and filled it to the brim with cold water. He discovered an unfinished bottle of vodka, took a long swig and wiped his hand across his mouth. Although the taste was vile, it was nothing he wasn't used to. He stuck the bottle under one arm and headed back to the bedroom.

He crouched down in front of Ethan and held the water to his lips. Ethan sipped at it and pulled a face. He looked as if he was seeing Cal for the first time.

"Where have you been?!"

"Getting water," Cal said, indicating the glass in his hand.

"Not then."

Cal unscrewed the cap on his vodka bottle and returned it to his lips. His eyes remained on Ethan the whole time and he didn't miss the moment Ethan shuddered as the smell of alcohol drifted his way. Cal considered getting rid of the vodka, but he didn't see why he should have to call it a night just because his brother couldn't handle his drink.

"You could have at least phoned," Ethan continued.

"Why would I have done that?"

"To let us know you were safe?"

Cal shrugged. He fished a cigarette out from his pocket and lit it. He took a long drag, quickly followed by another and felt his body relax.

"You're going to get me in trouble by smoking, Caleb."

"Chill, Nibbles. I smoked much worse than this in first year and nobody cared."

Ethan's eyes widened at that but he didn't reprimand him for either the statement or the nickname. "Where did you go?" he asked.

Cal felt a shudder course through his body. He never wanted to remember those first few months after he left home, the time between finishing his exams and starting at University. He wedged the cigarette between his lips so that he could use both hands to take the lid of the vodka. "Most people would have asked why, not where," he mused, out loud.

"Well," Ethan said, his vowels a drawn out slur. "I know why, don't I?"

Cal nearly dropped the bottle. "Do you?"

Ethan stared at him dumbly. "Of course. Dad kicked you out for getting drunk and trashing the house."

The statement was so far from the truth that Cal would have laughed, had his chest not ached so hard. Of course his dad would have concocted some lie and of course his gullible mum and trusting little brother would have fallen for it. He took such a large gulp of the vodka that he spluttered it back up. He had not struggled to swallow alcohol that way for a long time.

"That's not what happened, Ethan," he said in a low, quiet voice.

"Then enlighten me!"

Cal shook his head and tapped the ash from his cigarette onto Ethan's bedroom floor so that he could take another drag.

"I'm sure he would have let you back once he'd cooled down," Ethan continued.

"Maybe I didn't want to come back."

Ethan shakily climbed to his feet and staggered over to the window. He opened it and took a deep breath of the fresh air. "I missed you, Cal."

"I missed you too," Cal said. He stubbed his cigarette out and joined his brother at the other side of the room, squeezing between him and the window so that they were face to face. He could smell the vomit on Ethan's breath.

Suddenly, the brothers were hugging each other with desperate arms. They clutched at each other with emotion that had to be unique to young and drunk, long-lost brothers. The embrace was tight as they both reassured themselves that the other was really there.

But after a few moments Ethan wriggled out of the hug and pushed Cal away. "No," he said. "You don't just get to pretend everything's okay after you've been gone for years!"

"Don't put this all on me," Cal said, his voice raised. "If you'd wanted me at home that badly you could have stuck up for me once in a while."

"You deliberately antagonised Dad."

Cal shook his head as he heard the repetition of one of their dad's most frequent accusations. "You're a brainwashed clone."

"You're the one who's like him, Caleb, not me!" Ethan's voice had begun to waver just as it always did in an argument. "You know what, just leave. I don't need you here."

"Oh that's right, Ethan," Cal said. "Bottle it like always. No wonder you never stuck up for me, you can't even stick up for yourself!"

Cal strode across the room and grabbed the vodka bottle from the floor. Although there were still a couple of mouthfuls left he downed it in one go. The liquid stung the back of his throat but it was a welcome pain that fleetingly distracted him from the failed reunion.

He turned back to his brother, hoping to see tears in his eyes and an apology on his lips. But instead, Ethan was composed and resolute, and Cal realised the Ethan from his childhood memories had long gone.

The way Ethan was looking at him sent hot anger coursing through his body and made his mind go blank. He only realised what he was about to do, a fraction of a second before he did it, when it was too late to stop. The empty vodka bottle flew across the room and smashed into the wall. Shards of glass littered Ethan's carpet.

The brothers both stared at the mess in shock.

"Get out."

"Ethan, I-" Cal said. The heat had left his body and he was beginning to shiver.

"Now tell me you're not like Dad."

Cal couldn't so he took one last look at the broken glass, another at his little brother's face, and then fled the room, not bothering to shut the door behind him. It was only when he'd made it all the way back to his shared house that he realised how he should have replied to Ethan.

Their dad wouldn't have smashed the bottle in to the wall. He would have smashed it into Cal.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews - I love reading them and please keep them coming :)

I'm likely to have limited computer access over the next couple of weeks but will try to keep uploading regularly. I'm most concerned about how I'm going to write!

I hope you enjoy this part.

* * *

Chapter 3

Ethan spent the next few days trying to convince his new flatmates that his disappearance on their first evening out hadn't led to a night of passion with another fresher. He had told them he'd gone home and straight to bed (by himself, of course) but he was such a terrible liar that they'd all seen through him straight away. He wasn't sure why he was so reluctant to tell them about Cal. Perhaps it was because he wouldn't be able to explain the complexities of their situation with the slightest bit of eloquence.

He had managed to avoid Cal ever since their argument. He didn't know if this was a stroke of luck or because his brother had been avoiding him as well. The latter concept would be the bigger surprise, for it was unlike Cal to shy away from confrontation or to comprehend when best to keep a distance. However, the Cal _he_ knew would never have thrown a glass bottle across the room, so perhaps he wasn't the best judge of character anymore. Ethan groaned whenever he considered such things and more than once his flatmates had given him a funny look and asked him if he was okay.

And on the whole, Ethan was okay. His flatmates comprised of three other boys and four girls, none of whom bore any similarities to his friends back at school. However, they all held their own interesting traits and personalities that Ethan was enjoying getting to know. Tasha was the liveliest of the group and, as such, he was surprised that she seemed to enjoy his company so much. She was frequently telling him he was sweet or funny or throwing her arms around his neck. He wasn't sure what to make of such attention, especially when Luke said she treated him like a little puppy.

In secret, he preferred Erin's company. If he had to pick, he would have said she was the most alike to him out of everyone in the flat. However, despite her interest in medicine and a strong desire to learn, she possessed confidence that he did not and was able to drink a vast quantity of alcohol without acting even remotely woozy. Ethan had stuck to beer the remainder of fresher's week and permitted himself a maximum of three in one sitting.

He had deliberated carefully about whether to tell his parents about Cal. He knew that his mum deserved to know the whereabouts of her eldest son, but also knew that she'd be straight on the motorway to see him. If that was to happen, he should at least warn Cal first.

The next time he saw his brother, Ethan was leaving a lecture and trying to keep up with Erin's excited chatter. Cal was leaning on the wall of the medical block and smoking a cigarette. Their eyes locked momentarily but Cal looked away as if smoking was far more important than his brother's presence.

For a few seconds Ethan played along, pretending that they were no more than students at the same University. But then he tutted to himself and made his apologies to Erin. Her questioning gaze followed him as he wandered over to Cal.

"What do you want?" Cal said.

Ethan fanned away a cloud of cigarette smoke as Cal turned to face him. "I just thought I should let you know that I'm going to tell mum you're here."

"No you're not!"

"She should know, Cal. She was devastated when you left."

Ethan thought that Cal looked upset at that, but his brother's face hardened so quickly that he began to doubt whether expression had been there in the first place.

"She didn't try to prevent it."

Ethan sighed. "She talks about you all the time. About how much she loves you."

Cal's lip twitched. "And Dad?"

Ethan was silent. Their dad only ever mentioned Cal when their mum was crying because she missed him, and that was only to declare they were better off without him. Apart from that, their dad never uttered his brother's name. It was as if he had become taboo.

"Thought so," Cal said. He inhaled the remainder of his cigarette and then threw the butt to the ground, stubbing it out with his toe. "Ethan, please don't tell them. Please."

"You're still selfish then."

"What?"

Ethan scrutinised his brother's face. He seemed genuinely confused. "Hurting Mum still, even when you don't have to," he clarified. "Just because of this absurd feud with Dad."

"You are so naïve." Cal delved into his cigarette packet and swore when he realised it was empty. He dropped the empty packaging on the floor.

"Are you going to dispose of that properly?" Ethan asked. To his surprise, Cal snatched the packet up and stomped to the nearest bin.

"I've done what you asked," Cal said when he returned. "So will you do this for me?"

"Picking up a piece of litter is hardly the same as lying to our parents, Caleb."

Cal bowed his head, any hint of a smile completely evaporated. "I'll do anything to stop you telling them. Just name it."

"Really?"

"Really. Anything."

Ethan sighed. "I don't understand why you're so against it. It's been over two years; surely it's time to bury the hatchet."

"I can't," Cal said. "I just can't." He ran a hand over his head. "Look, I've made a new life here and there's no room in it for _him_."

Ethan could remember his brother often being evasive when under pressure, but experience told him that whatever Cal was hiding was usually trivial. He recalled a distant memory of him and his mum laughing at a young Cal, desperate to hide his first crush. "And is there room in it for me?"

"It depends." Cal shrugged, but the nonchalance didn't reach his face. "I would like there to be. But I swear, Ethan, if you tell them I'm here then I'm transferring to a different Uni and you won't know which."

Ethan frowned and rubbed at his forehead. "I don't understand it," he repeated. "But you're my brother. I don't want to lose you again." He waited until Cal met his eyes. "I won't tell them. I don't agree with it, but I won't tell them."

"Thank you," he said. He moved as if to hug his little brother but then seemed to think better of it and held out his hand instead.

Ethan shook his hand, surprised at how clammy Cal's palm was.

"I thought," Cal began, awkwardly, "that maybe I could show you around town sometime?"

"That would be splendid."

* * *

Ethan arrived back at his flat feeling more energetic than he had done since first arriving at University. The looks he was getting from passers-by confirmed that he was smiling idiotically, but the relief at reconciling with his brother was something he couldn't help but grin about.

But then he noticed Erin sitting cross-legged outside his door, placing her bookmark back into her novel.

"Erm, hello," Ethan said.

"Hi," she said, brightly. "So, you never told me you were friends with random older men."

"You make it sound so seedy." Ethan joked. He forced a laugh.

"I just want to know who's so special that you leave me alone in the company of Depressing Drew. Honestly, I feel as if all the goodness in the world has been zapped out of me!"

"Surely not," Ethan said. "When you have the company of an interesting book, everything else fades to insignificance."

"I'd be inclined to agree if it wasn't for your dreadful delaying tactics. Spill."

Ethan sighed. He unlocked his door and held it open, indicating for Erin to enter. She immediately bounced onto his bed, much more comfortable in his room than Ethan would feel in hers. He sat next to her, his leg twitching restlessly.

"He's my brother," Ethan said.

"You didn't mention you had a brother."

"No. He's not been around much recently." Ethan paused, thankful that Erin didn't immediately press him for more information, giving him time to collate his thoughts into a coherent sentence. "To be truthful, I didn't even know that he was studying here until our paths collided a few days ago."

"And how did that go?"

"I punched him. He smashed a glass bottle against my wall."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Ethan mouth twitched into a reluctant smile. "I think we'll be okay though."

Erin put a reassuring hand on his leg. "What were you two like as kids?"

"Cal's been irritatingly confident all his life," Ethan said. "But I idolised him when I was very young. I even tried to join the school football team because he thought it was cool. Of course, I was substituted every match and that was actually preferable to playing." Ethan laughed at his own lack of sporting prowess. "He was the kind of child that would steal my toys and get away with it, yet if I stole his he would scream and cry and get an extra treat to make things better. I always kind of admired him for it though; at least he knew how to get what he wanted."

"Whereas you just did as you were told?"

"Exactly. Especially when we were a bit older. I think Cal was the epitome of the stroppy teenager. He did everything he could to provoke our dad – not that it took much." Ethan paused, lost in memories. "Sometimes I tried to cover for him, but it never worked. Eventually they had one argument too many and Cal left."

"What happened then?" Erin asked.

"Nothing," Ethan said. "He left and we heard nothing more from him."

"That must have been tough."

Ethan shrugged. He had already told her much more than he had anticipated, but there was something so trusting and understanding about the way she interacted with him. He couldn't start talking about his feelings to her though. The Hardy family were not well practised at admitting how they felt.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews and I'd love to receive a few more if people can spare the time :)

I enjoyed writing this chapter so I hope you enjoy it too

* * *

Chapter 4

Cal arrived at Ethan's flat wondering whether his brother would have changed his mind. He knew Ethan would struggle to say a direct 'no', but may come up with some urgent essay that needed to be written, despite the fact first year really didn't matter.

He rang the bell and waited. Eventually a pyjama clad girl answered and squinted at him through red eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so hungover. I don't even know if I know you."

"You don't," he said. "I'm Ethan's brother."

"Ethan's got a brother?" she asked, sounding as if it was the most surprising thing she'd ever heard.

Cal tried not to feel offended. "He had last time I checked."

"You don't look like him."

"I know," Cal said, smugly. "I'm very fortunate."

The girl laughed. "Aw, don't be mean! Ethan's a little cutie."

Cal pulled a face. He could imagine the girl was attractive once the mascara stains had been scrubbed from her cheeks. He hoped she wasn't so enamoured with his brother that she would be adverse to a bit of fun. "Looks like this flat's full of cuties."

"Oh shut up and come in," she said, dragging him through the door. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't think Ethan's up yet, but you can wait with me. I'm Tasha."

Cal gave what he considered to be his most charming smile. "As tempting as that is Tasha, he's expecting me and my brother is a stickler for time keeping."

On cue, Ethan appeared from his bedroom. He had his satchel in one arm and his jacket in another and so fumbled with the room key as he tried to lock it. Cal watched with amusement but he had the sense to keep witty comments to himself for now, knowing that it could jeopardise any budding relationship.

He ushered Ethan out of the front door ahead of him, so that he was unable to notice the kiss he blew in Tasha's direction. She made an attempt at pulling a stern expression but Cal could see the hints of a smile tugging at her lips. He didn't fancy her that much, but it was wise to keep his options open.

As they walked around town, Cal kept up a running commentary of the areas they walked past. He recommended certain shops and restaurants and gave a detailed evaluation of many of the pubs and bars. Only a few of his anecdotes were clean enough for his brother's ears, but he told the ones he could and pushed the others to the back of his mind to share with his less innocent housemates later.

"I assume you like it here then," Ethan said when he eventually managed to interrupt.

Cal grinned. "You could just tell me to shut up, you know."

"No, no, it's good to see you happy."

"Thanks, bro." Cal turned to Ethan. "What about you, have you settled in?"

"I'm getting there," he replied. "I'm glad that Fresher's week is over and lectures have finally started."

Cal chuckled. "Only you, little geek."

"Well I can't envisage drinking games helping me to become a doctor."

"You'd be surprised," Cal muttered. He decided against enlightening Ethan about medical students' reputation on campus; he'd soon discover that for himself! "I remember you spending your whole birthday revising one year. And it was only for a mock."

"Whereas you turned up hungover for one of your final exams, did you not?"

"Still passed," Cal said smugly.

"Oh," Ethan said, squinting at his brother. "I see. You're _still_ turning up for exams hungover."

"Why waste a good drinking session?"

"Let me think-"

"Speaking of which," Cal said hastily before Ethan had chance to bore him with a list so sensible it would send him to sleep. "Let me introduce you to the finest pub in the city." He threw an arm around his Ethan's shoulders and steered him into the dimly lit building. "Time to buy my little brother a pint, seeing as he's all grown up at last!"

"It's not even midday, Caleb."

"It's okay, they serve 24 hours here," he replied, deliberately missing Ethan's point. "That's why it's the best."

Cal purchased two beers and slumped onto a chair opposite Ethan, pushing one pint towards him. He couldn't stop looking at his brother and was beginning to worry that he looked like a love-struck girl. Ethan had changed so much in the two and a half years they'd been apart. Despite his trade mark glasses and gelled blonde hair, something was different and Cal couldn't put his finger on what. Perhaps his brother's face was slimmer or his shoulders broader; perhaps he had grown, even though he remained ridiculously short.

Ethan was different when he spoke, too. His stammer was gone and there was no hint of a nervous twitch within his jaw. He still smiled shyly but he seemed able to air his thoughts with more confidence than he had done before and said what he thought rather than what was expected of him.

Cal noticed Ethan staring at him and wondered if they were having similar thoughts. He took a large swig of his beer and couldn't help but feel pleased when his brother mirrored him. He remembered how Ethan had always copied what he did, until he reached his teens and started rebelling. The mimicry stopped then; Ethan always remained well behaved.

"Where did you live over summer?" Ethan asked, breaking the silence.

"Rented a bedsit. It made student accommodation look like paradise, but it was dirt cheap." In truth, Cal hadn't minded the bedsit. It was small and dirty but at least it was his.

"And now?"

"House share with three other guys. I'll show you."

"I'd like to see." Ethan took another sip of his beer. "Girlfriend?"

"No-one serious."

"Exam results?"

Cal burst out laughing. "What is this, Nibbles, an inquest?"

"I just want to know you again. You ask me something."

Cal considered over a mouthful of his drink. There was so much he wanted to know, but most of the questions were impossible to ask without turning the conversation into something much more sombre.

A smile returned to his face as he thought of the perfect question. "Do you still sleep with Fluffy Bear?"

Ethan looked down and gave a breathy laugh. "No, but he has pride of place on my desk."

"Knew it!" Cal snorted at the redness of Ethan's cheeks. "Just don't go bringing any girls back without hiding him first!"

"Goodness, no."

"So no girlfriend then?"

Ethan shook his head.

"Boyfriend?"

"Caleb!"

"I'm just asking," Cal said, with a grin. He couldn't help but feel pleased that he could still embarrass his little brother. He searched his mind for another question. "Erm… driving. Have you passed?"

"First time."

"No, that's not fair. I'm older, you can't pass before me."

"I already did," Ethan said, smiling. "What's it like being on placement in an actual hospital?"

"Amazing. Terrifying. Bloody hard work. It's better and yet a million times harder than I ever imagined."

"Caleb Hardy admitting he finds something difficult?" Ethan teased.

Cal rushed the beer glass to his lips and took a long gulp to recover from the use of his old surname. "Well it doesn't happen very often," he finally stammered, trying not to think of how Ethan would react to his name change. "But I swear I've worked harder on placement than I have the rest of my life put together!"

"And it's worth it?"

"Definitely! The adrenaline when you're saving someone's life is incredible."

Ethan toyed with the edge of a ripped beer mat. "But they can't all be saved."

"No." Cal looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye. "And I've been an emotional wreck more than once when we've lost someone. You learn to cope though, I promise."

Ethan's brows were still slightly creased. "That's not something they can teach you from books and lectures."

Cal shrugged, unsure if he was expected to offer any words of advice. "You'll be okay," he said, the best he could manage. "Drink up! We have plenty more stops on Cal's whistle-stop tour!"

Ethan groaned but drank the rest of his beer. "They don't all involve alcohol, do they?"

"Of course they do, little brother." Cal laughed loudly. "You know me."


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter, I love reading them and please keep them coming.

Sorry it's been a slower update. I've been without a computer, which unfortunately meant I haven't been able to upload. It's also been a problem with writing and broken up my story flow. I'm really hoping I get back into writing it soon, because I have loads of ideas, they just won't manifest into sentences at the moment.

I hope you enjoy this part

* * *

Chapter 5

Although Ethan was delighted to be back on good terms with his brother, he was beginning to get a little irritated at how often Cal would turn up unannounced. His flat seemed to be the ideal stopping point following a lecture, instead of a lecture, or when Cal wanted to scavenge a beer. It was almost as if they were children again, when Ethan's closed bedroom door never acted as a deterrent.

And even when Cal was otherwise occupied, both Tasha and Erin wandered in and out of his room as freely as if it was their own. Tasha was the most annoying due to her two principal agendas of persuading Ethan to participate in a night out or begging him to set her up with Cal. Neither were likely occurrences, but the first was fractionally more favourable. He knew his brother was still unable to commit to anything longer than overnight but wasn't sure how to break this to a smitten Tasha.

Erin was slightly more welcome. This was partly because she never asked him to choose which dress would impress Cal the most and partly because she came armed with a text book so that they could study together and discuss the most fascinating case studies. They would test each other and made a pact that if they both did well they were allowed to have a coffee break and chat for a while instead.

Ethan had never had a study partner before and, after successfully recalling the names of all 27 bones in the human hand, he held up his own hand so that Erin could give him a celebratory high-five.

"I'm delighted you're my first," he said.

She snorted. "Pardon?"

"My first," he repeated. Upon realising what he'd said, he felt his cheek begin to glow. "Study partner! First study partner." He shook his head slightly. "Life would be so much easier if people could read my thoughts."

"That would be my worst nightmare," she said. "Only a select few of my thoughts are for sharing."

Ethan chuckled. "Now you're making me want to know what else goes on in that head of yours."

"Oh, at least five things at any one time."

"Sounds painful!"

"It's called being a woman," Erin joked. "The one accurate stereotype is that we can multi-task – and that includes mentally."

Ethan smiled. "What about that stereotype about being very good at making coffee?"

"No," Erin said. "That's entirely inaccurate. But, despite the terrible hint, I am aware it is my turn."

She soon returned with two coffees in matching floral mugs and handed him one. "I hope you feel privileged, my mum bought me these."

"Very nice," Ethan said, despite the fact he had next to no opinion on the mug. "You're close with your mum, aren't you?"

"And my little sister." She sat down on the edge of the bed and inspected the duvet. "Since becoming just the three of us, we got a lot closer."

"Oh," Ethan said.

"You can ask, you know."

"I don't want to pry."

"You're not," Erin said. "And besides, you told me about your family; it's only fair." She paused to blow on the steaming coffee. "My Dad walked out when I was thirteen. No goodbye, no warnings, he just left and that was that."

Ethan took a gulp of his drink and tried not to react as the boiling liquid burnt his throat. "Do you know where he is now?"

"Up in Scotland somewhere. We get cards at Christmas and a phone call on our birthday if we're really lucky." She shrugged. "I don't care. I did at first, but not anymore. I've got all the family I need."

"Yeah," Ethan said, but he couldn't quite understand. He'd never stopped caring that Cal had gone, even if he pretended otherwise.

"How're things going with your brother?"

Ethan raised his eyebrows, wondering for a moment if his desire to have his mind read had come true. "Surprisingly amicably," he said. "He hasn't changed at all."

"That's good," Erin said with a smile.

"Knowing Caleb like I do, I'm not so sure that it's a good thing!" Ethan paused. "I do like having him around though."

"You must have missed him."

Ethan fidgeted in his seat, uncomfortable admitting it even to someone as understanding as Erin. Unable to put it into words, he simply nodded his head. "I think he's determined that I never miss him again. He's here every five minutes!"

Erin laughed. "Well it keeps Tasha happy!"

"She's undoubtedly besotted."

"Why don't you set them up!" Erin said. "She can entertain him when he comes over instead."

Ethan sighed. "I would if I thought it would last. Cal can't commit. I don't want to set them up just to see her get hurt."

"I reckon he likes her."

"No, he just likes the attention. Not that he's short of it; every girl fancies Cal."

Erin tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't."

Ethan didn't reply immediately and it was only when the silence began to get awkward that he realised she was waiting for him to continue the conversation. "Do you think I should warn her?"

"Who?"

"Tasha. About Cal."

"Do you fancy her?"

Ethan felt his whole body go hot. "Certainly not," he said. "Not that there's anything wrong with Tasha, I just-" He forced himself to stop talking and take a deep breath. "Tasha is a lovely girl, but no, I don't fancy her."

The corners of Erin's mouth lifted, presumably amused at Ethan's embarrassment. "Then don't get involved, Ethan. I think Tasha can look after herself."

* * *

It was much to Ethan's despair that he had completely run out of milk. He supposed it was because of all the coffee he was getting through now that he was woke most nights by his inebriated flatmates returning home. He hurried to the on-campus shop and was so focused on his urgent mission that he jumped violently as someone appeared by his side and slung an arm around his shoulders.

"Goodness, Cal," he said. "You frightened me."

"So I see!" Cal laughed loudly. "I was just on my way to yours, actually."

Ethan frowned. "I'm out."

"Out the closet? About time, little bro."

"No, Caleb. Out. Busy. Unavailable."

Cal removed his arm. "Anyone would think you didn't want to see me."

"I've run out of milk."

"Well what are you waiting for? Get to the shop! I'm not coming to yours if you can't even make me a decent coffee."

Ethan grunted. This was one of the many occasions that he couldn't tell if Cal was genuinely clueless or deliberately trying to annoy him. "Caleb," he said, cautiously. "It might be nice if you let me know beforehand if you wanted to visit."

"Why?"

Ethan sighed at the blank look on his brother's face. "It's just, some of my flatmates are finding it a little annoying that you're there so often."

"No, I don't think so. They all really like me."

"Well, of course they're polite, but-"

"Hang on, Ethan," Cal said. "I know what this is about."

Ethan's shoulders relaxed. "You do?"

"Yeah. You should have said something sooner."

"I didn't want to upset you," Ethan said.

"Don't be so daft!" Cal smiled. "Of _course_ you want to see where I live. And it just so happens I have some milk in the fridge. Or I'm sure someone will."

Ethan was still trying to work out what his brother was talking about, when Cal began to steer him in the opposite direction to the shop.

"My house is quite small," Cal warned. "And a little bit dirty. We're not as lucky as you first years with a cleaner every Wednesday. But, we're brothers. And what's mine is yours."


	6. Chapter 6

Hi all.

Firstly I want to apologise for the massive wait for this chapter. I've had laptop issues again and only just got access. I don't want to jinx it this time but hopefully any issues have now been resolved and I'll be able to post as regularly as I'd like to.

Secondly, I want to be honest and say that I have been feeling a bit despondent about this story. I really enjoyed writing it and was working on it for quite a long time before I posted any of it at all. But once I started posting I seemed to lose interest in the writing. Obviously being without a computer recently hasn't helped but also I was a bit disappointed to only have received 2 reviews for the last part. I'm not someone who writes primarily for reviews at all, but it is lovely to receive them and I'm incredibly grateful for the support I get.

I've reread all this story and I think when I was writing it, I became so wrapped up in it that I was unable to distinguish what was in my head from what I was actually writing, if that makes sense. In short, I don't think this is as interesting on paper as it is in my mind haha. But I'm going to post what I've written regardless (at the moment I'm on chapter 9 and 10) and hopefully I'm just doubting myself and it is actually okay.

Thank you for anyone who reads this and please leave some feedback if you can.

Also I should probably warn for some more mature content towards the end of this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 6

Cal wasn't stupid. He'd known for weeks that Ethan was getting fed up of him turning up at his flat whenever he felt like it. But the problem was, he was so often bored. And what was the point of having a little brother living nearby, if he wasn't able to rely on him for entertainment?

He also knew that he shouldn't have tricked his brother into coming to his, especially when Ethan had been so close to confronting him about his spontaneous visits. It always took Ethan a long time and burst of bravery before he was able to speak up about any problems he had. Cal knew he should have encouraged Ethan's assertiveness by letting him speak and a speck of guilt entered his mind. He quickly shrugged it away.

Now that Ethan was back in his life, Cal wanted to see him as much as he could. He wanted to make up for the two and a half years apart by spending that time with Ethan now instead. Every second they weren't together felt wasted. But he couldn't say that to his brother; it wasn't the type of thing that a man would admit. And every time he considered it, he felt sick with the thought that Ethan might not feel the same.

None of that mattered for the moment though, with Ethan by his side, laughing at his jokes and tutting as Cal warned him about the state of his kitchen. This was where Cal was happiest, in the city he loved with the brother he loved.

Cal was so busy focusing on how his little brother's face lit up when he talked about the report he read on the latest cardio-vascular developments, that he nearly strolled past his own gate.

"We're here, Nibbles," he said, grabbing Ethan's arm so that he did not walk on. Cal stooped under the overhanging branch but held it back for Ethan so that the path was clear. "Sorry. Bit overgrown."

"Can't be easy when you're drunk," Ethan said.

"Don't worry, I'm well practised." He grinned at Ethan. "We were planning on cutting it down, but there have been some robberies around here recently and we figured they might not target us if the house looks derelict."

"Perfect logic as always," Ethan replied. "I assume that's also the reasoning behind the discarded shopping trolley?"

"Nah, there's a much greater purpose to that." Cal stuck his key in the lock and jiggled it in both directions. "It's always a bit stiff," he said. "Ah, there we go!" He flung open the door and held out his hand, indicating Ethan to go first. "Welcome to my humble abode."

"Humble?" Ethan sniffed the air and pulled a face. "That smell is far from humble."

Before Cal could reply, another figure appeared from the kitchen.

"I know, right?" Cal's housemate drawled. "Matty blocked the loo but he won't admit to it."

"Makes a change, mate. It's usually you."

"Goodness," Ethan said.

Cal laughed at the look of horror on his brother's face. He slung an arm around Ethan's shoulders and dragged him further into the hallway. "This is Gus," he said, with a nod to his housemate. "He's American. Gus, this is my little brother, Ethan."

Ethan held out his hand and smiled. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Manners? Makes a change," Gus said, looking pointedly at Cal. "Good to meet you too, Knight Junior."

Cal felt something cold grab at his heart and he winced. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Ethan looking at him, confused and waiting for an explanation. Cal suspected he'd ruined any chance of Ethan glossing over the name when he had so visibly shuddered.

"Knight Junior?" Ethan repeated.

"Yeah, we always call him by his last name, ever since realising how many girls say that he's their Knight in Shining Armour." Gus paused to laugh. "I bet you get that a lot too, huh?"

"Not exactly."

Cal could tell Ethan was about to kill him from the creases on his forehead and the tremor in his right hand. He just hoped he would do it in private. He grabbed Ethan's shaking wrist. "Let me show you my room," he said.

Ethan snatched his hand back and for a moment Cal thought he was about to storm out the house. But then he bowed his head and followed him up the stairs. Cal closed his bedroom door behind them and turned round to find Ethan less than a footstep away.

"Knight?"

"Look, Ethan, just give me a chance to-"

"Why does he think Knight is our last name?"

Cal picked at a loose thread on the cuff of his hoodie. "Okay," he said, slowly. "Don't go mad, but…" He took a deep breath and rushed the next few words. "I changed my name."

"You changed your name?" Ethan repeated, coldly. "You wanted to forget you were ever a part of our family?"

Cal's head was beginning to ache and he rubbed at his temple. Ethan's accusation was unfair. Of course he didn't _want_ to forget his family but he had been forced to make his own life. "It's Mum's maiden name," he said. "It's not as if-"

"It's not my name."

"It's nothing to do with you," Cal said. "I just didn't want to carry a piece of Dad."

Ethan let out a grunt of frustration. "Turning your back on us wasn't enough for you then?"

"I didn't turn-" Cal began. It was futile, he thought. Ethan was so naïve, so _blind_ , that he'd never understand. "I needed a fresh start."

"It's always about what _you_ need. What about what I need, Caleb? What if I need a brother?"

"Then you've got one!"

Ethan shook his head and took a few steps away from him. "What made you hate Dad so much that you couldn't bear to have his name?"

"You should know!"

" _Tell_ me, Cal," Ethan almost shouted. "Because what's the point in any of this, in me trying to forget how much you hurt me, if you can't even answer a simple question."

"Because it's not a simple question," Cal replied. He could feel anger surging from this chest into his head and he took a deep breath to try to subside it. "Ethan, please. It's just a name. It doesn't change anything."

"Of course it does!"

"So, what?" Cal said. "You're willing to lose your only brother just because of a name on a stupid piece of paper?"

"It was _you_ who was willing to do that."

Cal clenched his fists and tried to ignore the way they were trembling. "No, Ethan. I never wanted to lose you," he said. "Please. We can get through this."

"I can't comprehend any of this," Ethan said. "How could you be so- so- cruel?"

"Cruel?" The word echoed around Cal's head. It was a description he could only relate to his dad. The way Ethan so carelessly attributed it to him did nothing to quell his anger. He held the back of his hand against his forehead to try to cool the rising temperature. "You don't even know the meaning of the word! Shall I show you?" Cal said. "Shall I show you what cruel is?"

"You already did!" Ethan shouted. "You already tore our family apart!" With a yell, he lunged at his brother.

Cal was so taken by surprise that the smaller man had the advantage. His back collided with the wall with a thud and it took him a moment to regain his breath. Once he had recovered, he pushed his brother back. The two of them stumbled across the room, their arms clawing at each other and their yells tinged with spit.

Amid his anger Cal wouldn't have noticed Ethan trip over a discarded shoe, had it not been for the way his little brother was careful to maintain a grip on the front of his hoodie. The pair fell together and landed in an ungraceful heap on the floor. They stared at each other for a moment and through blurry eyes, Cal thought that he could see Ethan tearing up as well.

Underneath him, Ethan wriggled and shoved Cal again to try to push him off. Cal shoved back and refused to move, glad that he was the one in control. "I don't know why _he_ ever thought you had the brains," Cal said. "You're thick. You're so bloody thick and you couldn't even see what was happening right in front of you."

"You've only ever cared about yourself," Ethan spat. "Who cares who gets hurt in the process as long as Cal's happy!"

"Well I'm not," Cal said. He crawled off Ethan and pulled his little brother up into a sitting position as roughly as he could.

Ethan scowled. "Good."

Cal's head was hurting more than ever now but he was grateful that the heat of his anger had finally subsided. "You're either on my side, Ethan," he said, "or _his._ "

"And that's exactly something Dad would say."

"Just choose," Cal said through gritted teeth.

"You're both as bad as each other," Ethan said. "I abstain; I'm not choosing either of you."

"Well done, Ethan, passive as always."

Ethan threw a disgusted look at his older brother and climbed to his feet. "I'll see myself out. Don't come to my flat."

"That's it then?"

"I need time, Caleb. Please respect that."

Cal shrugged. He could feel a tremor running through his body from the fear that Ethan might not forgive him. He clenched his fists and pulled his knees to his chest. It was his dad's fault, even now. His dad had poisoned Ethan against him. By the time Cal looked up, his brother had gone.

He waited for the sound of the front door slamming but he heard nothing, for his brain was screaming far too loud.

* * *

Cal grabbed a bottle of Bacardi from the kitchen work surface. It wasn't his. It could belong to any of his housemates, but Cal hoped it was Gus's. Gus was responsible for the cock-up that ruined Cal's day, so it was only fair he sacrificed his drink.

Cal half-filled his glass with the spirit and topped it with a few drops of Coke. The drink burned his throat but the pain was actually pleasant. It distracted him from the aches in his head and his heart. He downed the rest of the glass and pulled a face. Once he had managed to balance the two bottles and his glass under one arm, he stomped back to his room, poured himself another equally potent drink and lit a cigarette. He'd removed the batteries from the smoke detector long ago, so was confident he could work his way through several cigarettes without setting off any alarms.

He stuck a CD into the player and turned the volume up as loud as it would go. The music wasn't anything he usually enjoyed but an ex-fling had bought him the CD and he saved it in case he needed to impress another girl with similar taste. On this occasion, the thumping beat and strong alcohol held the purpose of helping him to forget.

Even under the influence, Cal knew roughly how many drinks he would need to reach oblivion, and the answer was more than they had in the house. The place he wanted to go was a club in town which supplied cheap alcohol and easy girls on mass, but it was several hours before the place would open, let alone hit its peak. Instead, he took a swig straight from the Bacardi bottle and caught a bus to the Student's Union.

Cal thought his day was finally looking up, when he saw his favourite barmaid was working. He'd lost count of the amount of times he'd slept with Bryony, but felt she was a kindred spirit, also opting for fun over commitment. She'd dyed her hair since he'd last seen her and he approved. Not many other girls he knew could pull off blue streaks, but she always suited a slightly alternative look. He sauntered over, wishing he'd had the nous to change out of his shabby hoodie. He winked at her and hoped he looked seductive, despite his attire.

"I'll have a shot of the strongest stuff you've got," he said as he slumped onto a barstool.

Bryony raised her eyebrows but selected a bottle and poured it into a shot glass. "Hello to you too."

Cal raised the glass to his lips and let the liquid run down his throat. He gasped away the taste and pushed the small glass back to her. "Refill."

"Money first."

Cal glared at her, knowing there were only pennies in his pocket. "Forget it then."

She sighed and rumpled her newly coloured hair. "You wanna talk about it?" she asked, in voice that strongly implied she did not.

"I'd rather drink," he said. "C'mon, just one more."

She tutted, but grabbed a pint glass and held it under the tap for his favourite beer. "If I get sacked because of you..!"

"I'll make it up to you," he said. He leant across the bar. "Come back to mine after you've finished and I'll do that thing you like, you know, when I-"

"I can't, Cal," she interrupted. She looked down and smiled sheepishly. "I'm with someone."

"So?"

"So, I'm with someone." Bryony put the full pint glass down in front of him. "I'm not going to cheat."

Cal took a slurp of his beer. It tasted funny as the flavour of the shot still lingered in his mouth. "I won't tell."

"No, Cal."

Cal scowled. He knew one beer wasn't enough to dull the ache in his chest. He needed something stronger, preferably in a large quantity, and he doubted the seemingly reformed Bryony would provide that for him. "You're no fun," he told her. He took his beer to one of the free tables and contemplated how much free booze a job in a bar could get him.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped violently when someone took the chair next to him. It took a few seconds for him to place the face, possibly because he was doing his very best not to think about Ethan, and this girl was one of his flatmates.

"Wow, you look happy," she said with a laugh. "What's up?"

"Life."

"It can't be that bad, can it?" She shuffled her chair closer to his. "Do you need a hug?"

Cal allowed her to throw her arms around his neck and he returned the gesture by placing one hand on the middle of her back. Surprisingly, he felt comforted, although there was a large possibility that was because the evening's potential had changed, rather than the embrace itself.

"Tasha," he said, when she finally released him. "I would never usually ask. But I'm skint and I've had a shit day. I'm dying for a drink. Is there any chance I could owe you one?"

"Of course, Cal," Tasha said without hesitation. "Seeing as it's you."

Four drinks later and Tasha was still paying willingly for both of their drinks. Although she had only had half as much as him, Cal thought she was acting much more drunk, giggling like a young girl and almost falling off her chair in her eagerness to stroke his arm. His own head was spinning but the alcohol was finally doing its job and it was becoming easier to smile.

Tasha was as generous with her words as she was with her money and talked almost nonstop, relieving Cal from having to explain any of the things bothering him. When he did get the chance to speak, he made sure he gave her lots of compliments. She was a pretty girl and wore a low cut top, so it wasn't as if he was lying.

The next time she paused between sentences he leaned over and planted his lips on hers. "You're so gorgeous," he murmured, against her mouth.

She responded by kissing him back.

He knew several students were watching, including Bryony, but he didn't care. Tasha was his one chance for this evening and he needed to take it. Sex was the only thing that did a better job than alcohol of curing his bad mood.

He walked her outside and used his body to press her up against the wall and kiss her more vehemently than they could sat side by side. "Come back to mine," he gasped between kisses.

They stumbled through the front door and up the stairs. As soon as they were in Cal's room and the door was shut, he felt Tasha's hands working their way under his clothes. She pulled off his hoodie and t-shirt in one motion and began to kiss her way down his collarbone, only stopping for long enough to let him remove her top and to unclasp her own bra.

They fell onto his bed, both naked from the waist up. Frantic hands pulled at belts and zips and fought with tight fitting jeans. Fingers explored unfamiliar bodies and lips found themselves meeting time and time again.

Tasha's hand came to a rest on Cal's hip and her fingers traced a red line on his stomach. "What's this scar from?" she asked.

He suddenly felt nauseas from the alcohol. "Doesn't matter."

She placed her lips on the mark instead of her hand. "Does it hurt?"

"No," he said. "Leave it." He grabbed the side of her jaw and pulled her back up so that their faces were level. She was less appealing now. He considered covering himself and asking her to leave, but he could see from the look on her face that he'd been rougher than intended and so kissed her by way of apology.

It wasn't long before their kisses grew more intense and he was no longer bothered that she'd asked such an intrusive question. He crawled on top of her and directed her hands to where he needed them. She worked at him, seemingly unbothered that he was hardly touching her in return. As their bodies moved in unison, he finally stopped caring. None of the other stuff mattered, not really. At least he could always manage to have a good time.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, thank you so much for the reviews from the last chapter. I think there's something wrong with the site at the moment, so I can only view the first 3 of them and I've seen that others are having similar issues, but I'm sure they'll show up again soon and I'm looking forward to that!

Not too sure what I think of this chapter - I find the even number chapters from Cal's perspective so much easier to write. Please let me know what you think :)

* * *

Chapter 7

In the weeks that followed, Ethan discovered how easy it was to block Cal from his life. Now that he was not regularly visiting, the only time they saw each other was in the distance at Uni when they could pretend they didn't even know each other as fellow students, let alone brothers.

Erin had asked him questions about their squabble at first, and suggested that it wasn't worth such animosity. However, she respected Ethan's opinion and his desire not to talk about it. Even Tasha seemed to have forgotten about Cal, having procured a secret boyfriend that required all her attention.

Unpredictably, it was Ethan's mother who wanted to talk about Cal the most. In the days leading up to Cal's 21st birthday, Ethan had taken several emotional calls from her. He was beginning to run out of things to say, especially when it involved feigning ignorance of his brother's whereabouts. More than once, he had considered telling her. But even when he remembered Cal's own treachery, something kept him from uttering the words.

"I just wish I knew where he was," his mother said again. "Then at least I could send him a card or present, even if he doesn't want to see me."

Ethan sighed down the phone line. "It's okay, Mum," he said.

"He shouldn't spend his 21st alone." She sniffed.

"I'm sure he won't." Ethan imagined Cal in a club surrounded by girls, with a drink in each hand. "He'll be with friends. He'll be fine."

"You don't know that," she said.

Ethan's jaw twitched as he fought against the words that fell into his mouth. He was certain Cal would spend his birthday partying and could probably even guess at which club, but he couldn't explain to his mum how he knew that. "What would you buy him?" he asked, "if you could."

"I know exactly," his mother replied. "You've seen that watch of mine, haven't you; the one for special occasions? I can't remember if I ever told you, but I got that from my parents for my 21st birthday. Many moons ago, I know."

Ethan chuckled. "You've told me," he said. "And it's engraved on the back, isn't it?"

"That's right. My name and my date of birth. My father has one similar from his parents. And my grandfather, too."

Ethan smiled as the ghost of an idea began to dance into his mind. "Almost a tradition."

"That's what I thought," she said. "I'd love to buy Caleb one." She laughed softly, "You know Cal, he'd probably prefer something flashy and tasteless, but I'd choose him a really smart watch. Something he can save for best. Graduation, possibly, and his wedding day."

"And you'd get it engraved?"

"Yes," she said. "Not that it will happen. Not when I don't even know where my boy is."

* * *

Ethan had explained his idea to Erin and she'd offered to come shopping with him before he'd even had to ask. He felt nearly as lost in the department store as he did in nightclubs, so was grateful she was by his side, dragging him to the right section and pointing out which watches she liked the best.

After half an hour wandering and not a single watch considered, Erin turned him to face her and gently slapped the side of his head. He looked at her in shock.

"Focus!" she said. "We're getting nowhere."

Ethan sighed. "I know. I'm a lost cause."

"Well, what's your price range?"

"No more than one hundred." He shuffled from one foot to other. "It's probably less than what mum would pay, but it's all I can afford."

"That's still a lot, are you sure?"

Ethan nodded. He wouldn't admit to Erin, but he was slightly reluctant to part with the money, as it would mean going without the new book by his favourite author and surviving off pasta for the next few weeks.

She linked arms with him and dragged him a bit further through the large collection. "I still think it's lovely you're doing this for him, though," she said. "Especially considering that you've fallen out."

Ethan shrugged. "It's really for mum more than Cal, even if she doesn't know. Although I didn't realise it would be this hard choosing."

"Choosing? You're not even looking." She laughed. "Come on, Ethan! It's Cal's birthday today, right? So you're going to have to hurry up."

"I know." He groaned. "Kindly help me."

"Well, are you after a specific brand?"

Ethan raised his eyebrows. "Are some better than others?"

"Of course they are," Erin laughed. "Okay, leather strap or metal?"

"Metal. I think."

"Silver or gold?"

"Gold," he said. "No, silver. I don't know."

"Ethan," Erin said. "You are an absolute nightmare."

It was largely due to an over enthusiastic sales assistant that a watch was finally purchased. It was gold and chunky and Ethan had no idea if his brother would like it, but as Erin said, it was too late to have second thoughts. The engraving was much easier to arrange and Ethan was pleased with the neatness that 'Caleb 14/11/1983' was inscribed on the back. He treated himself and Erin to a latte while he wrapped the watch box and scrawled his brother's one-word name onto the gift tag.

The next challenge was in delivering the gift without attracting Cal's attention. Ethan had planned on posting it through the letter box, but it was soon apparent that the rigid structure of the box would not come even close to fitting. The post for that day must have already been delivered so there was no chance of paying for its delivery and Ethan refused to hand it to Cal in person.

The only possibility they were left with was Erin's suggestion of ringing the bell and running away. Ethan felt foolish as he placed the little box on the doorstep and his hand was shaking when he pressed the doorbell. He stayed close to the door for long enough to check he could hear footsteps on the stairs and then turned and ran. As he and Erin sprinted down the road, he thought he could hear a distinct American accent calling Cal's surname.

They ran for longer than they needed and had turned three corners before their lack of fitness forced them to stop. As they struggled to catch their breath they burst into mutual laughter. An old lady walked past them and tutted at the disturbance. Once, Ethan would have been apologetic, but the look on her face made Erin laugh harder and so he did too.

Even when they were back at their flat, sat crossed legged on either end of Ethan's bed, their attempts at studying were frequently disrupted by fits of the giggles. Erin's were especially uncontrollable and when a name in a case study caused a fresh outburst, Ethan reached for his cushion and whacked her with it.

Erin gasped and laughed some more. "What was that for?"

"Every time you laugh…"

"It's not my fault she's called Gertrude," she said. A small giggle escaped.

Ethan held the cushion up in threat of an attack.

"Okay, okay," Erin said. She pulled a serious face. "No more laughing." She straightened her back, tucked her hair behind her ears and picked the text book up from the bed.

Ethan watched her pretend to read, one finger tracing the lines across the book. He knew she was putting on an act for him, by the flat line of her mouth. Even when Erin was concentrating or working hard, she still smiled. He could tell she was fighting to stop her mouth curving and the effort created an odd expression on her face. He couldn't help it; he laughed.

Before he had chance to prepare himself, Erin was on him, hitting him repeatedly with a pillow twice the size of the cushion he has used.

"Ahh," he said between thumps. "Ah, not fair."

"You laughed," she said. "This is revenge."

Ethan rolled over to try to escape the barrage of hits, but he rolled too far and fell of the bed with a thud. In the split second of shock that followed, he expected Erin to help him up. Instead, she dived on top of him and continued her attack.

He'd lost his cushion in the fall and so his only defence was to grab at her weapon. Eventually he stole the pillow from her and chucked it to the other side of the room. Their laughter was louder than before and continued even when they had picked themselves up and straightened out the bed linen.

Erin held out her hand to him. "Well it's safe to say I was the winner."

Before Ethan could raise a dispute, he heard a commotion in the hallway and his bedroom door was flung open. A red faced Cal stormed into the room.

"You told her?"

Ethan shook his head. "Who? What?"

"You know who!" Cal shouted. "Just because you're mad at me, you didn't have to go and do that!"

Ethan stood up and wished that Erin wasn't in the room to observe this. "Caleb, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You told mum where I am," he said, his voice breaking slightly. "You promised!"

"I didn't," Ethan said. "I swear, I didn't."

"Then explain this!" Cal said. He grabbed Ethan's hand and thrust a small box into it.

Even though Ethan immediately recognised the box, he still opened it to see the watch he'd bought only a few hours ago. He was relieved that its delicate face was still in one piece.

"That's from Mum," Cal said. "Everyone on her side gets one for their 21st."

"I know."

"So how the hell do I have one?" Cal's fists grabbed at his own hair. "How the hell did she get one to me?"

"I can explain-" Ethan began.

"Because you told her, didn't you?! Oh God, they know where I am."

"No, they-"

"You bastard, Ethan," Cal said. "You have no idea what you've done." He made a yowl of frustration and a clenched fist made contact with the wall.

"Cal, please-"

Before Ethan could finish, his older brother had stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The beautiful watch remained in Ethan's palm. He blinked rapidly and managed to prevent any tears forming but his eyes still burned. All the money and effort was for nothing. Maybe it was time to listen to his dad and finally accept that Cal wasn't worth the trouble.

Ethan felt a hand on his shoulder and a body by his side. "I'm sorry you had to witness that," he said shakily to Erin.

"Are you okay?"

Ethan took another deep breath and once he was sure he had his emotions in control he turned to face her. "I don't know why I bother. Despite everything he's done, I try to do something nice for his birthday and he throws it back in my face. Literally." He snapped the lid shut on the watch box and flung it onto his bed.

"He's an idiot," she said firmly. "He needs to appreciate you more. Try not to let him bother you."

"Oh, I won't," Ethan said. "Not any longer. I want nothing to do with him."

Erin smiled at him sympathetically and stepped forwards to pull him into a hug. It took a few moments for Ethan to relax, but then he folded his arms around her and pulled her close. Her soft hair brushed the side of his cheek.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"What for?"

"Being here," he said. "Being you."

Erin lifted her head from his shoulder to look him straight in the eyes. She smiled. She released her embrace with one arm so she could gently stroke his hair. "For the record," she said, softly, "I appreciate you." She moved her hand to his jaw.

Ethan let her guide him so that their faces were only millimetres apart. He knew what she was about to do and yet was still flooded with surprise when their lips finally met. She kissed him gently and he responded the best he could.

His body filled with relief when she continued the kiss, seemingly unperturbed by his lack of experience. It felt nice to be so close to her, only nice was the wrong word. It was wonderful and scary and a little bit disgusting seeing as they both tasted of coffee. It was exciting and lovely and he didn't want it to stop.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you so much for the reviews. I can finally read them again (although I hope saying this doesn't jinx that!) so please keep them coming :)

* * *

Chapter 8

Cal climbed out of bed and walked to the other side of the room where his clothes lay discarded. He pulled on a pair of jeans and turned back to face Tasha. She had made no effort to get up but had at least manoeuvred herself into a sitting position. She had not pulled the duvet up with her and so remained exposed from the waist up, her blonde curls barely concealing anything. She winked at him, flicked her hair behind her shoulders and straightened her back.

Cal swallowed and tried to ignore the obvious display. He wouldn't usually complain at her attempt to get him back into bed, but he wanted to talk about his brother and he definitely couldn't do that while aroused. He found a t-shirt of his on the floor and threw it to her.

"Put that on," he said, hoping the offer of his clothes might be more appealing than if he had given her her own.

She pulled a face. "You're usually keen on _un_ dressing me, not the other way round."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "And as much as I love those," he said, pointedly eyeing her chest, "I can barely get through a sentence."

"We don't have to talk."

"I'd like to," he said. "It's not just about sex you know."

"Could have fooled me," Tasha said, but she looked pleased. She pulled the t-shirt over her head and patted the bed next to her.

Cal sat. It had been the first time they'd slept together sober and it confirmed his suspicions that he'd just about had enough of her. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted to her, and she was no clingier than many of his other girls, but he was bored. She was becoming too attached. Breaking her heart would be unfortunate, but these things had to happen.

The problem was that he needed her. The sex and the adoration he could easily find elsewhere, but the insight into his little brother, he could not. Tasha had told him all about his mistake with the watch and the guilt still gave him a headache every time he'd thought about it. He'd even considered apologising to Ethan but it would be a lot of effort to even get into the same room as his brother, let alone get him to listen. Besides, it was stupid of Ethan to give him the gift that way. Surely it was just asking for Cal to jump to conclusions. It was practically a trick!

But Cal couldn't quite give up on his relationship with his brother just yet. Even if he wasn't ready to talk, he still needed to know how Ethan was doing. And Tasha was the perfect way to do so from the side-lines. He'd made her promise not to tell Ethan about them by concocting a lie about a huge crush Ethan had on her. He'd be devastated, he told her, please don't hurt him. She'd been surprised but done exactly as he had asked.

Cal wrapped an arm around Tasha and pulled her closer so that her head was resting on his bare chest. He knew it was a position girls loved. "I've skipped my lecture to be with you," he said.

"I'm sure it's not the first one you've missed."

"Far from it! I nearly got chucked out in first year though, so now I do actually try to go."

Tasha laughed. "Really? I didn't know they actually expelled people. I thought you'd just get low marks."

"No, really." He laughed. "I got an official letter and everything."

"What a rebel!"

"And you attend every day, do you?"

"Yes," she said. "But I enjoy my course. I didn't just pick one for the grand title."

"Oi!" He poked her in the ribs. "Don't pretend me being a Doctor doesn't turn you on."

"You're not a Doctor!"

"I will be," he said. "And you'll be, what- temping in some seedy bar?"

"On stage, obviously," she said. "You'll be begging everyone to believe you ever knew me."

Cal laughed. "We'll see!" He paused and let her snuggle closer to him. "You're happy though, yeah? You've got good friends and flatmates?"

"Happier than I've been in a long time," she said. "And I love all my flatmates."

"Even my little brother?"

"Ethan's so sweet," she said. "Although, I think you're wrong about him fancying me. I walked in the kitchen the other day and I could have sworn him and Erin had just been kissing."

Cal only just managed to stop himself gasping. Ethan had always been terrified around girls and it was hard to imagine him being physically close enough to a girl to kiss them. "What made you think that?"

"Well they both looked a bit shocked to see me," she said. "Neither of them could look at each other." She started to laugh at the memory. "Ethan was so flustered he started trying to stir a pan that I know had nothing in."

Cal joined in the laughter. "That sounds like Ethan!" His chest ached. Ethan should be able to share stories about his first girlfriend with him. "Does he ever talk about me?"

Tasha shook her head.

"Do you think he would? Will you ask him?"

"Ask him what?"

"If he misses me."

Tasha wriggled out the embrace so that she could sit up and fully examine Cal's face. For once, he let her read him. He hated displaying vulnerability but if that's what it took to encourage Tasha, then he'd do it.

"Perhaps you could put in a good word for me," he said.

"How? As far as Ethan knows, we have nothing to do with each other."

"Yeah, but you can still say that I seemed like a nice bloke. Talk about how important brothers are. Some girly, sentimental shit. He likes that."

Tasha shrugged. "I'll try," she said. "No promises."

Cal leant forward and kissed her fully on the lips.

* * *

Cal was used to his brother pointedly looking away whenever their paths crossed, so was surprised when Ethan's gaze lingered on him. He took this as an invite to approach him and so threw his half smoked cigarette to the floor and battled his way through the crowds of students.

"Hi!"

"Hi," Ethan replied, warily.

The fact Ethan even offered a reply was a pleasant surprise. He wondered if this was of a result of Tasha's intervention and made a pact with himself that if she'd done a good enough job he'd sleep with her one last time. He owed he that much, he supposed.

"How are you doing?" Cal said.

"What do you want, Caleb?"

Cal took a deep breath and tried to make eye contact with his brother. "I wanted to apologise. I figured out the watch was from you."

"And what made you come to that genius conclusion?"

Cal rumpled his hair. He could hardly reveal that Tasha had told him. "I, er," he said. "Well, if mum knew where I was, she'd be on my doorstep, wouldn't she? Not just sending gifts."

"Logic would indicate."

"I appear to be a bit short on the logic front."

"Yep," Ethan said.

Cal stared at the ground. He wished he hadn't discarded that cigarette. "Look, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that."

"No, you shouldn't have."

"It was a really nice thing you did for me."

"Well you can't have the watch back," Ethan said. "I sold it. And for less than half of what I paid."

"I wasn't asking for it back," Cal replied. Although that much was true, it did make his chest ache at the thought of Ethan giving away the personalised gift.

"So you still don't want it?"

"No, I do, I-" Cal paused. Neither answer seemed to be the right one. Cal shrugged. He wasn't going to grovel. If Ethan was going to make things difficult for him then that was his loss. "Forget it."

He turned his back on Ethan in favour of the Student's Union and had got half way there before he felt a hand on his arm. Ethan huffed as if he had been running.

"I know it can't have been easy for you to apologise," Ethan said. "But I am still angry." He visibly exhaled as if he was pushing the anger out of him. "There is one thing that will help me forgive you, but you're not going to like it."

Cal pulled his coat tighter around himself. "What is it?"

"Come home for Christmas, Caleb. Please."

Cal gawped at his brother, his mind and chest racing. "That's not fair," he eventually managed to splutter.

"Can't we just try to be a normal family for once?"

"I _can't_ , Ethan. I can't go back."

Ethan sighed. "Just for a day or two, that's all I'm asking."

Cal shook his head. He retrieved a cigarette from his pocket and lit it first time, despite the quiver in his hand. He inhaled deeply and almost smiled as tension dispersed from his body. "So, what, then?" he asked. He blew a cloud of smoke in the direction of his little brother and watched as he coughed. "I say no, and that's it?"

"I don't know," Ethan said. He wafted away the cigarette fumes, a look of disgust on his face. "But we can't carry on like this."

Cal was silent as he stared at his brother. Ethan was so perfect and he both loved and hated him for that very reason. Since the moment he got Ethan back in his life, Cal thought he'd do anything to keep him there. And yet, Ethan was asking him to do the only thing he couldn't. Going home wasn't an option. He blinked as he came to a realisation. Ethan didn't need to know he was never going home.

"Christmas is so soon," Cal said. He ran a hand over his head and widened his eyes. "I just don't think I'm prepared. But maybe Easter."

"Easter." Ethan toyed with the word but eventually his shoulders relaxed. "Yes, that's a compromise." He hesitated. "I thought you would categorically refuse."

Cal pulled what he hoped was an innocent expression. "Well, if it would make you happy."

"And Mum," Ethan said.

"And Mum." Cal echoed. "I'm just thinking about it, though, Ethan. Yeah? Don't get too excited."

Although Ethan nodded, Cal could tell from the beam on his face that he was convinced they'd be back together as one happy family by Easter. He knew that would never be true, but who was he to dash his brother's dreams before he had to. Easter was a long time away, he could devise an excuse before then.

"Where does this leave us?" Cal asked. He could feel his heart beat as he waited for the answer.

Before answering, Ethan polished his glasses on his handkerchief and thoroughly inspected them to ensure all smears had gone. "Um," he eventually said. "Civil?"

"That's all?"

"For now, Caleb. I still need time." Ethan gave a small smile "I hope we'll get there though."

Cal patted his brother on his shoulder. "Me too."


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for the reviews, you lovely people.

This chapter has been a nightmare to write and I can't say I'm 100% happy with it, but it's definitely better than some of the stuff I wrote for it originally which was no way fit for anyone's eyes but my own! Also, usually I try to be quite far ahead in my writing compared to what I'm posting so that I'm never at the point where I've run out of things to post, but because this part took so long, I used up most of my pre-written stuff while I was working on it. I'm trying to write fast but annoying things like work and sleep keep on getting in the way!

Just a quick reminder that this is set in 2003, or else Ethan's present might seem a little strange that he's not had one before.

I'd really appreciate it if you could leave me a review - I don't mind if it's short, long or constructive feedback, but it would be great to hear from you. Thanks in advance and I hope you enjoy it :) x

* * *

Chapter 9

Despite feeling this absence of his brother more than ever this year, Ethan was enjoying Christmas Day. And, although he'd never put materialism above the unity of his family, he suspected his pleasure was largely down to a wonderful gift he'd received. His mum had put so much sellotape on the wrapping paper that it had taken him ages to get into it. She had smiled at him expectantly while he fought to find a lose end, so he knew it was going to be a good gift, but tried not to get his hopes up just in case.

But eventually, the box fell out of the paper and he could see what was inside. A mobile phone. A few of his friends had been given one just before going to University, but his mum had told him that it wasn't necessary and that all rooms would be equipped with a landline. While that was true, it hadn't stopped him lusting after one. His mum explained how the man in the shop had been kind enough to set it up for her and she'd fully charged it last night, so all that needed doing was turning on.

He hugged his mum with more enthusiasm than he'd usually feel comfortable with and forced himself to stay in the room to play with some of the settings on the phone. His leg twitched with anticipation but he waited until his mum gave him the go ahead to escape to his room and make some calls in private.

At first, he thought of Cal. He knew his brother couldn't afford a mobile and even if he had one, he probably would refuse to talk to Ethan out of paranoia their parents would guess who he was speaking to. But, it would have been nice to wish his brother a Happy Christmas and remind him of the reasons he should come home at Easter.

The only other person he had as great a desire to call was Erin. She had purchased her own mobile phone out of money she had saved from working in a shoe shop over the summer holidays. Ethan flicked through his organiser until he found the page where she'd scribbled her number and entered the digits into his phone. His fingers hovered over the call button and he had to urge himself to press it.

She answered sounding confused.

"Hello," he said. "It's, er, me. Ethan."

"Oh!" Erin replied, "Happy Christmas! Are you having a good day?"

"I've got a new mobile," he said, "so it's delightful. And you?"

"Wicked. Yeah, we're just playing Charades," she said. "I'm a bit drunk. So's Mum. My sister thinks we're nuts!" She giggled. "Chloe, say hi to Ethan!"

Ethan listened intently and could just about hear a muttered hi that suited the image of a sulky teenager.

"I wish you were here," Erin said. "I miss you."

"Do you?"

"Of _course_ I miss you!" she slurred, an octave or two higher than normal. "Don't you miss me?"

"Intently," he said. He moved the phone closer to his ear, as if that somehow made him closer to Erin. "I missed you the moment I left."

Erin giggled. "You're so funny, Ethan."

He cocked his head to the side. "I didn't mean to be."

"Village idiot!" she said.

"Well, we can all be a bit idiotic at time, but-"

"Not you." Erin laughed louder than before. "Charades, remember?"

"Ah, yes," he said. He rubbed the bridge of his nose in embarrassment. "I thought you- yes."

"I would never call you an idiot," Erin said in earnest. "Although you are crap at pillow fights."

"Wait for round two."

"I'll look forward to it," she said. "Full Monty?"

He hesitated. "Are you still playing Charades?"

"Maybe."

For the first time, Ethan was glad they were speaking over the phone rather than face to face. He could feel his cheeks glowing.

"Ethan?" Erin asked, "Are you there?"

"I think so," he spluttered.

"I wish I could see you. Can't you come over now?"

"You live in Yorkshire," he reminded her, "and it's Christmas Day. But I could talk to you forever."

"You say such lovely things," Erin replied amid the sound of chinking glasses.

In the moment before he replied, Ethan wondered if he could hear his name being called. He listened and his Dad soon called again, impatient for a response. "Oh bother," Ethan said down the phone line. "I'm wanted."

"Yes, by me!" Erin said.

"I'm sorry." Ethan wondered if he should call her darling or sweetheart or any similar terms he heard couples use. But none of the words felt right on his tongue and he wasn't entirely sure if they were a couple yet anyway. "I'll call you as soon as I can."

"I'll be waiting."

Ethan's dad called for a third time and Ethan let out a huff of annoyance. "I'm sorry, Erin," he said. "Goodbye and my fondest regards to you and your family."

Erin giggled. "Bye, you strange man."

It took Ethan all the way to his dad to arrange his face in something more orderly than a cheesy grin.

Ethan watched his dad pour himself a whiskey and settle into his favourite armchair. Now that Ethan was eighteen, he was permitted a drink himself but his dad didn't offer and so he didn't ask. He suspected Cal would have helped himself anyway.

"I hope I didn't disturb anything," David Hardy said. "I just thought we should spend the day as a family."

Ethan considered reminding his dad that not all the family were present anyway, but he knew it would start an argument and that would be particularly un-Christmassy. "No, no," he said. "I was just giving my flatmate my new phone number."

"Your flatmate?"

Ethan hoped his cheeks weren't still red from speaking to Erin. He nodded. "Yep."

His dad raised an eyebrow.

"Luke," Ethan said. "Do you remember, you met him when I first moved in?"

"Right," he said. "The kid who can't open doors."

Ethan smiled, relieved that his dad seemed to believe him. He couldn't cope with the teasing, the inquests and the warnings about safe sex, should his parents found out about Erin. The only person that would be worse than them was Cal, and Ethan had no intention of telling him and volunteering himself for endless embarrassment.

Ethan turned towards the television and tried to engross himself in the old children's film that had just started. He'd prefer a documentary or a festive quiz, but it would be too much hassle to request the channel was changed. He knew that if Cal was there, he'd grab the remote and keep it to himself regardless of any complaints.

Christmas had been so different when Cal was with the family. It was louder for one thing and full of games and excitement. Ethan could remember one year, he must have been about six and Cal nine, when his brother had woke him at half past four in the morning and they'd crept downstairs to inspect what had been left for them under the tree. Their mum had caught them but instead of telling them off, she let them open one present each. It had become almost a tradition after that, and the perfect start to Christmas Day.

Ethan was shook from his thoughts by the sound of his dad clearing his throat.

"Ethan, you're a good lad." David Hardy leant forwards in the chair. "Clever. Sensible. You've got a brilliant career ahead of you." He sighed and shook his head. "But you can't afford to allow any distractions which may cloud your judgement."

Ethan thought of Erin. She was probably the best person he ever met and the only changes to his judgement were permitting the possibility that a girl might actually like him. It would be hard to deny she didn't distract him from his work, though. Their study sessions were rarely for that purpose now.

"How are your grades?"

"Mostly 2:1s," Ethan said. "Although I did get a first for my essay on misdiagnosed degenerative diseases. And I was just one mark away from a first for the atrial defects piece but my lecturer said that was only because I got carried away and wrote about the whole cardiovascular system as well." He studied his dad's face for signs of approval. "We start placement in January. My first rotation will be in the Emergency Department."

The older man took a sip of his whisky and set the glass back onto the coffee table with a firm hand. "Someone of your intelligence should be getting firsts in every essay. None of this 'one mark off' nonsense."

"I tried my best, Dad," Ethan said. "Maybe I'm just not as clever as you think."

"You are." His words were a command rather than reassurance. He snatched the television remote and increased the volume dramatically. "I know your mum is in the kitchen," he said, "but I'd rather be sure that she can't hear."

Ethan squinted in confusion but forced a chuckle, hoping to keep the mood light. "I can barely hear myself!"

The laugher was not reciprocated. "Look, Ethan," he said. "I didn't want to have to have this conversation with you, but this level of slacking isn't appropriate. In fact, it's bordering on disobedience."

Ethan stayed silent. Years of experience had taught him the quickest way to end one his dad's lectures was by letting his rant run uninterrupted. Once his dad had finished, he would nod and agree wholeheartedly with whatever had been said. Cal's tactic had been the opposite and the root cause of many family arguments.

"You've gone to University to study, to make a success of yourself. I've always encouraged you, Ethan. And you repay me by associating with those who are bound for failure!"

Ethan didn't know how his dad had found out about his relationship with Erin, but longed to tell him that he'd interpreted her personality all wrong. His mouth itched to explain that Erin was intelligent and hardworking and certain to have a great future but he knew it was futile. His dad's mind-set was almost impossible to break.

"You need to learn to listen to me. That's always been your problem. Remember how many times I told you that _boy_ was a bad influence on you."

Ethan fought against rolling his eyes. It was almost inevitable that Cal had been mentioned. Since being teenagers, their dad had blamed Cal for any of Ethan's misdoings. If he had turned down his dinner, their dad would say it was because of the Mars bar Cal gave him that morning; if Ethan answered back in an argument their dad would accuse Cal of teaching him bad habits. It was hardly a surprise that his dad had linked Ethan spending time with his girlfriend instead of studying with historic warnings about his brother.

"Yet you didn't listen," his dad continued. "It hurt you, didn't it, when he left?"

Ethan nodded mutely. There was no point in denying it.

"All that boy does is hurt people. He'll never change."

Ethan's leg twitched but he still didn't speak.

"You stay away from him, Ethan."

"What?" Ethan spluttered, forgetting both his vow of silence and his usual politeness. He could feel his heart hammering against his ribs. There was no way his dad could have found out he was living near Cal. "Stay away from who?"

"You know who." His dad exhaled furiously. "Caleb." His eyelashes fluttered as if it was physically painful for him to say the name.

Ethan sat on his shaking hands so they couldn't act as a giveaway. "I've not seen him for years, Dad."

"Bullshit," he said. He shook his head. "That boy's a disease. He's always done his best to infect you with his ill behaviour and lack of focus."

Even though Ethan had heard those words before, they still hurt. His body tensed and he could feel the red glow spread across his face and under his collar. "Don't say that. Please, don't say that."

David Hardy climbed out of his chair crossed to where Ethan was sat. "Stand up."

Ethan did as he was told and stood in front of his dad so that their faces were level. He suddenly realised that his dad had got older since their months apart. The crease lines on his forehead had got deeper and his hair was beginning to grey. Ethan scrutinised his face, still unsure exactly what was going on.

"I'm not saying this to upset you, Ethan. I'm saying it for your own good. If you don't listen to me this time, he _will_ ruin everything for you. Understand?"

Ethan found his head slowly moving from side to side.

"You don't understand?" His dad huffed. "Well let me spell it out for you. I know all about your little University reunion and there's not a chance in hell that I'm allowing it."


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for the delay - I wanted to get as much of the next chapter done before posting this, but I've been really busy and it's still in progress.

As always, thank you a million times for the reviews. I just hope you continue to enjoy the story.

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Chapter 10

Cal woke to discover that he was not alone. The girl was still asleep and her breaths were falling in heavy huffs that were too delicate to be considered a snore. He rolled onto his side to examine her further and the movement sent a pounding through his head. The hangover was almost synonymous to waking up with an unknown, naked girl in his bed. He squinted. He didn't think he recognised her, thought it was hard to be sure. He knew a lot of girls.

An urgent knocking from below disturbed him from his thoughts. He groaned as the noise reverberated through his aching head. As the knocking persisted, he slowly climbed out of bed and staggered over to the window. It wasn't just his head that ached now; his whole body hurt, though he had no explanation as to why. He pulled the curtain to one side unconcerned whether the elderly neighbour opposite would catch a glimpse. He'd suspected she'd seen him without any clothes before anyway, when he had been dared to streak down the road. He looked down to the front door and the blonde head that stood in front of it was instantly recognisable.

Any other person he would have ignored, but not Ethan, especially when their relationship was still at its most precarious. He grabbed a pair of jeans from the floor and pulled them on. He was about to leave his bedroom when his brain kicked in. Ethan was annoyingly observant and Cal had no doubt that he'd notice the scar on his stomach, regardless of how much it had faded. The last thing he could cope with in this level of hangover was awkward questions that he had no intention to answer honestly. He seized last night's shirt and struggled into it as he trundled down the stairs. The pale material was blemished with stains from an artificially coloured drink, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

By the time he opened the front door, his brother was halfway down the path. He called after him and Ethan swung round, an expression on his face that Cal couldn't read.

Ethan took the few paces back towards him. "We need to talk."

Cal stepped to the side and ushered Ethan in. "Go through to the kitchen," he said. He glanced up the staircase as they passed it and hoped that the girl was still asleep. "Coffee?"

"Please."

Cal put the kettle on to boil and leaned against the kitchen worktop as he waited. "I didn't expect you back this early."

"Change of plan," Ethan said. He frowned.

Cal turned his back on his brother to make the drinks, glad that his face was hidden as he asked the question. "Is everything okay?"

"Everyone's well," Ethan replied.

The brothers remained silent as Cal poured the boiling water into the coffee. He carried the mugs over to the small kitchen table with shaky hands, still struggling with the impact of last night's alcohol. He slumped onto one of the chairs and pushed the second coffee to the chair opposite, indicating that Ethan should sit.

"You look rough," Ethan said.

Cal gave a small half-smile. "I feel it. Christmas celebrations catching up, you know."

Ethan titled his head in acknowledgement. "What did you do for it?"

"Drank a lot," Cal said. He took a slurp of his coffee but the hot liquid burnt his tongue and his lip. He pulled the mug away quickly in shock and splashed a bit of the liquid onto his already stained shirt.

"Cal!"

"I'm okay."

Ethan examined the numerous cigarette burns on the kitchen table. "You shouldn't have been alone for Christmas."

"Gus was here." Cal shrugged. "We had pizza."

"Pizza for Christmas?" A reluctant smile appeared on Ethan's face. "That shouldn't really surprise me."

Cal chuckled. "I've never been one for roast parsnips and gravy." He paused. He knew it would only be polite to enquire of how his brother's Christmas went, but he knew what the answer would be. Despite everything, it wouldn't be easy to hear of the fantastic Christmas of the family he was no longer part of.

"Mum's Christmas pudding, though," Ethan said. "I considered sneaking some back for you, but it might have got a little messy in my luggage."

"Don't worry. I didn't get you anything either."

"Well, your gifts always were on the… novel… side."

"Hey, there was nothing wrong with that pooing Santa, you can't still be disgusted by that!"

Ethan laughed. "It wasn't me that was most horrified by it, that was-"

"Dad. Yeah," Cal said. He shook his head. He should have known that talking about Christmas would have inevitably brought that name up.

"Caleb-"

"So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

Ethan took a deep breath and fingered the handle of the coffee mug.

Cal watched him with curiosity but a sinking feeling in his chest. The longer Ethan procrastinated with a sentence usually correlated with the severity of it. He was about to hurry his brother up, when he noticed a female figure lingering uncertainty in the hallway.

"Shit," he said. "Hold that thought." He rushed out of the kitchen and closed the door behind him, trying to ignore that fact that he was pretty sure Ethan had been quick enough to see the girl first.

He caught the girl's wrist and tried to guide her closer to the front door and away from his little brother.

"I can't find my bra," the girl hissed.

"So?"

"Well, is it-" she hesitated, "down _here_ somewhere?"

Cal squinted to give the impression he was racking his brains about where the bra could be. He couldn't remember the exact route they'd taken to get his bedroom and he cared a lot less about recalling it than he did about getting the girl out of his house as fast as he could.

"It must be in my room. You can't have looked properly."

"I did."

"Well I'll find it." Cal said with a determined nod. "I'll give it to you next time I see you."

She snorted. "Yeah, right." She skirted past him and headed towards the kitchen.

Cal rolled his eyes but he knew what he had to do to encourage her to leave rather than explore the house. "Wait," he said. "Did you think this was just a one off?"

"Isn't it?"

He sidled closer to her, put one hand on her waist and used the other to tuck a strand of sticky hair behind her ear. "I don't want it to be." He waited for her to smile but she continued to look sceptical. "Perhaps I went about it the wrong way," he said. "I don't usually sleep with girls the first time I meet them. But you- you're so beautiful." He let his words hang in the air for a moment. "I guess I just couldn't help myself."

The girl narrowed her eyes and scrutinised his face. "Smooth."

Cal gave what he hoped was a bashful chuckle. "Let me take you out. Tomorrow, that new Italian in town." He lowered his voice. "I'll bring your bra!"

"Okay," she said, finally smiling. "I'll give you a chance. But if you're keeping my bra then you can at least lend me a hoodie to get home in. I'm going to freeze."

Cal pretended that he was just noticing the skimpiness of her outfit now, using the opportunity for another glance at her lean body. "Deal," he said. He grabbed a hoodie from the bannister. It belonged to one of his housemates but he was sure they would understand. He helped her into it and then zipped it up, letting his hands brush against her body as he did so.

"I'm looking forward to our date," he said.

"Hmm," she said with a grin. "I'll meet you at 8. Don't be late."

He stepped closer to her and let her wrap her arms around his neck. He traced her lips with his own but she rapidly turned the kiss deeper. They said their goodbyes and he smiled as he watched her leave, pleased with himself for winning another lady round.

Cal got back to the kitchen to find Ethan's coffee had finished and he had a phone in his hands, half way through sending a text message.

"Christmas present?"

Ethan declined to answer but shoved the phone into his satchel and blushed. "Who's the girl?"

"No-one."

"You're going to stand her up, aren't you?"

Cal inwardly cringed at the sign that Ethan must have overheard the conversation. "Nibbles, what kind of person do you think I am!?"

"I don't think you want to hear my answer to that," Ethan muttered.

Cal's chest throbbed in time with his brother's comment but he dismissed it as part of his hangover and began to search the kitchen cupboards for painkillers.

"Do you even know her name?"

"Yes, I do, thank you Ethan," he said. "And I'm sure me and Alice will have a lovely date together tomorrow evening." He slammed the fourth cupboard door shut in desperation. "You're in touch with your feminine side, Nibbles, do you have any painkillers in your bag?"

"No," Ethan said without looking.

Cal sunk back onto the seat and rested his aching head on the table.

"Caleb, I've got something I need to speak to you about."

"Yeah," Cal murmured into the wood of the table. "You said."

Ethan cleared his throat. "Now, I know you're prone to jump to conclusions, so I just want to tell you first of all that I did not say a thing."

Cal lifted his head slightly and stared at his brother. "What do you mean?" he asked. He began to feel increasingly sick.

"Caleb, don't overreact, okay, but-"

"But?"

"But… Dad knows. Dad knows where you are."

Cal sat bolt upright and clamped a hand to his mouth as his stomach churned. "No."

"I'm sorry, but he-"

"You told him?"

Ethan forcibly sighed. "What was the first thing that I said?"

Cal replayed the conversation and recognised Ethan's statement that he didn't say anything. Although he knew his brother would have preferred to tell their parents the truth, he also knew that he wasn't a liar. If Ethan had let the truth slip he'd have been honest about it.

"How did he-" Cal stammered.

"He noticed you the day I moved in."

"Is he, is he-?" Cal ran a hand over his head. "Fuck." He stood up and took a few steps into the middle of the kitchen. "I need to go."

"He's not coming here, Cal," Ethan said, a deliberate calm edge to his voice. "Think about it. He's known since September and he's not done anything."

"No, I don't like this," Cal said. He fist automatically clenched but he managed to fight the urge to collide it with a wall. He stretched his fingers and took a deep breath. "Just because he hasn't come yet, it doesn't mean he won't."

Ethan got up from his chair and stood next to Cal in the middle of the room. "I can tell you why he won't, but it might not be pleasant to hear."

"Just tell me."

"Okay," Ethan said. "Dad said he's determined to keep you away from us. He doesn't want you to be part of the family. He doesn't _want_ to see you."

Cal gave a single nod. Even though Ethan had warned him and even though the words were nothing he didn't already know, it was still tough hearing it from his brother's mouth.

"And on top of that," Ethan continued. "Mum misses you. If she finds out where you are then there's no way she'll let you go again. Dad can't come all this way without Mum finding out and he's adamant that she doesn't know." Ethan paused as he fleetingly squeezed his brother's shoulder. "He's not coming, Cal. You don't need to fret."

Cal frowned. Ethan's words made sense but he wasn't convinced. "He can't have been happy that we're here together though."

Ethan took off his glasses and thoroughly inspected them in the light shining through the kitchen window. "He, erm," he mumbled once his glasses were back on his face. "He warned me to stay away."

A cold shiver ran down Cal's spine. "He threatened you?"

"Sort of-"

"What did he do to you?" Cal interrupted.

"Nothing," Ethan said, sounding confused. "He just reminded me that he'd managed to cut all ties with one son and wasn't afraid to do the same again."

"Right," Cal said. His head was pounding with the hangover and the mixture of relief that the threats hadn't been physical and the dread that Ethan was about to tell him they wouldn't be able to see each other anymore. "And you always do as you're told."

"I don't see how Dad's going to know whether I'm doing as I'm told," Ethan said.

Cal locked eyes with his brother and was surprised to see him smiling. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not going to stay away," Ethan said softly.

"Really?

"Really. I'll just lie if Dad asks."

Cal's lips curved into a smile. "Nibbles has finally grown a pair!"

"Shut up, Caleb," he said. "I can always change my mind."


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you so much to those who left a review. I love reading them as it really boosts my confidence and motivation. I'd really appreciate it if you could leave a few words on this part too.

This part has brought me to the conclusion that I'm as bad as writing dates as I am at going on them haha, so I hope it's not too much of a let down. I've written a (very minimal) plan of what's going to happen in the rest of the story, but my main problem at the moment is finding time to write. I will try to get the next part up as soon as I can, but it's not currently in progress.

Thanks for reading x

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Chapter 11

Even though it was only 2pm, Ethan felt like he'd been waiting all day for Erin to arrive back at University. He'd offered to meet her at the station but had wildly overestimated the amount of time it would take for him to get there and so had been shivering in the cold for the past thirty-five minutes.

When the train eventually pulled in, the station swarmed with people and Ethan was unable to see her through the crowd. He was still searching for her when someone grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. His arms automatically tightened around the person.

"I've missed you so much," she said.

"It's good to hear your voice," Ethan replied. "Largely because my glasses are fogged up and I was worried I was hugging a stranger."

Ethan heard Erin laugh and felt her hand sneak underneath the back of his scarf to pull him closer for a kiss. Although his confidence grew each time their lips met, he still felt nervous at doing so in such a public area and tried to keep the pressure as light as he could.

"Has that convinced you it's me?" she asked.

"Oh yes, no-one else would be foolish enough to do that with me."

"Are you calling me a fool, Ethan Hardy?"

"No!" Ethan said, with a smile. "Just someone with peculiar taste." He gently took her suitcase from her and turned it so they were facing the exit.

Erin linked arms with him. "You said in your text that you had something to tell me."

"Oh." Ethan's stomach tightened as he remembered he told Erin he would fully explain the newest bombshell his dad had dropped. "Family stuff. It's a long story." He glanced at Erin out of the corner of his eye. "Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to go out for dinner tonight? I can tell you then, if you don't mind listening to a particularly dull account of my complicated family."

"Well you're definitely selling it!"

Ethan softly chuckled. "Okay, I'll try not to bore you all evening. But it occurred to me over Christmas that we've never been on a proper date. Actually, I'veneverbeen on a proper date whatsoever, but-"

"Are you asking me out, Ethan?" Erin interrupted.

"Well, yes."

"Then I'd be delighted to accompany you," she said with a grin.

Ethan felt it only dutiful that he made an effort for their evening together. He shaved more carefully than he had done since his father first presented him with a razor years ago, and daubed a generous quantity of the aftershave he'd received for Christmas. He selected a blue shirt from his wardrobe and ironed it on the shaky board that belonged to the flat. He knotted and re-knotted a tie several times for deciding it was too formal for the occasion anyway and flinging it on his bed in disgust. Even his glasses received a polish twice in a fifteen minute period.

They escaped their flat without anyone noticing them and were fortunate enough to catch a bus within a few minutes of arriving at the stop. Although a timetable existed, it couldn't even be described as a guideline, let alone a fixed schedule. They sat closely on the bus seat and Ethan enjoyed the warmth of Erin's leg pressed against his.

"You had a good Christmas then?" They'd spoken enough times over the holiday for him to know she'd enjoyed being back home, but it seemed a polite thing to ask.

"Brill. I didn't realise how much I'd missed everyone until I saw them again."

"Your friends?"

"Yeah. We went almost every night! It was like fresher's week all over again." She paused. "But mainly it was good seeing Mum and Chloe and getting looked after like a child again."

Ethan smiled. "My mum forbid me from doing anything to help her. She was making me tea, clearing up after me, cooking my favourites for dinner every night."

"She must have missed you," Erin said softly.

"Yeah." Ethan sighed, wondering how his mum would cope if his dad was true to his word and ostracised him for keeping in touch with Cal. She would find it tough to have two absent sons and the last thing he wanted was to upset her.

Erin nudged him. "You okay?"

"Just thinking," he said. He shook his head slightly to rid the thoughts. "Sorry. Back in the room now – or should I say bus?"

They had reserved a table at the new Italian restaurant in town. Ethan knew it was the same place that his brother had suggested for his potential date a few days ago. Although he thought it was virtually impossible Cal had been decent enough to take the girl out, he still felt slightly unnerved by it, imagining being shown to their designated table to find his brother next to him and watching while he struggled through his first ever date.

He ordered himself to stop thinking of it as a date; the word made him feel as if his shirt collar had suddenly got one button tighter, which was impossible as he'd been very conscientious to ensure it was buttoned to the top. He reminded himself he had been alone with Erin on plenty of occasions and so there was nothing more to worry about than when shared a table in the University canteen after studying in the library.

But as soon as he'd calmed his nerves, the waiter showed them to their table and offered to take Erin's coat. He watched her shrug out of it and smile courteously as a thanks. She sat down on the chair the waiter pulled out for her and the whole time Ethan was transfixed. Although Erin usually wore jeans and a jumper, she had chosen a deep red dress which fell as far as her knees and flatted every curve. Ethan gulped three times and stared at the piece of abstract art which was framed on the wall above their table.

Erin cleared her throat. "Are you okay?"

Ethan nodded, still inspecting the art.

"Then sit down!" she hissed.

He jumped back to reality to notice the waiter holding out his chair and failing to hide a rather bemused expression. Ethan murmured a word of apology and quickly fell to the chair.

"You seem a little distracted," Erin said, her lips twitching into a smile.

"Do I?" Ethan fiddled with the cuff of his sleeve. "No, I just- no."

"Ethan, look at me."

Ethan did as he was told. His nail still picked at the button on his shirt cuff. "You look beautiful tonight," he said. "I mean, you do anyway, but, yes. Beautiful." He felt his cheeks begin to glow. "I'm honoured to have you here with-"

"Shut up!" Erin laughed. "Don't go weird on me just because I'm wearing a dress. It's still me." She pulled a silly face as if to prove a point and grabbed the drinks menu. "Can we get wine, or will that get you too drunk?"

"It might," Ethan admitted.

"Can we get some anyway?"

"As long as you'll take full responsibility for getting me into bed!"

"You don't hang about," Erin said, grinning.

"My bed, I mean."

"Well if you prefer." Erin gave him an exaggerated wink and then smiled sweetly at the waiter who had returned to them. "Can we order a bottle of your cheapest wine, please?"

Ethan waited until they were alone again. "A bottle? You really are trying to get me drunk!"

"Would I?"

"I'd say it's a distinct possibility," Ethan said. "Unless you're planning to drink it all yourself as a way to tolerate my company."

"You caught me! I'm here for the wine, not you," Erin said. She tried to keep a straight face but only managed a couple of seconds before giggling. "Now tell me this incredibly boring story of yours."

As best he could, Ethan relayed the conversation he'd had on Christmas day. He told Erin that his dad knew Cal was studying at the same University and had warned him to stay away from him, determined to keep Cal an outcast from the family.

"That's awful," Erin said. "Poor Cal. Poor _you_!"

They fell silent for a moment as their food arrived. Ethan accepted his dish with a nod of thanks and stared thoughtfully at his creamy pasta.

Erin stabbed a piece of pasta with her fork. "I hate to sound so blunt, Ethan, but your dad sounds horrible."

Ethan shook his head. "I think I'm miss-selling him. He's not always like that. But he has high standards and he's always pushed us to reach them," Ethan said, "It's only because he cares. But when Cal left, the expectations Dad held for him got transferred onto me too. And now nothing I do is good enough!"

"I'm sure that's not true," Erin said, softly.

"No, no, it's definitely true." Ethan paused between sentences for long enough to try to make an effort with his food. The mushroom sauce was a lovely flavour but the pasta felt gloopy in his mouth and was hard to swallow. "I mean, I can't live up to his expectations, can I? It's physically impossible to be two people at once." He wiped an imaginary splash of sauce from his lip. "I've accepted that now," he said, "but I can't accept that my family is still broken."

"So will you encourage your dad to let Cal back?"

"I don't see how I can." Ethan sighed. "But even if I accomplished that, then I'm certain Cal would refuse. They're both frustratingly stubborn."

The pair fell silent for a moment as they continued to eat.

"What if-?" Erin began, but she suddenly stalled herself and shook her head. "No, that's silly. It doesn't matter."

"Go on,"

"It's just- if your dad is refusing to see Cal and Cal is refusing to see your dad, then they're never going to have the opportunity to patch things up. What if… what if there was some way of getting them to meet without either of them anticipating it?" She took a deep breath and stirred the remains of her pasta. "What if you tricked them into meeting?"

"Goodness," Ethan said. "I don't know that I'd come out of that alive."

Erin shrugged. "Just an idea. I told you it was silly."

Ethan's brows creased as he fell into deep thought. It _was_ a silly idea, there was no denying that. And yet, the whole situation was daft. If his dad and his brother were in the same room for long enough surely Cal would come to realise that their dad only acted as he did because he wanted the best for him, and in turn their dad would remember that his eldest son was funny, intelligent and caring rather than a source of disobedience. If they saw each other, they must realise how much they missed each other.

"Actually," Ethan said, slowly. "It could work."

* * *

Despite the door of the pub opening onto flat concrete, Ethan stumbled as they left. A tight arm around his waist was the only thing that prevented him from staggering into a passing pedestrian.

"Whoops," Erin said as she pulled him back upright. "Perhaps that second bottle was a bad idea after all."

"No," Ethan said. "It was delightful idea. A splendid idea. A-" He paused to reposition his glasses as they were threatening to slide down his nose. "Remind me again why we bought it?"

Erin giggled. "To celebrate, remember? We're getting your family back together!"

"Ah, yes." Ethan leaned heavily on Erin as he turned to face her. "You're beautiful."

"You're drunk."

He inspected her intensely, his face wobbling dangerously near to hers. "Do you mean to tell me, Erin, that you are not?"

"Not beautiful or not drunk?" she asked with a wry smile.

Ethan squinted at her. "I don't think I understand."

He was taken aback when Erin burst into laughter and squinted at her in confusion. At that, the volume of her giggles increased and rang loudly through the winter air. Nearby strangers turned around to query the reason for the noise. Ethan chuckled at how funny it was that people were looking to him for the answers and yet he had no idea what was amusing Erin either.

Erin nudged him. "What are you laughing at?"

"You," he said. "And you?"

"Oh I'm laughing at the idiot who drank too much wine." She squeezed him tighter and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Don't kiss me there," he said. "Kiss me here." With alcohol fuelled confidence, he turned and planted his lips on hers.

Erin kissed him back but Ethan could feel soft vibrations as she laughed against his lips. They continued to kiss as they walked down the street but their path soon became unsteady and it was getting hard to avoid crashing into passers-by. He was relieved when Erin grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him from the middle of the pavement to a safe corner. She threw her arms around his neck and guided his face back to hers.

It was weird how familiar kissing Erin had become, but despite that, Ethan thought he'd never get enough. He didn't understand how he'd lasted so long without knowing how perfectly their lips fitted together. The only times he wasn't thinking about kissing her was when they were actually doing it.

A wolf-whistle in the distance caused Ethan to bristle with embarrassment but it wasn't enough enticement for him to pull away. They continued to move their lips softly against each other, until a familiar laugh bounced behind them.

The pair spun around to see several of their flatmates staring at them.

"I knew it," Tasha said. "I bloody knew it."


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter. You are so kind with what you say and I really appreciate you taking the time to leave a review.

I feel like the last chapter was one of my weakest, so I hope this one is better. Please let me know what you think.

Enjoy

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Chapter 12

Cal toyed with the can of beer in front of him. His fingers teased the ring pull but something kept him from opening it. He'd already had two cans and, while that was a relatively small amount for him, he wasn't sure if he wanted anymore. His head felt heavy with thoughts and suddenly the prospect of an early night became very appealing.

He kept his head low but lifted his eyes to watch the others around his kitchen table. It was Gus's birthday and his flatmate had invited many friends over before they headed into town. The group included three very pretty and giggly girls who kept looking over at him and smiling. They were just his type and Cal knew that if he stopped staring moodily at the table they'd come and talk to him. He reckoned he could pull at least one if he made the effort.

He could hear some of the guys talking animatedly about the carnage from Gus's last birthday. Cal remembered the night well – or at least the hangover that followed – and would usually laugh along with them, enjoying the company. Yet it came as another reminder of what he would be leaving behind if he had to move to another University.

Ethan said their dad had no intention of visiting him but that didn't mean he wouldn't interfere in other ways. Although he had tried everything he could to forget, Cal couldn't help but remember that the source of the argument on the night he'd left home had been the alleged bad influence he was having on his brother. It made no sense that their dad would rest knowing the pair of them were in a close vicinity, even if Ethan had lied that he would stay away.

"Drink up, Knight!" a voice said.

Cal recognised the accent without having to look up. "I'm not feeling great," he muttered.

"I don't care," Gus continued. "It's my birthday, you're getting plastered." He grabbed a bottle of vodka from the middle of the table, poured a generous quantity into a glass and then slid it over to Cal.

Cal forced a chuckle. "You've got to be kidding me."

As a response Gus smiled smugly and free-poured more of the spirit into the glass. "Prove you're a man."

Cal's laugh was genuine this time. He pulled the glass closer to him and wrinkled his nose as he got a whiff of it. He could see the pretty girls watching him even more intently now to see if he could manage the extra-large shot and he wasn't one to let them down. He picked up the glass but glared at Gus. "Just so you know, I'll be getting my revenge later," he said. He downed the liquid in two consecutive gulps and slammed the glass back on the table. His throat burned but he didn't splutter.

By the time they reached the bar, Cal had given up on any ideas of an early night. Although he hadn't wanted the shot, it had been enough to remind him why he enjoyed drinking. The effects of alcohol were already numbing his overactive thought stream and it was becoming easier to imagine he might have a good night. He ordered a pint for himself and a shot for Gus and waited impatiently while the barmaid puzzled over the till. When he felt a hand on his hip, he hoped it was one of the pretty girls from his flat – preferably the blonde, if he was being picky. He turned round with a smile but it quickly faded when he realised it was Tasha. It took a large proportion of his will-power not to knock away her arm.

"Hey," she said. "Turns out I was right."

"About what?"

"About Ethan and Erin," she replied, as if it was obvious. "They're together. We caught them all over each other so they couldn't exactly deny it."

"Really?" Although he was desperate to get away from her so that the pretty girls didn't get the wrong idea, he couldn't help but show an interest in his little brother's love life. "Like, together together?"

"See for yourself." Tasha nodded to a spot behind him.

Cal spun around to see his brother with a group of people he recognised as his flatmates. Ethan had his back to him but Cal could see that he had an arm around Erin and that she was idly running her fingers through his hair. His shock at Ethan's relationship doubled when he realised they were in such close proximity that his brother could turn round at any second and witness Tasha's hand on him. He stepped away from her. "I can't believe my little brother's got a girlfriend," he said, more to himself than to Tasha.

She cosied back up to him and looped her fingers through one of her belt buckles. "But now that he has," she said, "there's no reason why _we_ need to be a secret any more, is there?"

Cal frowned. He distantly recalled telling Tasha that Ethan fancied her but he hadn't expected the lie to backfire. "What do you mean?" he asked, stalling.

Her fingertips curled under the top of his jeans. "We could even double date."

"I don't think so!"

"Oh." She quickly disguised a look of offence with a smile. "That's okay. I suppose it might be a bit awkward for you."

Cal sighed. Now that he had to be honest, he just hoped there wasn't hysterics. It wasn't really fair on him if he had to deal with a crying girl, especially when he'd always been careful not to say anything that might imply a relationship. "It's not that, Tasha." He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and gently moved her hand from his hip. When he let go, her arm fell limply back by her side.

Her eyes widened as she took the hint. "Please don't do this," she said. "I- I really like you."

Cal ran a hand over his head in exasperation. It was always harder when they begged. "We had fun. And I'm sorry. But I'm just not looking for a relationship right now."

"Me neither," Tasha replied, a waver in her voice. "We can just keep it casual."

"That's not what you want." His leg twitched uncomfortably. He knew he should do the right thing and convince her that she'd be better off without him. But the words were uncomfortably similar to what his dad would say about him and Ethan and he couldn't bring himself to voice them and make it true. "Look," he said instead, "the truth is, I just don't like you as much as you like me."

"That could change."

"It won't," he said firmly.

Tasha's bottom lip wobbled. "How do you know?"

"Because," Cal said, "I only slept with you so that I could keep tabs on Ethan."

He waited for the tears to erupt and wondered whether he'd be expected to comfort her or whether she'd run to her flatmates and allow him to enjoy the rest of his night. He really hoped for the latter. As expected, Tasha's eyes grew damp. Cal opened his mouth to utter another faked apology but before he could speak, wet, cold liquid hit him in the face.

As his lips had been parted the drink splashed him in the mouth. From the flavour of beer, he assumed that it was his own that she'd thrown at him. His eyes stung from where the alcohol had assaulted them. He wiped the back of his hand across his face and opened his eyes to see that the bar was blurred and Tasha had gone. The sticky liquid dripped off his chin and down the inside of his shirt. He could hear someone sniggering but his vision was still to blurry to see who.

He swore and stamped his foot and marched to the toilets, grateful that he was so familiar with the bar that he knew the way even when he could barely see. He splashed cold water on his face but it did little except soak him further. He wished she'd slapped him instead; it would have had less of an impact on the rest of his night.

The door of the toilets opened and Cal was far from surprised to see his brother with his arms folded awkwardly across his chest.

"Why did Tasha throw her drink over you?" he demanded.

"How should I know?" Cal muttered. "She's insane."

Ethan tutted and came further into the toilets so that the door closed and it was just the two of them. He wrinkled his nose at the smell of beer. "Caleb, has something happened between the two of you?"

"Nothing significant."

"So that's a yes, then," Ethan said. "And there's no point lying because Tasha's telling Erin everything."

"Ah, yes," Cal said. "Your _girlfriend_."

Ethan blushed but he didn't take the bait. "If you don't tell me, I'll only assume the worst."

Cal undid the top few buttons of his shirt and attempted to wring it out. The shirt creased but remained just as wet. "Fine. I slept with her," he said.

"How many times?"

"Nibbles, you sound like a girlfriend that I just cheated on. What does it matter to you?"

"She's my friend," Ethan said. "How many times?"

"I didn't _count_."

"Brilliant."

"I don't see what the problem is," Cal said. "It was going nowhere. It was kinder to end things than to string her along."

"You _already_ strung her along."

"But what am I meant to do now?" Cal continued, ignoring his brother's interjection. "I'm soaked. I can hardly stay like this the rest of the night."

Ethan shook his head. "Unbelievable. You've just upset my friend and all you're concerned about is yourself."

"That's not fair," Cal said. He hadn't even mentioned the three pretty girls that he'd lost any chance with. "Ethan, I didn't want to upset her. Of course I didn't. But these things happen."

"These things happen!"

"Girls get overly attached. I don't encourage it. If anything it's unfair on me to be put in the position where I have to let them down."

Ethan huffed so hard his glasses slipped down his nose. He pushed them back with a shaky hand. "Caleb," he said. "You really need to learn to consider other people's feelings."

"Oh, spare me the lecture, Ethan." He looked away from his brother, in favour of examining himself in the mirror. Although he was beginning to dry, the remains of the beer had left his skin sticky and his eyes red. "There's worse in the world than what I did." He squared his jaw and caught Ethan's eye in the reflection. "Or has Dad brainwashed you completely?"

Ethan clenched and unclenched his fists. "You know what?" he said, "It would be easier if he had. It would be easier if I didn't have to keep fighting a battle between my dad and my brother. Especially when you make it so easy to be angry at you."

"So you're angry at me now?" Cal asked. He turned around to face his brother. "Well there's a surprise. It seems to be the day for people to be mad at me."

"You've got to stop hiding behind the things dad said!" Ethan exhaled as if the rush of words had stolen his breath.

"What?"

Ethan held a warning hand up in front of Cal. "He held some views about you that were… unjust," Ethan said. "That must have been hurtful and you have every right to refute them." He paused. "But that doesn't give you automatic exemption from any other criticism."

"I never said it did."

"So when was the last time you admitted to being in the wrong?"

Cal opened his mouth to answer but couldn't summon a quick response. His gaze flickered to every corner of the toilets before landing back on Ethan. "I hate it when you're right," he muttered.

Ethan gave a guilty smile. He pulled a generous quantity of blue paper towels from the holder and stacked the majority up on the sink. He held one towel under the tap for a few seconds and then turned back to Cal. "Stay still," he said.

Cal stood patiently while his little brother dabbed at his face with the wet paper towel. Ethan had to scrub quite hard now that the beer had dried and the texture was coarse against his stubble. After a few minutes and an excessive amount of paper towels, his skin was beginning to feel a bit more normal. He inspected himself in the mirror and was relieved to see he no longer looked quite so ridiculous. "Thanks, bro."

"So what are you doing now?"

"Going home," Cal said, sheepishly. "And having a shower."

Ethan's lip twitched.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"Never!" Ethan said despite the beam on his face. "I'm trying desperately hard to ignore the flashbacks of you dripping with beer."

Cal scowled. "It's not funny, Nibbles."

Ethan burst out laughing. "Trust me, it is."

* * *

Cal turned the water as hot as he could bare it and stood directly underneath the showerhead so that the water cascaded down his front and back in equal measures. The sound of water hitting the side of the bath drowned out his thoughts and came as as much of a welcome as finally feeling clean.

He showered for longer than he'd willingly to admit to, knowing at least one of his housemates would comment on the cost of bills. After he eventually managed to get out he wrapped a towel around his hips and wandered downstairs into the kitchen in search of a drink. Although he hadn't wanted the beer earlier, he was grateful that the can remained on the kitchen table. He took a long swig but kept the can in his hand, planning to drink the rest in his room.

Something made him pause at the bottom of the staircase to inspect the discarded pile of post that lay at the bottom of the stairs. Many of the letters were junk mail or vouchers for takeaway pizza, but one envelope was for him. He didn't need to recognise the handwriting for him to identify the sender, for the name that was scrawled across the top of the envelope gave it away. The letter wasn't addressed to Caleb Knight. It was addressed to Caleb Hardy.


	13. Chapter 13

First of all I want to say a massive thank you for the reviews and I'm really glad you enjoyed the last part - it was fun to write!

Next I want to apologise that this chapter is a bit of a mess. I've said it before but I find Ethan's chapters much harder to write than Cal's (which is odd as I'm definitely more similar to Ethan). This particular chapter was difficult as Ethan is still annoyed at Cal over Tasha but he's also sympathetic towards him for reasons which you'll soon find out. I'm not sure that Ethan's actions in the second part of the chapter make much sense either - I know exactly why he makes his choice so if it doesn't come across clearly then let me know and I'll be more than happy to explain.

I hope my self-criticism hasn't put everyone off reading and that you do manage to enjoy this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts.

x

* * *

Chapter 13

Ethan left his lecture trying to remember the exact procedure for reporting potential infectious diseases. He'd written it in his notepad and underlined the most crucial words but he always liked to test himself after learning something new, to see how well he had memorised it.

In between recalling 'stay calm' and 'report immediately to a senior member of staff', Ethan spotted his brother sitting on a bench and smoking a cigarette. He considered pretending he hadn't seen him, but it seemed a little too coincidental that Cal was waiting outside the exact lecture theatre he had been in. As he approached Cal his brother stubbed out the remains of his cigarette and stood up to greet him.

"Nibbles, finally!" Cal said. "What took you so long? Staying behind for extra credits?"

"I just wanted a little finer detail on one of his points," Ethan replied. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I thought I'd better not come to your flat."

"That's surprisingly astute of you."

Cal smiled. "See. I _do_ consider other people."

Ethan raised an eyebrow. He couldn't deny that Cal's decision to stay away from his flat was a good one, but the reason behind it just served to prove that Cal had upset someone. However many times Tasha declared she was fine, Ethan could tell otherwise from the way she was skipping lectures and barely leaving her room. On the occasions he and Erin had convinced her to eat some toast she'd been pyjama clad and had swollen eyes.

"Can we get a coffee?" Cal asked. "I'm buying."

"I should really be-"

"You better not finish that sentence with the word studying."

"Working," Ethan said. "Revising. Educating myself."

"I hope you're joking. You're a fresher; you don't need to work! And anyway, how many times do I offer to buy you a drink?"

Ethan hesitated. He'd mostly been winding Cal up about studying, but he really wanted to get back to Erin and see what she'd thought of the lecture.

"Please, Ethan," Cal said, his voice serious this time. "I need to show you something."

Ethan met his big brother's eyes and could see a worry was hidden behind the bravado and laughter. "Fine," he replied, "but you can get me a large."

He waited patiently while Cal queued for the drinks but an apprehension grew in the pit of his stomach as he tried to piece together what Cal wanted to say. There was only one thing that usually brought that look to his brother's eyes, but he really hoped he was wrong.

The drink slopped as Cal placed it on the table and Ethan jumped up to grab some napkins. By the time he'd returned and mopped up the spilt liquid, Cal had fished something out of his bag and was holding it with both hands.

"Is that it?" Ethan asked. "What you wanted me to see?"

Cal nodded and wordlessly handed the piece of paper over.

The letter was jaggedly sellotaped together, apparently after being ripped apart. Although a few letters were missing among frayed edges of paper, Ethan could see enough to read it. His eyes scanned the letter and confirmed it was from their dad. He looked up at Cal.

"Read it," Cal whispered.

Ethan did.

 _Caleb,_

 _The damage your behaviour caused is irreparable so I do not wish to tread old grounds. However, it transpires that we have not completely gone our separate ways. I am disturbed by your presence at the same University as your brother and this must be resolved as a matter of urgency._

 _Although your manipulations did not fool me or your mother, Ethan is trusting to the point of gullibility. I'm sure the one thing we can agree on is that he will be easily swayed by your influence. I have no intention to allow a second son of mine to throw away the opportunity to make a success of his life._

 _I can only hope that you have seen the error of your ways and understand that for all the wrong you have done, this is the time to put things right. Do one good thing in your life. Let Ethan go and give him the chance to succeed. He will not do so if the pair of you remain together._

 _I expect you to make arrangements to transfer to a different University and I am being generous enough to allow you the choice of any outside a fifty mile radius of your current location. I must insist that preparations for this are made immediately._

 _David Hardy._

Once he had finished reading, Ethan continued to stare at the letter even though he was sure he could no longer distinguish one of the words if he tried. He didn't want to look at Cal and see that hurt in his eyes. He didn't want to be reminded of how cruel his dad could be.

"Is it true?" Cal said quietly.

"No! Dad just doesn't understand you, that's all."

"Not that," Cal said. "I don't care about that bit. I mean about it being better for you if I wasn't around."

Ethan finally met his brother's eyes. "Dad doesn't understand _me_ either," he said. "I'm not as easily influenced as he thinks. Have I started sleeping with every girl I see just because you do?"

"Just one girl," Cal replied with a weak smile.

Ethan shifted awkwardly in his seat. He could feel his cheeks burning. He looked away from Cal, hoping he won't notice his discomfort but then wondered if that made it more noticeable and so turned his head back and tried to stop fidgeting. He didn't have to justify himself anyway. It was none of his brother's business whether he had or hadn't slept with his girlfriend yet.

Cal's eyes widened as he deciphered his brother's embarrassment. "Oh, I see."

"You don't _see_ anything," Ethan said. His cheeks were now uncomfortably hot. "It's private."

"Okay. But I'm prepared to share my best tips." Cal winked. "All you have to do is ask."

"I'm not asking."

"Suit yourself.

Ethan cleared his throat and wished the redness in his cheeks would dissipate. This was precisely why he hadn't wanted Cal to find out about Erin. His brother knew exactly how to embarrass him and Ethan didn't doubt he'd try to do so at every single opportunity. He made a mental note to keep Cal away from his girlfriend as much as possible.

But as soon as he'd had the thought, he wished he hadn't. Now that there was a chance that Cal might have to move Universities, it might become very easily to keep his brother away. A knot formed in the pit of Ethan's stomach as he wondered if he could get used to being without his big brother for the second time.

"You're not going to leave are you?" he asked.

Cal shrugged. "But what will happen if I don't?"

"He can't do anything. You're twenty-one; Dad has no legal control over you."

Ethan assumed Cal was about to speak, but nothing came out. He waited patiently for his brother to find the words, but then Cal firmly pursed his lips and looked glumly at his coffee. Ethan noticed the bags under his brother's eyes and the unusual pallor to his skin. There was a large chance Cal was hungover, but Ethan frowned slightly as it flashed through his mind whether there was another reason for his brother's appearance.

Ethan exhaled deeply. "Dad's letter said you need to leave for my sake. I'm saying _stay_ for my sake."

Cal's eyes flickered to his. "You want me to stay?"

"I want you to stay."

"Even though I'm bad for you?"

"I think I can cope," Ethan said with a slight smile. "You're not that bad."

"Careful, Nibbles, that's verging on a compliment."

Ethan was relieved to see that his brother was smiling at him. Although he remained pale, the rest of his features had returned to normal.

"I'll sort this, Caleb," he said.

"How? You can't let Dad know you're still talking to me."

Ethan fell silent. He knew the only way to resolve anything would be to convince his dad that Cal was a decent person and that their brotherly relationship was worth savouring, not destroying. But David Hardy was a proud man and had to come to conclusions for himself. No matter how logically Ethan put it to him, he knew it would only work if his Dad had evidence to back it up. Erin's plan to get them to meet was becoming a much stronger option.

"I'll think of something."

* * *

Ethan balanced on the edge of Erin's bed. Although she was comfortable enough to make herself at home in his room, he still felt awkward being in hers. He was always careful to make sure he didn't invade her privacy or disturb anything from its proper place.

"I need your help," he said.

She shuffled so that she was next to him and put an arm around his waist. "With what?"

"Dad's asked Cal to move Uni. I think our plan needs implementing urgently."

"Are you sure it'll work?"

Ethan removed his glasses and polished them on the handkerchief he kept in his pocket, buying time while he thought. "I don't know," he eventually replied. "But it's the only possibility I can think of. There's no way I'd be able to get them to meet consensually but they _do_ need to meet, I think."

"Getting them to meet is doable," Erin said. "It's getting them to talk which could be the difficult bit."

"I don't suppose you have a spare basement we could lock them in until they've resolved things?"

"A basement?" Erin raised her eyebrows. "Should I be worried?"

"I suppose that does sound a little sinister."

"Just lock them in your room," Erin said. "You can share with me."

Ethan's brain immediately rewound to Cal assuming they'd already slept together. He didn't know if sharing rooms was code for having sex and he didn't feel it prudent to ask.

"Why are you blushing?"

"I'm not," Ethan lied. "I was just thinking that they'd be almost certain to trash the room if they argued."

"It would be worth it in the long run," Erin said softly.

Ethan nodded.

"So how will it work? You invite your dad to visit and ask Cal to meet you here at the same time?"

"Cal won't come to the flat because of Tasha."

"Tell him she's gone home for the weekend."

"Okay," Ethan said. "So getting Cal over should be simple enough. There's one problem though. Dad won't come without Mum and Mum doesn't know anything about Cal."

"Why's that a problem? Your mum misses Cal, right? She'll be over the moon to see him."

"I know." Ethan frowned and rubbed at his forehead. "I just feel that Dad and Cal should at least be amicable first. I don't want Mum getting caught up in any arguments. None of this is her fault."

Erin squeezed his knee. "But it's not yours either and yet you're the one left to put things right."

Ethan focused on Erin's hand on his leg. He placed his hand on top of it and let their fingers intertwine. "That doesn't matter," he said. "I think that I'm the only one who understands how stubborn they both are. Neither will agree to resolve their differences without a bit of coercion." He sighed. "Actually, as much as I'm wary about the idea, I think it might actually help to have Mum there. Hopefully they'll be more civil within her earshot."

"Why don't you phone them and set a date?"

"Yes. Yes, I should do that, shouldn't I?"

"Only if you're certain it's what you want," Erin said. "If you need longer to think about it, then that's okay too."

Ethan shook his head. "I'll be no more certain if I gave it a day or a week. This is the only possibility. While they're living so far apart, their imaginations are amplifying their opinions on each other. If they're face to face, surely they'll see what I see. They've both made mistakes but neither are as bad as the other seems to believe."

"Then maybe your dad will be okay with you two being at the same Uni."

"Maybe Cal will come home." Ethan reached into his pocket for his phone. He idly rocked it between two fingers. "Right." He took a deep breath. "Wish me luck."

"You don't need it," Erin said.

Ethan's mum answered and gushed with tales of her week, recounting each incidence in minute detail. Ethan let her speak despite his diminishing credit and increasing nerves about what he had to do. By the time he got his chance, he had to noisily clear his throat before any words would come out. He asked his mum if the pair of them would consider visiting him soon and could hear the smile in her voice as she replied.

His mum said that she'd love to see him, meet his friends and have a better look around the city he lived. She checked with her husband and Ethan could hear his dad's grunt of consensus down the phone line. He knew his dad had an ulterior motive by agreeing and was sure he'd try to check up on Cal while he was visiting.

As Ethan ended the call, he felt a sudden wave of nausea. His mum sounded so happy and the guilt at tricking her was overwhelming. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"They're coming next weekend," he said.


	14. Chapter 14

Massive thank you for the reviews for the last part. I wasn't very confident about it so you really boosted me.

I'm a bit nervous about posting this too, though for different reasons. This chapter contains very sensitive subject matter, so I'd urge anyone who may be effected to skip until the next part. Although I love readers, it is more important to me that I don't upset anyone and I promise you'll still be able to understand the story going forward. I hope I've handled this topic as considerately as I could.

The plot is beginning to speed up now and I'll do my best to keep updating regularly. I have lots in my head that I want to write but getting it into coherent sentences isn't always as easy as I'd like it to be!

Posting this chapter officially makes this story the longest word count of anything I've posted on here! I'd love to celebrate with lots of reviews ;)

Thanks for reading :)

* * *

Chapter 14

Cal pounded down the hallway, wondering what was so urgent that the person had buzzed the doorbell so persistently rather than accepting on the first ignored ring that no-one was coming. He flung open the door to see Tasha. Once he'd got over the initial surprise of seeing her there, he realised how rough she looked. She usually dressed in flattering low-cut tops, but today wore an oversized hoodie and had lank, unwashed hair. She was hugging herself tightly and staring at her feet as one foot scuffed against the gravel.

After their eyes met for a split second, she pushed past him into the house.

"Tasha, what?"

"We need to talk," she muttered.

Cal sighed. If she'd come for a last attempt at getting him to take her back, then he really wished she'd done so on the doorstep where it would have been much easier to get rid of her. But she was already half way up the stairs and so he had no choice but to reluctantly follow her.

Once they were both in his bedroom, she slammed the door shut and stood in front of it, blocking any escape route. She crossed her arms and looked everywhere in the room except for at him.

"What do you want?" he asked, impatiently. "I'm busy."

She shuffled from one foot to the other but remained silent.

"Tasha, seriously-"

"I'm pregnant," she said.

Cal legs suddenly felt as if they were no longer able to support his body. He lowered himself onto the edge of his bed, overcome with a bout of dizziness. He was sure his heart had skipped a beat.

"Is- Is it mine?"

She nodded.

"How do you know?"

"You're the only person I've slept with since starting Uni."

Cal buried his head in his hands. He had no reason to disbelieve her statement as he knew how much she'd liked him. "This can't be happening."

"I know." Tasha sat next to him on the bed, leaving a person sized gap between them. "I've taken three tests," she said. "But I still can't believe it. What are we going to do, Cal?"

"Do?" he muttered into his arms.

"You know, are we going to keep it, or… or..?"

Cal looked up at her. "You're thinking of keeping it?"

"I don't know," Tasha whined, her voice verging on hysteria. "I don't know what to do."

Cal swallowed down the bile that was rising in his throat. "You'd have to drop out of Uni, get a job or go on the dole."

"So you think I should get rid?"

"I don't know!" Cal let out a hiss of frustration. "How did this even happen? You told me you were on the pill."

"I _am_! And it was _you_ who said we didn't need to use condoms."

Cal fell silent. Although he'd had sex with plenty of girls, he'd never put any serious thought into what would happen if one of them got pregnant. Being a dad wasn't something he'd wanted to think about. He wouldn't have a clue how to bring up a child. He knew it involved putting someone above everything else and he'd been told more times than he could remember that he was selfish and self-absorbed.

But beyond that there were the niggling reminders of his own childhood. His own dad had set the worse possible example of fatherhood and Cal was terrified that he'd be doomed to repeat the same mistakes. And yet, having a child of his own could give him the chance to finally prove that he wasn't like his dad. Having his own family could be the thing he needed to ease the pain of being disowned.

"I've always wanted kids," Tasha said, "eventually. But I wanted to have some fun first and then work on my career, maybe settle down in my early thirties." She paused to wipe away a tear. "I'm _eighteen_ , Cal. How can I raise a baby?"

"Some people manage," Cal mumbled.

"And would you be there to help me?"

"I could try."

Tasha sniffed. "And what about when the baby's crying in the middle of the night and you're out partying? What about when you meet some girl and suddenly a child from an ex doesn't fit into your plan? What happens when you get bored? If we do this, Cal, you need to be committed and I don't think you can manage that, do you?"

Cal looked down at his lap. Tasha was right. His dad was right. He was useless and selfish and now he'd ruined Tasha's life as well as Ethan's and his own. He didn't know how he could have considered bringing up a baby, even for a second. "What about your family?" he asked.

"Mum would kill me. My dad would kill you."

"But I'm sure they'd support you."

"Whereas you won't?"

Cal shrugged. "It's just difficult."

"Difficult?" Tasha placed a hand on her stomach. "You're not the one with this thing inside of you! You've got a choice!"

"So have you!" Cal said.

"Right. An abortion." Tasha dug her fists into her eyes but it didn't stop the flow of tears. "I can feel it inside of me, Cal. I know it's too early to feel it moving, but I can feel _something_. I know there's a life inside me."

Cal's eyes prickled. "But what kind of life could we give it?"

"As long as we loved it…" Tasha said uncertainly.

"It takes more than that. It needs stability and security. It's not going to get that stability from me when we both know I can't commit and I run at the first sign of responsibility. And how can you provide financial stability when you're going to end up an unemployed teenage mum?"

Tasha had given up trying to stem her tears and was trembling all over. "Do you think I should have an abortion?"

Cal took a deep breath and willed himself not to cry. "Yes, I do," he said. "But it's got to be your decision, not mine."

"What if I do and then something goes wrong and I can't have any other kids?"

"That won't happen."

"It might!" Tasha let out a sob. "I don't want to be pregnant," she said. "I don't want to have a baby. Not now."

Cal was taken aback as Tasha threw herself at him and buried her head in his chest. He could fell the dampness of her tears soaking through his t-shirt. Despite the fact that it had been under two weeks since he'd put a stop to any physical contact between them, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. He moved his hand in soothing motions on her back and tried to think of something comforting to say.

Tasha's sobs rapidly increased in volume and Cal blinked furiously to keep his own tears at bay. He reminded himself what he'd learned about pregnancies as part of his degree. He didn't know how far along Tasha was, but he was sure the foetus couldn't be bigger than a couple of millimetres. He remembered how his lecturer had compared the size of babies to food objects; a lentil, a pumpkin seed, an orange pip. There was no point in crying over something so small that you could miss it when it was in your mouth.

And yet, he couldn't deny the ache in his chest. They'd created another human and that had to mean something. It would be so easy to let this baby live but then the hard bit would begin. Both he and Tasha were unequipped for this and the poor child would bear the consequences. He moved one hand from Tasha's back to wipe at a stray tear and reminded himself that getting rid of the foetus was the kind thing to do. The child would have no quality of life with him as a father; he was poison, just like his dad had said.

He could feel Tasha's breaths gradually slowing to their normal speed and he loosened his grip on her so that she could sit upright. When she raised her head he could see that her eyes were red and her cheeks puffy.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"About when I was young," she began. "I wasn't planned either. My older brothers were already 10 and 12 by the time my mum fell pregnant and I think they were looking forward to the next few years when the boys could look after themselves a bit more. My mum had quit the job that she hated and my dad had just taken up golf." She took a shaky breath. "But they sacrificed all that for me. They didn't even think twice about it. And my childhood was perfect."

"That's different."

"I know. But my mum had reasons to consider an abortion too and she chose against it." Tasha's shoulders shook as she was suddenly overcome by another burst of tears. "I'm such a bad person, aren't I? Oh God, I can't believe I'm going to do this."

Cal felt sick. "Do what?"

"I'm going to get rid of it," she said, between sobs. "I'm going to have to."

Cal wordlessly pulled her back to him and held her in his arms. "I can come with you."

"I don't want you to."

"You can't do this alone, Tasha."

"I deserve to," she said. "I deserve to go through this on my own."

"That's not true. If you don't want me there at least take a friend."

Tasha shook her head as best she could while it was buried in his lap. "No-one can know. And you can't tell anyone, okay? Not even Ethan."

"Okay," Cal murmured. Of course he couldn't tell Ethan. His brother would be mad at him for messing up yet again. Still, it felt weird that Ethan would never know how close he'd been to becoming an Uncle.

"Cal, are you sure we're doing the right thing?"

Cal shrugged but he knew Tasha couldn't tell from the angle she was at. Once Tasha had gone through with it, they could never go back. The small part of him that longed to have a family again, imagined holding a baby in his arms. He could envisage loving a child but doing right by one was almost impossible.

But with every almost, came a tiny alternative. Maybe having a baby would force him to grow up and to learn to care about someone other than himself. The possibility plagued his thoughts but he knew it was futile. They couldn't raise a child on a maybe. He sniffed and reminded himself that Tasha had made her choice. He couldn't be a dad to her child but he could give her the confidence to trust that what they were doing was for the best.

"We are doing the right thing," he said. "I promise."

Tasha left soon after, saying she needed to be by herself and that she'd book an appointment later that day. He'd offered to come with her and she'd refused for a second time. She said she didn't want to see him again, not because he'd broken her heart but because he would remind her of the baby that they'd never have.

He felt very alone once she'd gone and the room seemed unusually silent. He wondered if he'd feel like this forever. He stood up from the bed and stared blankly in front of him, trying to think how he'd usually pass the time. It took a few minutes of nothingness before he realised his cheeks were damp even though he didn't remember starting to cry.

The bedroom mirror showed him the reflection of a dishevelled and gutless young man. It showed the appearance of someone who could have been a father but was too cowardly to try. Cal hated the honesty that was reflected back at him. He hated how he looked with tears running down his face and shoulders so slumped with defeat.

He hated the fact he looked like his father.

A burst of anger ran through him as he realised all of his dad's accusations had been true. His fist curled into a ball and made hard, sharp contact with the mirror. Blood ran from his knuckles to his wrist and his hand started to throb even more than his head.

Despite the crack in the mirror he could still see his own eyes staring back at him.


	15. Chapter 15

As always the most important thing is to say a massive thank you to those who reviewed - At times I have been a little concerned that not many people are enjoying this story but I want to focus on my reviewers - you are so kind with what you say and I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. I'm glad you thought the last part was sensitively handled.

I've had this chapter written for a few days and have just been editing it as I wanted to make sure it was right. It's not perfect but it's definitely better than the drabble I wrote on my first attempt.

I really hope you enjoy reading this and I'll try to complete the next part as soon as I can.

Let me know what you think :)

* * *

Chapter 15

Ethan was woken by his alarm and quickly rolled over and turned it off. It may have been 7am on a Saturday but today was the day he had to implement his plan and he still had a lot to do.

The most immediate concern was Cal. His brother had been mysteriously absent on campus for the past week despite Ethan copying his technique of lingering outside lectures Cal was meant to attend. Even when Ethan had gone to his house he'd been told by Gus that Cal had gone out and he didn't know where.

While this was concerning in itself, it was even more problematic for his plan. Getting his parents to visit was pointless if Cal was nowhere to be found. It would be much easier if he could contact Cal on a mobile phone, but his brother was still unable to afford one.

Ethan struggled to the kitchen and made himself a large coffee and a bowl of Cornflakes. He dealt with early mornings better than most of his flatmates, but a dose of caffeine and carbs made it easier. He jumped as the kitchen door opened and almost choked on his cereal.

"Sorry," Tasha said, monotonously. "I didn't think anyone else would be in here this early." She turned as if to head back out.

"No, no, it's okay," Ethan replied in haste. "Stay. Please."

Tasha shrugged and made her way to the sink to pour herself a glass of water.

"Are you okay, Tasha?"

"I'm fine."

Ethan hesitated. "Try not to let my brother get you down. He's an idiot, he can't help himself."

"It's not that," she said. She forced a small smile. "It's sweet that you're concerned but honestly, I'll be fine."

Although he didn't believe her, Ethan nodded, accepting that she didn't want to talk about it. "What are you doing up at this hour then? Any nice plans for the day?"

Tasha's face returned to a state of gloom. "I've got plans," she said, "yes."

Ethan rubbed his forehead and wished he was better at cheering people up. Erin and Cal both seemed to have a knack of knowing what to say, even in difficult circumstances, but his mind always went blank and his jaw remained shut.

By the time he looked back up, Tasha was half way out the door.

"Have a good day, Ethan," she said softly.

"We'll see," he muttered to himself.

It was only half past eight when he found himself on Cal's doorstep debating whether it was acceptable to ring the bell and risk waking the whole house or if he should try something he'd read in books as a boy by throwing small pebbles at Cal's window. Upon admitting to himself that his aim was terrible, he made his choice and pressed his finger against the doorbell.

As expected, there was no response.

Ethan persisted, trying to ignore the guilt he was feeling at waking up a house of sleeping students. He didn't know Cal's housemates that well and hoped none of them were particularly aggressive first thing in the morning. Although Cal would be grumpy, Ethan was sure his brother wouldn't hit him.

Eventually the door opened to reveal Cal. His brother's eyes were still puffy from sleep and he was donned in pyjama bottoms and a loosely pulled dressing gown.

"Would you piss off?" Cal asked.

"I will shortly," Ethan said. "Can I come in?"

Cal trailed to the kitchen, leaving it Ethan's job to shut the door and receive a glare from a housemate he dimly recognised.

The kitchen was an even bigger mess than usual. The dirty plates and pans overflowed from the sink and balanced precariously on the work surface and Ethan couldn't help but notice various food spillages on the floor.

Cal didn't apologise for the mess, but located a glass from the top of the pile and rinsed it with little enthusiasm before filling it to the brim with water and taking a large swig. As he did so, Ethan couldn't help but notice the dishevelled bandage that was around his brother's knuckles.

"What have you done to your hand?"

Cal quickly shoved the injured hand in his dressing gown pocket but showed no other signs of having heard the question. "I hope it's important," he said. For you to have woken half the street at the crack of dawn."

"I just wanted to invite you round, that's all. Later today."

Cal looked at him like he was stupid. "I'm not coming to your flat."

"Tasha's away," Ethan lied. "She's gone home for the weekend."

"Right." Cal frowned. "Well, what's the occasion?"

"Just a good brotherly chat."

"And it needs to be today, does it?"

Ethan nodded. "Yes," he said firmly. "It needs to be today. At, um, 2 o'clock."

"Nibbles, you're being weird. If you want to talk to me so badly, just spit it out now."

Ethan fidgeted uncomfortably and cursed himself for not thinking of such an obvious remark. "I- I'm busy just now," he stammered. "I've got to go, um, shopping."

Cal set his glass down on the table. "Is everything alright, Ethan?"

"Splendid," Ethan said. An idea began to form in his mind. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I need to take you up on your offer." He winced slightly. "Your offer of _tips_."

"Sex tips?"

Ethan bowed his head, knowing his cheeks were crimson. "Yes," he said. "Tonight's the night!"

Cal snorted. "Okay then. I suppose that explains your little shopping trip too?"

"Condoms," Ethan muttered.

The smile evaporated from Cal's face. "Yes," he said. "You need them."

"So you'll come over in a bit?"

"I suppose. Anything for my little brother in his hour of need!"

Ethan finally managed to meet Cal's eyes. He was more humiliated than he could recall being ever before, but if that was what it took to get Cal to his flat, then so be it. "Great. Thank you." He backed towards the door. "I'd better go and… shop."

Cal managed a chuckle at Ethan's retreating back. "Make sure you buy extra small," he called down the hallway.

* * *

His parents arrived ten minutes later than planned and Ethan used the time wisely. First he completed a final inspection of the flat to ensure that all the inappropriate items his housemates had procured over the past few months were hidden from his parent's view. Then he visited Erin's room for some last minute reassurance and to remind her of the role she had to play. Although they'd had the same conversation several times before, this was the first time Erin ended it by leaning towards him and giving him a good luck kiss.

When the doorbell finally sounded he jumped up in such haste that he knocked over a pile of Erin's books. He apologised profusely and tried to stack them back up but she'd insisted it was okay and that he should go to the door before another housemate got there and said something incriminating. He accepted a hug from his mum and a handshake from his dad and then invited them through to his kitchen.

His mum talked non-stop about everything from Ethan's surprisingly clean surroundings, to her yoga class, to the phone call she'd had with her sister who lived in Australia and was often aloof. His dad, however, had stayed largely silent since demanding to know whether Ethan was working hard and remaining undistracted.

When a brisk knock came on the front door, Ethan excused himself from his parents as quickly as he could to go and answer it.

For a moment, Ethan thought that Cal looked upset, but then he barged his way into the flat and winked at him.

"You get your _shopping_ done?"

Ethan looked frantically towards the closed kitchen door behind which he'd left his parents. "Please keep your voice down."

"Worried Erin might discover you're asking me for help?" he said a fraction quieter.

Ethan frowned and ushered his brother towards his bedroom at the opposite end of the corridor. "Make yourself at home," he said, "although I'm sure you would even without me inviting you to. I'll make us some coffee."

He waited long enough to check Cal had bounded on to the bed and was flicking through a notebook Ethan had left lying around. Back in the kitchen he feigned sudden enthusiasm for something he'd just remembered he'd wanted to show his parents and begged them to come to his bedroom and see it straight away. His mum looked excited but his dad looked suspicious and Ethan feared that he'd worked out what he was about to do.

As they walked down the corridor, Ethan gave the signal on Erin's door; a gentle double-knock, just like they'd agreed. He hoped it had been loud enough for her to hear. He held open his own door and encouraged his parents to enter first. As soon as he followed them in and closed the door behind him he heard the snap of the lock confirming that Erin had turned the key. There was no escape route until he permitted it.

As Cal clasped eyes upon his parents, he jumped up from the bed and slowly backed away, only shuddering to a halt when his back collided with the wall. Their mum let out a squeal and Cal winced. He let his mum pull him into a tight embrace but he didn't hug back, his own arms remaining limply by his side. His eyes were locked on their father.

"I instructed you to leave," their dad said.

At that comment, their mum span around to stare in shock at her husband. "You knew?"

"You disobeyed me," he continued. "You _both_ disobeyed me."

Ethan stomach churned. "Dad," he said. "Please. Cal. Let's just talk. We can fix everything; be together again."

Ethan saw Cal squirm out of his mother's arms and instinctively stepped sideways, blocking the path between Cal and the door. His brother matched towards him and rushed him roughly out the way. Cal furiously tugged at the door handle, pushing and pulling and trying to twist it in ways it wouldn't move. He kicked the bottom of the door.

"Give me the key!"

"I haven't got it," Ethan said. "We're not leaving until this is sorted."

Cal let out a grunt of frustration. He turned to confront Ethan and their faces were so close that Ethan could feel his brother's breath, hot and heavy, against his forehead. He braced himself to be hit.

No impact came but what Ethan saw when he reopened his eyes hurt more than any punch. His brother's eyes were damp and his forehead creased with anguish. Hatred radiated from his glare. For Cal to be displaying his emotions so openly, Ethan knew it must be serious and he longed for the moment his family reconciled and his brother could be relieved of the pain.

"How could you do this to me?" Cal asked.

Ethan shook his head. "It'll be okay," he whispered.

"It won't!" Cal stormed back into the middle of the room, his finger pointing towards his dad. "I don't want to speak to this man, Ethan! I don't want anything to do with him. I told you that!"

"And trust me," their dad scoffed. "The day this boy left was the best day of my life."

" _David!_ " their mother scolded. Her shoulders shook. "Caleb, please. I miss you."

"Why didn't you stop him then?" Cal asked, in a broken voice.

"Stop wh-?"

"Oh, come on now," their dad said, "you can't still be playing the victim. Unfortunate as it is, I _am_ your father; it was my job to discipline you when you misbehaved."

"You mean when I dared to have an opinion?"

"I mean when you disobeyed me!"

"It's all about you!" Cal yelled. "Who cares if I forgot to do my homework? Who cares if I came home drunk once or twice? It's nothing compared to what you did."

"You are an insubordinate bastard."

" _David!"_

"You spread poison, Caleb. That's why I had to make you to leave. Look at Ethan. He would have never pulled a devious stunt like this if it wasn't for your influence."

Out of the corner of his eye, Ethan could see that his mum had tears streaming down her cheeks. He wanted to get to her and comfort her but his dad and Cal were in the way.

"Enough!" Ethan shouted. "Stop fighting! Listen. Cal had nothing to do with this. I planned it because I'm sick of having a family who have fallen apart. We need to talk, _properly talk_ , and maybe we can solve this."

There was silence for a minute.

"No, Ethan," Cal said. "There's no chance of solving anything."

"Just hear Dad out."

"Hear him out?" Cal repeated incredulously. "Weren't you listening to what he just said?"

Ethan took a step closer to Cal and could see tears pooling in the corner of his brother's eyes. "I know you're upset," he began, "and Dad – you need to stop saying such horrible things. But he just wants the best for you, Caleb. He's only angry because he doesn't feel you've achieved your potential." Ethan took a deep breath. "But that's where you're wrong, Dad. Cal's doing really well. And it's not fair that can't have his parent's support just because of some stupid arguments you had years ago."

"Ethan's right," their mum said. Her cheeks were still damp but she managed to speak without a waver in her voice. "I'm sorry, Cal. I should have been there for you. I _would_ have been there for you if only you'd told us where you were."

"I didn't tell you for a reason. I don't need you," Cal said. He glared at Ethan. "Any of you."

"Cal-"

"Just let me out the fucking room," Cal said. "I'll leave. I'll move Uni or I'll drop out altogether. You can forget I was ever part of the family." He furiously wiped at a tear. "Happy now?"

"I don't believe you," their dad said. "I won't believe we're free from you unless I personally oversee it."

"What, like you did before?" Cal snapped.

"I'll do a better job this time."

"He's our _son_ , David! We can't send him away again when we've only just got him back."

Their dad tried to take his wife's hand but she snatched it away.

"Matilda, I know you've got a soft spot for the boy but you have to see that it's for the best. Look how unhappy he's making you."

"You're making me unhappy," she said.

"This is what he does! He destroys everything and then ensures someone else gets the blame."

Ethan's eyes stung as he watched his parents. His worst fears were coming true. Not only had he failed to resolve the dispute between his dad and Cal but now a further argument had brewed. Everything was falling apart.

He jumped as Cal's fingers close tightly around his wrist. He hadn't even seen his brother approaching but now he looked up he could see that he was violently trembling.

"Let me out, Ethan."

"I can't," Ethan whispered. His throat constricted as he realised he was running out of time and he struggled to take the next breath. "Not until- not until I've fixed this."

"Please," Cal whimpered. "You don't understand. I need to go."

Ethan tried to look his brother straight in the eye, but Cal was determinedly staring at the floor and refusing to make eye contact. "Tell me what I don't understand," he said softly.

Cal gave a shuddering sob. He shoved Ethan away from him and turned to the door. Even though he knew it was locked he brutally tugged at the handle. He turned and threw himself at the door, his shoulder colliding with the hard wood. He let out a yowl but barely left a second before his shoulder made contact with the door for a second time. It didn't budge.

Ethan was pushed to the side again as his dad marched past him and roughly grabbed Cal by the top of his arms and dragged him back to the centre of the room. Cal struggled and let out another pained cry.

"Control yourself!" their dad ordered. "Act like a man and not an animal."

"Discipline me then," Cal shouted. "Be _man_ enough to do it in front of someone this time, so they can see what you're really like."

He released Cal and shook his head. "I really don't know what you're talking about."

Cal spun back around to face his dad, both fists clenched and his chest heaving. "Then let me remind you. Every time I didn't live up to your expectations, every time I had a little fun or every time I voiced an opinion that you didn't share." Cal wiped away a tear with a balled fist. "You beat me, didn't you _Dad_? Admit it!" he yelled. "Tell them what you did!"

"Beat you?" their dad gave a small chuckle. "I may have clipped you behind the ear once or twice when you were at your most rude, but that's hardly classed as a beating."

Cal continued as if he hadn't even heard his dad's reply. "And remember that last time? On the night that you kicked me out. You beat me so badly that you broke the coffee table by throwing me onto it. And then you got the table leg and you hit me with it." Cal placed his hand on his abdomen. "Just here. Do you remember? You hit me so hard that you ruptured my spleen. I had to have an operation." He paused. "Except you didn't know that, did you? Because you'd already removed me from your life and I had nowhere to go. So when I collapsed on the street it was a complete stranger who called an ambulance and accompanied me to hospital and a kind nurse that sat with me when I woke up from surgery."

Ethan felt like all the air had been squeezed out of his lungs and his body had grown five times heavier. It took all his power to keep himself upright and manage not to scream.

"No," their mum sobbed. "It can't be true."

Cal grabbed the bottom of his top with shaking hands and pulled the fabric up his abdomen, revealing a dark pink scar that lay at the base of his ribs.

"It could be from anything," their dad said. "Who knows what he's been up to."

Ethan stared at the scar but it became blurry as his eyes filled with tears. He felt the wet trickle onto his cheek but couldn't summon the energy to wipe it away. "Cal-" he whispered. His stomach churned.

"Let me out," Cal replied at an equally low volume.

Ethan nodded. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and clumsily searched his contacts for Erin's number. She disconnected the call rather than answering but a few seconds later, there was a clunk as the latch was unlocked.

Ethan reached out as Cal passed him. He wasn't sure whether he was aiming for a hug or a grasp of hands, but he felt like he should somehow touch his brother to reassure him and apologise that he hadn't known. But Cal ran out of the room so fast that he almost knocked Erin over. Usually Ethan would want to berate his brother for his carelessness but on this occasion he couldn't blame Cal for fleeing.

He watched his girlfriend as her gaze returned to the room. She hesitated for a moment and flashed a cautious glance towards his dad. But then she rush to Ethan and pulled him to her.

He was grateful for the firm hold she had of him for his legs were close to giving way. He rested his head on her shoulder and let the material of her cardigan soak up his tears.

"He's a liar," his dad said. "I never laid a finger upon him. I wouldn't."


	16. Chapter 16

Wow, thank you so much for the amazing response to the last chapter. I really wasn't expecting so many reviews but I appreciate each and every one of them. I'm glad you all found it emotional as it took a few rewrites for the emotions in my head to get themselves down on paper, so to speak.

This chapter may come across a bit weird in parts. I don't want to spoil the plot, but the weirdness _is_ intentional and you'll soon find out why. I'm not too sure if it works in the way I intended it to, so hopefully you'll be kind enough to let me know. I welcome feedback as well so please feel free to let me know if I went a bit too experimental with this and I apologise in advance if this chapter doesn't make sense! I'm scared I ruined it a bit towards the end.

I should also add a warning for this chapter that some of the themes may not be suitable for younger readers. There is also a bit of bad language (as there was in the previous chapter too and I'm sorry that I forgot to add a warning).

I'll try to stop rambling on now and leave you to (hopefully) enjoy the chapter.

As always, I'd love it if you can spare the time to leave a review.

x

* * *

Chapter 16

Cal sat at the bar and stared numbly at his double whiskey and coke. It was his fifth drink but he still wanted to cry. He suspected the only reason that he was keeping it together was because his body had run out of tears. He wasn't entirely sure whether that was possible but it was the only explanation for why he wasn't a sobbing heap on the floor.

He'd never been to this particular bar before but that was precisely why he'd chosen it. He knew that he was safe from bumping into anyone he knew and that Ethan would never think to look for him in somewhere that played heavy metal. The music was giving him a bit of a headache if he was honest but it was the only genre that came even close to drowning out his thoughts.

He wanted to hate Ethan for setting him up like that, but the look on his little brother's face when he heard the truth was enough to absolve him. Ethan thought he was doing the right thing, at least. It was his dad that he truly hated. He wished him dead and he couldn't even summon any guilt because of it. He'd dreaded seeing his dad again for years and the moment he'd clamped eyes on him today all he'd wanted to do was run and hide.

Yet instead he had fought and shouted and, in a fit of rage, admitted the truth. He had no idea what the consequences of that would be but couldn't imagine his dad would let him get away with it.

He gulped down the remainder of his drink and leant across the bar to order another. By the time he'd paid and slumped back onto the bar stool, he found a girl standing by his side and making no attempt to hide that she was staring at him. He looked her up and down. She was dressed similarly to most of the clientele, in a tight black dress with several studded belts around her waist even though they had nothing to hold up. Her lip was pieced and her jet black hair was perfectly straight.

"Drink?" the girl asked.

"I've already got one."

Cal expected her to take offence but her only response was to offer a shrug, seeming unperturbed by his abruptness. He watched as she beckoned towards a barman and greeted him as if they were long lost friends. She ordered two vodka shots and a pint of cider and pushed one of the shots towards him.

"You look like you need it," she said.

He didn't corroborate the statement except to pick up the shot glass and hold it to his lips, letting the liquid burn its way down his throat. "Thanks."

The girl downed her own shot and wiped a hand across her mouth, somehow avoiding smudging the dark red lipstick. She turned back to Cal. "You don't look like someone I'd usually see here!" she said.

"You shouldn't judge on appearances. I love this…" he cocked his head to the side as he listened to the music. "…screaming."

"Come and dance then."

" _Dance_?"

The girl nodded towards the far end of the bar where the room opened up into a wider space. Even though the night was relatively early there was still a large group of people jumping up and down in time to the music. She held out a hand to Cal.

"I can't dance to this."

"But I thought you loved this music," she teased.

Cal huffed and refocused his attention on his drink. "I'm not in the mood to dance to anything."

The girl grabbed a bar stool and made a show of placing next to Cal and climbing up onto it. "Okay, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I've had a bad day," Cal said. "A bad few days. I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't want to talk, you don't want to dance. What _do_ you want to do?"

Cal fixed her with a glare that he hoped demonstrated how stupid her question had been. "I want to drink."

The girl pursed her lips as she thought. "I can help you with that."

"I'll have another shot," he said.

She snorted. "Well it's your round."

Cal stood up to retrieve his wallet from his back pocket and was surprised to find that his head spun from the sudden movement. The thumping of the music only worsened the sensation but he wasn't concerned; it was a sign that he was on his way to a welcomed inebriation. He eagerly ordered two shots of vodka which they drank in unison and slammed the empty glasses back on the bar as if they'd finished a race.

"Another?" Cal asked.

"I'll buy them if you tell me what's bothering you."

Cal moved to slump back onto the stool but wobbled as he almost missed the seat. "I can buy my own."

"What is it? Girl problems?"

"No," Cal scoffed. He thought of Tasha alone in the clinic as strangers aborted their baby. It still hurt to imagine what might have been, but at least the day's events had proved that he had been right that he couldn't fit as part of any family.

He tried to beckon at the barman the same way the girl had earlier but the server didn't seem to notice.

She rolled her eyes at him and called over to the barman requesting the same again.

When the two shots appeared, Cal downed his before the girl had even fished out her money. He gasped his relief and wondered how long before he could have another.

"Drinking's not the answer, you know."

"You sound like my brother," Cal replied automatically. His chest throbbed. No doubt his brother was being looked after by their mum instead of drinking his body weight with a girl he'd just met. He was always the one who was left to deal with things on his own.

"I just meant," the girl said, "that there are better things than alcohol to make you happy."

Cal frowned. "Like what?"

"Not here," she said. She grabbed his hand this time and pulled him off the stool. "Dance and I'll tell you."

Now he was on his feet he could do little but object. He was grateful for the alcohol that pulsed through his veins and stopped him caring that she was dragging him to the dancefloor. They faced each other and she wrapped one arm around his neck and searched her handbag with the other.

He felt her shove something small and round into his palm. He didn't know what drug it was but her practised subtlety made him doubt it was legal. Their eyes met and she nodded encouragingly at him.

"It's okay," she said. "I promise. I take them all the time."

He hesitated. He'd never considered taking unknown pills before, not even if the first few months after his dad had kicked him out and he was lodging in a drug fuelled hostel. But after the abortion and the argument with his dad and the look on his mum and his brother's faces when he told them what had happened, he felt desperate. And it could take hours still before he reached oblivion from the alcohol.

"Will it help me forget?" he asked.

"It'll make you happy."

Cal nodded. He moved the pill so that it was between his thumb and forefinger and pushed it into his mouth in one swift movement. He kept the drug under his tongue until the girl had also poked one between her lips. After he watched her swallow he did the same. The pill stuck slightly as it went down his throat.

At first, Cal felt nothing. The club remained a headache of noise and people and he began to get bored of jumping around to tuneless music, even despite the way the girl couldn't keep her hands off him. But suddenly he noticed a beautiful strobe of light travelling from one angle of the dancefloor to another. He followed the beam of light but nearly tripped over his own feet as he spun around in a circle.

The girl giggled and asked what he was looking at, so Cal pointed to the light. He whacked a stranger with his hand as he did so and the look of confusion on the man's face was enough to make Cal join in with the laughter.

He was surprised to hear the noise coming from his own throat and noticed for the first time how peculiar his laugh sounded. He'd always thought laughing was like speaking, like ha-ha-ha, but now he realised how loudly he breathed when he laughed and how he sounded like an animal; a bird or a sheep.

He tried to locate the noisy sheep but they'd somehow he'd ended up in the middle of the dancefloor and he couldn't see anything but arms and legs and mouths that were screaming along to the music. He could hear the music now, hear it and understand it and he wanted to join in with it. The music seemed to be coming from inside of him. And then he realised that was because he was singing. The tune and the words of the song were foreign to him but that didn't matter because he'd always been a musical genius and he was sure he was improving the song anyway.

Then the girl thumped his arm and tried to copy his singing, except her vocals were nowhere near the standard of his and she sounded as if she was shouting in a made up language. He laughed loudly at her and swung around trying to find the sheep. What kind of bar was this, he wondered, that let sheep run amok alongside normal people?!

He was laughing again and he had no idea why. The _why_ didn't matter much anyway but he could certainly remember the _how_ and that was thanks to the girl. She was dancing with such enthusiasm that her hair was doing an extra dance of her own. He reached out to smooth the dark locks and the next thing he knew was that her hands were around his neck and his lips were on hers.

The kiss was messy and sloppy and usually he'd have made a feeble excuse to disappear but somehow the girl made it feel good. She moved her lips far enough away from his to whisper something in his ear. He couldn't hear what she said but he agreed anyway because last time he agreed to her it had led to the euphoric feeling he had now. He staggered as she led him through the crowd and he paused to look at the amazing show of lights that were beaming through the club. A kiss on his collarbone preceded a tug on his wrist and the room seemed to morph around him as they clattered into an empty toilet cubicle.

Cal placed a hand on the wall to steady himself as she tugged down his jeans. He could feel what she was doing to him and he wanted more and he was half way through telling her so when a piece of graffiti on the wall caught his eye. It spelt his brother's name or at least he thought it did but the writing was scribbly and the letters kept on carelessly moving around. Even so, it was close enough to his brother's name for him to think about Ethan and wonder what he was up to. It would be nice to see Ethan, he thought, so that he could tell his brother about this club that let sheep into its midst. He thought about the clever joke Ethan would probably make about most clubs being full of human sheep. He laughed. His brother told the worst jokes in the world.

Suddenly the girl's face was back in front of his, demanding to know what was so funny. He tried to tell her, but the piercing on her lip had started moving like a little black beetle about to crawl inside her mouth. He didn't want to kiss her anymore and he told so. She shoved him against the wall and told him to go fuck himself. He laughed at how apt that was now he had his trousers round his ankles and no girl to keep him company.

He zipped himself back up and stumbled back into the club. The light show was still taking place but it wasn't as entertaining as before. In fact, it looked dangerous now. There was lightning, lightning inside the building, and he knew it was only a matter of time before somebody got struck. He ran because if it was him who got hit by lightning then he wouldn't be able to see his brother.

He ran so fast that he was half way to Ethan's flat before he saw that the lightning had pursued him and was shooting from lampposts and car headlights. He jumped and zigzagged to avoid being hit by it and was grateful for the bursts of energy that surged through his veins. But then he realised, he didn't need to run; he could fight the lights.

He ground to a halt in front of a beam shining from a lamppost. Slowly, he crept past it. The light flickered and followed him. He continued for two more paces, trying to trick it, but then pounced back around and stood like a statue, his feet hip width apart and his arms out in front of him, ready to attack. The light was still too now, playing a similar game. It was a game of patience, waiting to see who would give in first. And Cal refused to lose.

But then he felt a twitch in his right leg and another in the place where neck becomes shoulder. He tried to ignore the urge to move but his whole body started to tremble. There was such energy in his limbs that he couldn't keep them still. He shouted as he succumbed to losing the game against the lamppost and for a moment he thought he was back in the club where men and women shouted words to unmelodic music. He turned and ran.

It was quite far for Cal to run to Ethan's flat, but he didn't mind because it was really important that he saw his brother. He knew there was something he needed to tell him. There were some words that needed to leave his mouth. His tongue itched. He tried to scratch it with his teeth but it didn't make a difference. His whole throat itched. The only way to soothe it would be to get rid of the tickly words inside of him. He tried shouting them to the street – I hate my dad – but it didn't cure him and that was probably because Ethan wasn't there to hear.

His little brother was like sellotape. He could fix anything. And Cal needed him to take the words from his mouth so that his tongue would stop itching so much. He would say it to his brother and then Ethan would repeat it right back at him. I hate dad too. But the problem with sellotape was that it also sealed lips shut and if Ethan didn't say it then Cal's mouth would itch forever.

At the front door of Ethan's block, Cal said his brother's name like a password to enter the building. Ethan. Nibbles. The fucking Hardy family. The door didn't open so Cal threw himself at it. He remembered that the door was always left unlocked at almost the exact time his body collided with hard floor. He jumped up immediately and glared at the carpet.

The doorbell to Ethan's flat made a funny moo-like noise. Cal mooed back and laughed and it sounded as if he was at a farmyard. When no-one answered the door, he buzzed again and waited. Each second seemed to last forever. He played the doorbell like a piano, first using his thumb, then working his way down his fingers and then back to his thumb. He had to find the best finger to press the bell with. Only then would he get a response. Eventually he gave up and rested his head against the doorbell, letting it buzz continuously.

Cal felt a rush of air as the door was whipped open. He lifted his head but instead of his brother, he saw Tasha. She stood still and silent with her arms folded across her chest. He couldn't remove his eyes from her. The muscle in his shoulder twitched violently this time. His tongue was itchier than ever, even when he ground his teeth to try to scratch it. As his vision blurred, he could see Tasha looking at him in alarm.

And then she slammed the door shut in his face.


	17. Chapter 17

Sorry for the delay in posting this. I have no better excuse than a bit of writers block and a lot of procrastination.

Thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter. It was really reassuring to know it was enjoyed. But in case there's any regular readers who weren't keen on the style of last part then please let me reassure you that this one is a bit more normal.

I hope this part is okay and I'd love it if you could leave me a review x

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Chapter 17

Eventually Ethan's parents had left under the guise of going home to talk rationally. He would have pointed out how ludicrous that sounded if it hadn't been for his desperation to get his dad out of his room. Ethan had wanted to scream at his dad for what he'd done and then himself and his mum for being so blind that they'd missed it. But instead he had cried and cried some more and allowed Erin to lead him to his bed so that he no longer had to battle to keep himself upright.

They'd spent the remainder of the day there, side by side with Erin's arm around his shoulders. He berated himself for crying, embarrassed that she'd seen him in such a state, but she convinced him it was only natural to be upset in those circumstances. He wished he'd gone after Cal but at the point where his brother had fled from the room, his state of shock had been too great for his brain to think of such an obvious response.

He was sure Cal would be getting drunk somewhere and his own knowledge of the pubs and clubs in town was significantly limited. Erin advised him to wait until the following day and then catch Cal at his house so they could talk about everything that had happened. Ethan knew that was wise but it didn't ease the screaming guilt inside of him.

At about one in the morning, Ethan had insisted Erin go to bed. She'd been reluctant to leave him but he'd said he was tired and that he'd be fine by himself. He changed into his pyjamas out of habit and crawled under the duvet. Although he'd been honest about being tired he was certain he'd get no sleep. His eyes prickled again as he thought about what Cal had said and he was glad the room was dark and no-one could see his tears.

However, he must have managed to drift off for the next thing he heard was a series of rapid knocks on his bedroom door. His first thought was that it was his dad and he curled into a ball on his mattress and wished him gone. But then he heard his name and it came from a female voice. He crept across the room and unlocked his door to see Tasha nervously scratching at her arm.

"Cal's outside," she said. "He's not right."

Ethan squinted at her but she remained blurry without his glasses. "What do you mean?"

"I can't deal with him," she replied. "Not now. But we can't just leave him there."

"Is he drunk?"

"He's _something_."

Ethan's groaned. He retreated back into his room and located his glasses from his desk. Once he'd put them on he could see that Tasha had followed him in and was watching him with a concerned expression on her face. Her own eyes were red and he wanted to ask if she was okay, but he couldn't help both her and Cal and he had to prioritise his brother. Especially after today.

He took his coat from where it hung neatly in his wardrobe and shoved his feet into a pair of trainers. From his bag he grabbed his keys and his phone and huffed slightly in fear of what state he was about to find his brother. He forced a smile as Tasha squeezed his shoulder and waited until she was back in her own room before opening the front door.

Cal was in a heap on the floor.

Ethan could see his brother was conscious from the way he was rolling his head and twitching his leg. It looked like he was nodding along to a song only he could hear.

"Cal," he said.

His brother looked up at him in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"You're outside my flat." Ethan lowered himself to the floor and wriggled into the small gap between Cal and the front door. "Are you… okay?"

"I was trying to fight the lightning."

Ethan rubbed at his forehead. It wasn't a stormy night. He supposed it was possible that Cal was using a metaphor for the argument with their dad, but that would be most unlike Cal even if he was sober.

"Caleb," he said. "I need to apologise. I should have known. I should have done something." He took a shaky breath. "I'll never forgive Dad, _never,_ but I'll never forgive myself either."

"I hate him," Cal said.

"I hate him too. I just wish you could have told me or Mum and that it was Dad that left, not you. I'm sorry that you didn't feel you could have confided in me."

Ethan felt his brother' head flop onto his shoulder. He smiled and his chest flooded with relief that Cal was after comfort from him rather than a fight. But as his shoulder began to feel hot, he turned to his brother in alarm and placed the back of his hand against his forehead.

"Goodness, Cal, you're burning up!"

"Yeah," Cal replied. "I told you. The lightning struck me."

"The- what?"

"Are you stupid?" Cal asked.

Ethan rubbed his head again. "I'm beginning to wonder."

Cal laughed loudly and staggered to his feet. "Come on then. I'll show you."

"No, Caleb-" Ethan began, but Cal was already out of the door. He huffed. The last thing he wanted to do was wander around outside in his pyjamas. He hastened after his brother. "Cal, please," he said. "Come back!" He was cautious to keep his voice down as it was nearing four in the morning and he assumed most of his neighbours were asleep. However Cal was speeding through campus and Ethan knew he wouldn't hear him if he didn't add a little volume to his voice. "Wait for me!"

As Ethan reached a remote part of campus he was relieved to see that Cal had finally stopped running. His brother was standing underneath a lamppost staring up at the light and muttering incoherently.

"Cal," he said, breathlessly. "What are you doing?"

When he got no reply, Ethan crept closer and stood by his brother's side. He chanced a glance at the same thing Cal was staring at but his eyes burned from the direct glare of the light. Now he was near enough he could distinguish some of the things his brother was saying.

"Please," Cal was murmuring. "Not again."

"Cal, what is it?" Ethan's heart was hammering against his ribcage now. He didn't know what his brother was doing but he could tell something wasn't right. He reached out and gently laid a hand on Cal's arm.

At his touch, Cal swung round and whacked him across his cheek with the side of his hand. "No!" he yelled. "Don't touch me."

Ethan's hand flew to his throbbing cheek. He fingered the area. Cal hadn't hit him hard enough to break the skin but it was sore even when he only pressed lightly and he was sure it would bruise. He sniffed as he tried not to cry.

When he decided it was safe, he took a couple of steps towards Cal. He knew better now than to touch his brother but wanted to be close enough to uncover what was going on. He squinted at Cal. At first Cal wouldn't look at him but then his shoulder violently twitched and the movement turned his head slightly. As their eyes met, Ethan noticed that his brother's pupils were severely dilated.

Ethan felt sick with fear. It made no sense for Cal's pupils to be so large when they were standing under the light of the lamppost. There was only one explanation. And yet, he couldn't quite believe it. Surely however upset Cal had been he wouldn't have been so desperate, so _stupid_ to turn to drugs.

"Caleb," he said, with urgency. "This is really important and I need you to tell me honestly. Have you taken anything tonight? Any- any drugs?"

Cal's focus returned to the beam of light coming from the lamppost. He didn't reply.

"I won't be mad. I just- I need to know."

"I hate my dad," Cal said.

"I know." Ethan nodded encouragingly. "You've had an awfully hard day. And we can talk about it later, I promise. But right now, Caleb, I just need you to tell me if you've taken anything. Did you take something to try to make things go away?"

Cal slowly nodded his head but his gaze remained up towards the light.

"Oh, Cal," Ethan said. His body shook with compressed anger. He wanted to take Cal by the shoulders and shake him so hard that the drug flew from his body. And he wanted to take his clenched fists and drive them into someone; Cal for his stupidity or their dad for his cruelty or even himself as punishment for not being able to help sooner. His eyes burned with hot tears. "What did you take?"

Cal began to laugh.

"It's not funny," Ethan snapped. "What did you take?"

"It's got me now."

"Cal, you must tell me. I'm trying to help you."

"There was a- there was-" Cal slurred. "I dunno. A lamb or something."

The nausea in Ethan's stomach increased at his brother's nonsensical ramblings. He needed Cal to answer his question. He hadn't helped years ago when Cal was getting beaten and then kicked out by their dad and he certainly hadn't helped today by orchestrating a failed reunion. But he had the opportunity to help Cal through this and he had no intention of letting his brother down again.

"What drug did you take, Caleb?"

"To- to be happy. _She_ said." Cal violently flinched and staggered backwards out of the radius of light. He moved too clumsily to sustain the speed and soon tripped over, landing in a heap on the floor.

Ethan crouched down next to him. He was still wary of touching his brother, not wanting another bruised cheekbone, but held a hand out towards him in case he wanted the comfort. He could feel heat radiating from Cal's body.

"I can't get up," Cal said.

"I'll help you."

"There's a thing." Cal gestured wildly in the air. "Here. It won't let me."

"Cal, let's go back to mine so you can sleep this off. I'll stay up and I'll watch you to make sure you're okay."

"I think it's my baby."

"What?" Ethan asked. He wanted to cry from the exhaustion of trying to maintain his half of the conversation.

"Tasha got rid of it but I can still feel it."

Ethan froze as the news took a grip of him. "You got Tasha pregnant?" He ran a hand over his head as guilt overwhelmed him. It explained why she'd been so down recently, if she'd an abortion. It was someone else he'd failed to look after and he'd hurt both Cal and Tasha by not bothering to keep them apart.

His thoughts were interrupted by Cal.

His brother let out a pained gasp and clamped a hand to his head. He doubled over and noisily vomited, splattering the floor with sick that was almost entirely liquid. Lacking the capacity to wipe the trickles of vomit from his chin, Cal staggered to his feet and stumbled down the path away from Ethan, only half upright.

It took little more than a second for Ethan to jump to his feet and hurry after his brother but by the time their paths were level, Cal had hit the ground again and lost control.

Ethan watched with horror as his brother's limbs began to unnaturally contort as he was overcome by a violent seizure. He forcefully took a deep breath and searched for memories of first aid. Cal continued to twitch unnaturally and a trail of vomit dribbled from his mouth. Ethan's knees hit the floor. He rolled Cal onto his side so he wouldn't choke on his sick and exhibited just enough pressure to keep him there as he thrashed about. With a shaky hand he removed his new mobile phone from his pocket and dialled 999.

Cal came out of the seizure while they were still waiting for the ambulance. Now that he was still, Ethan manoeuvred him into the recovery position. He opened the top few buttons of Cal's shirt and loosened his belt. He removed his own coat and placed it under his brother's head. While he tried to reassure Cal he noticed his brother's eyes flickering slightly, but there were no other signs of consciousness.

It seemed like hours before help arrived but when sirens blared up the path, Ethan realised it hadn't been long at all. The paramedics jumped from the ambulance and one of them put a comforting hand on his back as they asked what had happened.

"He's taken something," Ethan told them in a broken voice. "I don't know what. He's had a seizure."

"Okay," the younger paramedic said. "What are your names?"

"Cal. He's Cal. Caleb Knight. I'm Ethan. He's my brother."

"Okay, Ethan," the paramedic continued. "We're going to take good care of your brother. He's definitely taken something has he? And has he been drinking as well?"

Ethan nodded. "He's- he's had a really bad day," he stuttered. It felt important that he told the paramedics that, that they understood Cal wouldn't usually behave this way.

"That's one way of putting it," the older paramedic said as he held two fingers against the pressure point on Cal's neck. He turned to his colleague "Right, he's slightly tachycardic. Temperature is very high. Let's get him on the stretcher and get a line in."

Ethan could do nothing but watch as the paramedics rolled him onto the stretcher and into the back of the ambulance. They positioned an oxygen mask over Cal's mouth and attached him to a saline drip. He sat close to Cal as the ambulance sped through the night and only moved his eyes from his brother to read the monitor he was attached to. Although he was still a very junior medical student, he knew enough to understand the readings and know that Cal was still in need of urgent treatment.

He shuffled even closer to the edge of the bench and took Cal's hand in his. Even the ends of his fingers were alarmingly hot. Ethan stroked each finger and recounted the dangers of overheating; liver failure, kidney failure, coma. Death. He shuddered. A lone tear snaked its way down his bruised cheek and he angrily wiped it away. He squeezed Cal's hand tighter and as he did so he noticed his brother's eyes flicker open.

"Cal?" Ethan whispered. He repeated himself louder this time. "Can you hear me, Cal?"

There was no response.

The paramedic patted his arm. "Don't worry, son, we wouldn't expect him to reply just yet. He's still recovering from the seizure."

Ethan looked back to his brother. His eyes were now shut. "I'm a medical student," he said, softly. "I know that."

His vision blurred with a second bout of tears as he realised how useless being a student was. He needed to learn well and qualify quickly. He needed the expertise to help his brother.

When the ambulance finally arrived at the hospital and the doors were flung open, Ethan was encased in sudden noise as staff surrounded them. He watched them help lift the stretcher out of the ambulance and then clumsily stumbled down the steps himself. He wanted to follow the trolley but they were moving quicker than his shaky legs could take him and he felt one of the paramedics leading him towards the reception desk, encouraging him to provide his brother's details.

Once he'd registered Cal, a young nurse led him to the relative's room. She offered to stay but he declined the offer, not wanting to impose. As soon as she closed the door he rested his head on his knees and let his pyjama bottoms soak up the tears.

Eventually, he heard his name. He looked up to see a smartly dressed woman with a stethoscope around her neck. She gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Caleb?" he said. "Is he?"

"Cal's going to be fine," the doctor said. She sat down next to him and offered him a tissue. "I'm Doctor Lee. I'm actually Cal's supervisor."

"Oh, gosh," Ethan said. He dabbed at his nose with the tissue. In the chaos he'd somehow forgotten that Cal's current placement was in the ED. He didn't know the exact consequences for medical students who took drugs, but he knew they couldn't be favourable. He felt sick again; he called the ambulance, he would be responsible if Cal got expelled from his course.

"Look, we'll worry about everything else later," she said, as if she'd read Ethan's mind. "But he's stable and he's going to be okay."

"Th- thank you."

"We believe that his seizure was as a result of severe overheating caused by the drug that he took. We've got his temperature back to somewhere within the normal range and we're keeping him on intravenous fluids until he's fully rehydrated." She paused. "We also have the result from his tox screen."

"Right," Ethan said. He tried to stand up.

"It was MDMA."

Ethan thudded back onto the chair. He exhaled in shock. One of his fists curled into a ball. MDMA. Ecstasy. He'd known his brother to make mistakes before but none as stupid as this.


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you to those who reviewed, it's encouraging to know that you're still reading and enjoying this and I really appreciate your kind words.

If I'm honest, I was a little disappointed to just get two reviews for the last part. I'm always uncomfortable asking for reviews but I've put so much effort into this chapter so please please leave me a couple of lines saying how you found it.

Obligatory warnings for bad language and potentially traumatic content.

Enjoy x

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Chapter 18

Cal blinked and the bright light sent a wave of pain searing through his already aching head. Amid the incessant throbbing, Cal heard someone calling his name. It sounded as if he was underwater. He felt as if he was floating face down and unable to save himself. He opened his mouth to test the theory and coughed, not from water but from the surprising revitalisation of fresh air. His throat hurt. His mouth tasted like metal. He would assume he had a hangover except he'd never felt this ill from alcohol.

And then he remembered.

He remembered screaming at his dad and telling everyone the truth. He remembered crying with his duvet shoved in his mouth so his housemates wouldn't hear. And when he'd finally composed himself he remembered going to a bar with the intention of drinking until he forgot. But the alcohol hadn't worked and when the girl had offered him a pill it didn't take much persuasion for him to give it a try. He remembered distracting lights and gawky dancers. He remembered kissing and running and fighting. He remembered Ethan watching him with fear in his eyes and confusion on his lips.

"Cal."

The voice was less distant this time and was clear enough for Cal to know who was calling him. He cracked open an eye and saw his brother at the foot of his bed, arms folded and glasses off. The world span and Cal squeezed his eyes shut, hoping Ethan hadn't noticed they'd ever been open.

"I know you're awake," Ethan said.

Cal let out a soft groan. He raised an arm and laid it across his eyes. "Don't feel well," he murmured.

"That's to be expected."

Cal whimpered. He wanted to go back to sleep but he didn't know how it was possible when his body ached from head to toe and even a soft mattress felt uncomfortable.

"What were you thinking?" Ethan persisted. "Taking _Ecstacy!?_ For goodness sake, Caleb!"

Somewhere inside his own head, Cal dimly registered the identity of the drug. He hadn't known what it was when he took it, but suspected telling Ethan that would only make things worse.

"I wish you'd come to me."

Cal heard a quiver as his brother spoke. He forced his eyes open, the white light of the ward doing nothing to ease his headache. Ethan was by his side now and Cal could see that he had red rimmed eyes and blotchy cheeks. Irrespective to their many arguments, he hated to upset his brother, especially to the point of tears.

"M'sorry," Cal said.

Ethan nodded. "And I'm sorry too." He rubbed at his forehead. "I never should have tricked you like that yesterday."

Cal remained silent. He didn't want to talk about it, especially not now when each word required all of his strength.

"I can't stop thinking," Ethan said. "Why didn't I notice? How is it conceivable that something like that went on in my house, to my _brother_ , and I didn't know?"

Cal shuffled further down in the bed, noticing the cannula in the back of his hand for the first time. He picked at it with his spare hand, fighting the urge to pull it out and run as far as his weakened legs would take him.

"I understand if you're angry with me," Ethan said. "But Caleb, it was irresponsible to have taken that drug. You could have _died_."

Cal's gaze flickered to meet Ethan's. Although part of him dreaded finding out how the night had taken a turn for the worse, it was much scarier that he may never retrieve such significant blanks.

"What happened?" he asked, quietly.

Ethan's bottom lip wobbled as he inhaled ready to explain. But before he could speak, the cubicle curtains were whipped to one side and Cal was face to face with his supervisor. As he registered the potential consequences his nausea tripled.

"What happened," Doctor Lee repeated, "was that you took an illegal substance." Her face remained stern as she checked the monitor he was attached to and scribbled down the results. "That, combined with the high level of alcohol consumption, caused your temperature to dangerously peak. You had a seizure." She paused. "If we hadn't managed to cool you down in time then you could have gone into multiple organ failure or even a coma."

Cal sniffed. He started at the foot of the bed, not brave enough to make eye contact with either of them.

"I've never been so disappointed," she continued. "I will have to report this, Cal. I have no choice."

"And then?" Ethan asked, before Cal had the chance.

"Then it's out of my hands."

Cal's head was spinning again but for different reasons than before. Working towards becoming a doctor was the one good thing he'd done in his life. Without that, he'd be nothing more than the kid who got beat up by his dad and then proved him right by fucking up.

"Please," he said.

"I can't protect you, Cal," she snapped. She took a few seconds to compose herself and then her face softened. She perched on the edge of the bed. "Look, you've got the potential to be a fantastic doctor and that _may_ act in your favour. But there's no hiding what happened today." She shook her head. "I really shouldn't be suggesting this but if you can prove that you were somehow coerced into taking it-"

"You mean lie," Ethan interrupted.

Cal looked at him. He knew what his brother was thinking and knew he was morally right; the events of the last 24 hours should have deterred him from ever lying again. Yet, if one more lie was all it took to save his career…

"I mean," the doctor continued, "there may be reasons why Cal cannot be held culpable. Perhaps he had reason to believe the pill was legal, perhaps he was not of a fit mental state to make decisions." She shrugged. "I can't say for definite but I don't think you should lose all hope just yet."

Cal managed a weak smile. Soon after he'd started his placement Doctor Lee had managed to grasp that he was estranged from his own parents. Although he'd never confirmed her suspicions, she'd taken him under her maternal wing and showed as much concern for his emotional resilience as she did to his clinical skills.

"When can I go?"

"We're keeping you on obs for a couple of hours while you finish that IV. Providing there are no further problems I imagine we'll be able to discharge you after that."

Cal nodded his consensus. He waited until she drawn the curtains behind her and then turned to face Ethan. Now that some of the redness had faded from beneath Ethan's eyes, Cal could pick out a purple bruise on his cheekbone. He stared at it, trying to recall whether he was to blame.

Ethan noticed where he was looking and reached to tenderly pat the area. "Yes, you hit me."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Caleb. I don't know what goes through someone's head while they're on drugs."

"Sorry."

"I don't need an apology," he said. "But I do need to know everything that happened."

* * *

Cal passed his house keys to Ethan and watched as his brother struggled with the awkward front door. He would have persevered but his hands were still shaky and he couldn't even fit the key in the lock.

Cal almost smiled at how ridiculous his brother looked outside in his button-up pyjamas in the middle of the day, but managed to implement a little sensitivity. Ethan would have been able to cover the embarrassing pyjamas with a coat had he not lent it to Cal, whose own shirt was too soiled with vomit to wear.

Eventually Ethan triumphed with the door. He stood back to let Cal get in from the cold first.

"Coffee?" Cal asked.

"I'll make them. Wait in your room, you look like you're about to collapse."

Cal did as he was told. He stripped out of the remains of his clothing and rummaged through his wardrobe for some comfortable jogging bottoms and a hoodie, ensuring he also found a jumper in case Ethan needed an extra layer. He managed to slump onto his bed just before his legs gave way. Although he was much better than when he had first awoke, everything still felt unpleasantly weak.

His gaze fell on an almost empty bottle of Vodka on his desk and his stomach churned. For the last few years alcohol had been the solution every time he thought about what had happened with his dad. But now Ethan was going to make him talk and he had no option but to do it sober.

He accepted a steaming mug and pulled his legs up to his chest so that Ethan could settle onto the foot end of his bed. For a few minutes neither spoke, the only noise an occasional slurp of coffee. Cal decided the silence was worse than if Ethan had rushed straight into an interrogation. The silence gave him time to dread what was about to come. He shut his eyes and wondered if he could convince his brother he was still too unwell to talk.

"I don't want to upset you," Ethan said suddenly. "I just- I need to know."

Cal placed his half drank mug down on the floor and rested his head on his knees. "I've never told anyone."

"But I'm your brother."

Cal could feel his heart hammering against his ribs at the idea of telling Ethan anything. But he knew he couldn't keep it a secret forever, especially now that it was already half in the open. "What do you want to know?"

"I- erm-" Ethan stuttered, sounding surprised at the question. "When- when did it start?"

Cal exhaled deeply. "I was about fifteen the first time," he said. "We'd had a massive argument over my grades and I stormed out to my friend's house. You remember Joe? His parents were chilled anyway but Joe managed to sneak a few bottles of booze from them and we headed to the park. I was still fuming from the argument and I think I drank most of it myself." He paused. "I remember getting drunk with the intention of pissing Dad off but I thought it would just be another row, not… you know."

"He hit you?"

"Yeah." Cal frowned. "It was past your bedtime and I think Mum had gone up as well. He started with the usual stuff, I was disgracing myself, letting the family down. And I called him something, I don't know what, a knob or- anyway he punched me in the stomach and winded me so much that I couldn't catch my breath for a few seconds." Cal pursed his lips as he fought to stay in control of his emotions. "We hadn't been getting on for a while by that point but I never thought he'd do that. He said- he said it would teach me to stop being so disobedient."

Cal could feel Ethan trying to make eye contact but he refused to look up and see the expression on his brother's face. He wasn't sure whether he'd see sympathy or anger but neither emotion were ones he wanted between them.

"And then," Ethan said, "was it during every argument? You and Dad… you argued a lot."

"Actually, it didn't happen again for a long time." Cal gave a short and bitter laugh. "And I stupidly convinced myself that he felt bad about what he'd done."

Ethan remained quiet for a long time. Cal chanced a brief look in his direction and saw that Ethan's fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

"You get the gist," Cal said, looking back down at his knees. He blinked furiously trying to dispel the threating prickle of tears. "I don't have to continue."

"No! I need to know, Caleb, I-" Ethan's voice broke on the last syllable. He turned his head but couldn't disguise the dampness in his eyes.

"Sure?"

"Go on."

"The next time was after I stayed out really late. I was sixteen, maybe seventeen; it's hard to remember exactly. Anyway, we were drinking, there was this girl... I got escorted home by the police sometime in the early morning."

"I remember. They caught you fighting in the street. You had a split lip and-"

Cal finally lifted his head and let his brother read his expression.

"Oh."

"It was Dad," Cal confirmed. "He thought the neighbours had seen the police and was furious that I'd tarnished his reputation as well as my own. He forced me to lie and say I had a fight with my friend."

"I believed him," Ethan whispered. "Oh gosh, Cal, I'm so sorry."

"I made it easy for him," Cal said. "I can see that now. I used to annoy him as much as I possibly could when you or mum were around. I knew he wouldn't swing for me in front of you so I'd just make him reach boiling point and watch him rage as he had no way to dispel the anger." Cal paused. "He got me back later, but-" He shook his head. "At first I was angry that no-one had helped me but now I can see why neither of you suspected anything. I was the one shouting abuse and as far as anyone else was concerned Dad just wanted me to do well at sixth form."

"I should have known something wasn't right."

"I didn't want you to know. I was-" Cal broke off as a tear trickled into his open mouth. He wiped at his cheek but it had little impact. "I was ashamed. Telling anyone would have made that shame real."

"Oh, Caleb," Ethan said. He'd lost his battle with his tears now and let them run down his face.

Cal leant to the end of the bed and wiped roughly at his little brother's tears. "Don't cry," he ordered, despite the fact that his own cheeks were just as wet.

"All those times," Ethan spluttered. "I tried to get you to come home. You escaped and I tried to force you back. I hated that you wouldn't."

"You didn't know."

"I should have! I don't care what you say; I should have been able to tell."

"You're my little brother, Ethan. It wasn't down to you to keep me safe." Cal took a shaky breath. "Maybe if I'd listened more, done as I was told, if I'd at least _tried_ to live up to his expectations… I don't know. Maybe it wouldn't have happened."

"Don't blame yourself!" Ethan said, unexpectedly loudly.

"No, I blame Dad," Cal assured him. "But I know I wasn't well-behaved."

Ethan ran the palms of his hands across his eyes and sniffed loudly, succeeding in stemming the majority of his tears. "Tell me what happened the night you left."

"Erm," Cal said. "Well, you and Mum were away at Gran's as you know. I was trying to sneak out, mainly because I didn't want to spend the evening alone with him, but he caught me at the front door. He grabbed me and dragged me back into the lounge, told me I wasn't going anywhere. He said, I dunno, something about not trusting me to behave respectfully, that he was going to teach me right from wrong. I, erm, kind of lost it with him, started shouting, threw that little fairy ornament of Mum's at his head. I missed but it made him madder."

Cal could feel the steady trail of tears winding their way down his face. He took a second to compose himself and was surprised at how quickly he felt ready to continue. He'd never wanted to tell this story to anyone but once he had started it had become gradually easier to get the words out.

"So then he punched me and made my nose bleed. I don't know what I was thinking, Ethan, but I was so angry I just- I swung for him. I managed to get him on the jaw. It probably hurt my hand more than it hurt him. Anyway, he grabbed me by the shoulders and he shouted something but I never worked out what it was because he shoved me so hard that I fell and landed on the corner of the coffee table. It broke. The leg fell off and I grabbed it. I dunno what I was planning really but of course _he_ thought I was going to hit him with it. So before I got the chance he snatched it off me and brought it down hard on my abdomen." Cal tried to supress a sob. "It fucking hurt. Dad disappeared. And I was still recovering when he returned with a bag of my stuff, just a little backpack with a few clothes and my wallet. He told me to get out and I didn't even question it, I just went. I couldn't stay, Ethan, I couldn't."

Cal looked at his brother. Ethan's mouth was open as if he was about to speak but nothing came out at first except for a poorly concealed gasp.

Then Ethan blinked and the tear that fell from his eye seemed to rouse him. "Were you badly hurt?"

"I didn't think I was. I headed straight for the station and got a train up here. I'd already decided I wanted to come to Uni here and I'd lied to Dad about where I'd applied to, so he had no way of guessing where I'd gone. I had a bit of money in my account so I'd planned to get a hotel for the night but I was still walking around trying to find one when I started getting shooting pains in my stomach where he'd hit me. I can't really remember much but I heard that some lady called 999 and stayed with me for a while.

"Then when I got out of hospital the council put me in a little bedsit as I was still recovering. But after a while I got a letter saying that I had no connection to the area and that they would no longer be able to accommodate me. I stayed in various hostels then, dangerous, dirty places. As soon as the University opened I went to them and they allowed me into halls early and helped me apply for grants to get kitchen equipment and stationary. It was okay then."

"It wasn't okay," Ethan said in a broken voice. "None of that should have happened to you. It's not fair!"

Cal was silent for a minute. He fiddled with the edge of the duvet to distract himself. "Yeah, I thought like that for a long time," he eventually managed. "It didn't help."

"What made you stop?"

"Somehow I think it was seeing Dad again. He's still got so much anger for me all these years later. He can't let go of it. It made me wonder how he can live with that much hatred inside of him." Cal paused. "I don't want to be like that."

Ethan buried his head in his hands. His shoulders shook. "I let you down, Cal," he sobbed. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. Anything you need. Anytime."

Cal's chest ached. He understood his brother better than Ethan would ever admit and he knew the guilt wasn't something he'd be able to let go of easily, no matter what he was told. So instead of replying, Cal crawled to Ethan's end of the bed and wrapped his arms around his little brother's neck, pulling him against his chest. He rested his chin on top of Ethan's head and watched as a stray tear dropped onto Ethan's hair.


	19. Chapter 19

As always I want to start by thanking those who reviewed the last part. You were so kind and it really does mean a lot.

I also need to apologise for the long wait for this chapter. The writing didn't come easily for this one and I'm sorry if that shows - I'm really not happy with this chapter but I'm at the stage now where editing is making it worse not better haha so I thought I'd better put it up.

This is the penultimate chapter and I will do my best to get the next one up quickly.

Warnings for mature content towards the end of this chapter, please skip over it if you're not of an appropriate age.

Please let me know what you think

* * *

Chapter 19

Ethan was already awake when the sun began to beam through the gap in his curtains. He shielded his eyes. Usually he would welcome a sunny day but now it only served to remind him that he had suffered another night with barely a morsel of sleep. It felt as if he'd been awake ever since the few hours he'd got with Cal five days ago when the exhaustion had hit and they'd drifted off in opposite ends of Cal's single bed.

Since then, his mind had become a constant hive of what ifs that refused to give him a moment's peace, even in the middle of the night. He knew he shouldn't dwell. He knew there was no way of changing the past. But, for once, logic wasn't enough.

Ethan sat up with a groan and patted the dressing table to locate his glasses. The room became less of a blur but the gift of sight did nothing to clear his head. If anything it made it worse because, now Ethan could see, he couldn't ignore how badly he had neglected his room. It was bordering on as untidy as Cal's.

He suspected that the books scattered across his desk and floor were from a pile knocked over during the argument between his Dad and Cal. With the intention of tidying, Ethan swung his legs over the side of the bed and pottered across his room barefoot. The first book he recovered was his favourite copy of _The Human Anatomy_. He was about to place it back on the shelf when he noticed a diagonal crease across the cover. Ethan's fingers traced the fold and he sighed, knowing there was no way of salvaging it.

His dismay was short lived due to a knock on his bedroom door. He assumed it was Erin and wished he had time to change out of his pyjamas and run some gel through his hair. He doubted she would mind but it was only proper of him to make an effort.

However when he opened the door, it was Tasha he saw. She had her arms folded across her midriff and was shuffling nervously from one foot to the other.

"Bit of early morning reading?" she asked, with a nod to the textbook still in his hand.

"Trying to restore some order," he replied. "But my book seems to have been in the wars." He held it out to show Tasha the offending crease but she didn't show much interest. He noticed tell-tale lines across her forehead and bags under her eyes. "Would you like to come in?"

Tasha nodded and followed him into the room. She pointedly waited until the door had swung shut before turning to face him. "I have something to tell you."

"Sounds ominous!"

She gave him a sad half-smile. "I wanted you to hear it from me," she began. "I'm going home for Easter tomorrow. And I'm not coming back."

"What?" Ethan spluttered. He could feel his heart beating unnaturally hard. "No, you have to!"

"I'm sorry, Ethan. I'm going to miss you so much. All of you. But I need a change." She gave a slight nod. "I'm going to transfer to a Uni nearer home, live with my parents for a bit."

Ethan didn't speak. Yet again, his mind was replaying the events with Cal, but this time focusing on a particular drug-addled sentence.

"Erm," Ethan said. "I think I know why you're leaving."

She looked up at him, uncertainty flashing in her eyes.

"I know about the… baby," he said.

Tasha seemed to shudder. She stared at her feet as she scuffed the toe of one shoe against the heel of the other and then squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "He shouldn't have told you."

"He didn't," Ethan said. "Well, he did. But he was out of it, he'd taken- Anyway, I doubt he remembers saying anything. He certainly hasn't mentioned it since."

Tasha looked at him and Ethan could see that her eyes were damp. "I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to think badly of me."

"I would never," Ethan said. "I just wish you didn't have to go through that on your own. Cal should have supported you."

"He offered to come with me," Tasha said quietly. "To the clinic. But it was too hard being around him, too many memories."

"And that's why you're leaving?"

She nodded. "I want a fresh start from him. From the bab… what happened." She blinked. Her eyes remained wet but no tears fell. "I don't blame Cal but I don't think I can move on while we're both still here. You understand that don't you?"

"I think so," Ethan replied. He wondered if he could ever come to terms with the cruelty within his family while the site remained their family home.

"You and Erin should visit once I'm settled in."

"It would be an honour," Ethan said.

When further conversation failed them, Ethan opened his arms and let Tasha step into his embrace.

* * *

Ethan arrived earlier than they had agreed so was surprised to see Cal at his bedroom window, as if he had been waiting for him. Ethan followed his brother upstairs, still debating the prudence of telling Cal about Tasha's imminent departure. But before he could decide, Cal turned to him with a grim look on his face.

"I heard from the placement manager."

"Right," Ethan said. "Well?"

"It's going on my permanent records. And I've got to meet with the Pastoral Manager weekly until the end of the year."

"But you're still on the course?"

"Yeah."

Ethan exhaled as his apprehension lifted. "That's great."

"Great?!" Cal echoed. "Pastoral Care? Come on!"

"They just want to make sure you're okay," Ethan said. "That you're not going to take anything as a way to deal with your problems again."

Cal scowled. "Well, I'll tell them that I won't."

"And they'll want to monitor how you're feeling.

"I'm not going to tell them how I'm _feeling_ ," Cal said sounding aghast. "Seriously, Ethan, what the hell am I meant to say?"

Ethan chewed the inside of his lip as he hesitated. "You could talk about Dad? It might help."

Cal shook his head but Ethan was relieved that he didn't look upset or angry at him for bringing it up.

"It'll be a total waste of time," Cal said.

"It could have been worse. At least you're still on the course."

"Yeah, with a shitload of revision to do!"

Ethan's lips twitched into a smile. "Oh, so you've finally grown out of fluking exams?"

"How dare you, Nibbles! I've fluked nothing. It's my natural talent that got me all those A's."

Ethan laughed. It wasn't particularly funny but he was so grateful to hear Cal joke around like normal despite the turmoil of the past week.

"I suspect you've got your nose in your books like usual," Cal continued. "I keep telling you first year exams don't matter."

"Actually, I'm a little behind too. But they do matter, I still have to pass."

"Ethan, you could get forty percent even if they tied your both hands behind your back and made you hold the pen in-between your toes."

"Ignoring that peculiar image," Ethan replied. "I don't like to be presumptuous. Erin and I have been revising throughout the year. It's just recently that our motivation has dwindled."

"I see." Cal winked at him. "Your _motivation_ has shifted to other activities."

"Caleb!"

A flicker of remembrance ran across Cal's face. "Hang on a minute," he said. "You told me you were going to have sex with Erin the day that- you know- and that was clearly a lie." Cal smirked. "So you still haven't slept with her?!"

Ethan felt his cheeks glow. "It's none of your business."

"You need to get on with it, Nibbles."

"Look," Ethan said. "Not that I am in any way obliged to talk to you about this, but we're waiting until we're ready. Our relationship is based on much more than, um… that."

"What a lovely sentiment." Cal said, "But if you need any reassurance then I can tell you that losing your virginity is not as big a deal as people make it out to be."

"Well you would say that," Ethan quipped. "A broom closet or bathroom floor I imagine?"

"Stacey Thomas's mum's bed," Cal replied.

"Stacey. Really?"

"I didn't say it was with Stacey."

Ethan pulled a face at his brother's frankness and was on the verge of a comeback when his phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. "It's Mum."

"I'm not here," Cal said.

Ethan's brows creased in concern but he answered the call anyway. As he greeted his mother, Cal lit a cigarette and strode to the window to exhale.

"Are you still coming home tomorrow?" his mum asked.

"Yes, of course."

Ethan heard his mum sigh deeply down the phone.

"Is that- is that okay?"

"Oh, I can't wait to see you, sweetheart," she said. "It's just, things with your dad… Oh Ethan, we've split up."

"You've split up?"

At Ethan's words, Cal swung round to face him, the cigarette still between his lips. Even after he blew the smoke into the room his mouth remained open in surprise.

"I hope you're not too upset," she continued. "But I couldn't stay with him after those monstrous things he did to Caleb."

"No, no," Ethan said. "I'm pleased."

"You don't hate me?"

"Never, Mum."

There was a pause. "Does Cal?"

Ethan's eyes flickered to his brother who still looked stricken with shock. "I don't think so," he said softly, "but you'll need to ask him."

Ethan extended his arm, offering the phone to Cal. His brother looked at it as if he'd never seen a mobile phone before. His hand twitched as if he wanted to take it but then he shook his head and took a step further back.

Ethan returned the phone to his ear and heard his mum mid-sentence. "Mum, sorry, just give me a moment." He stood up and moved next to Cal. With a single encouraging nod he held the phone out again.

Eventually Cal took a deep drag of his cigarette then passed it to Ethan so that they could swap items. Ethan didn't know what to do with the cigarette and held it delicately between two fingers, watching the end burn.

"Mum, it's me," Cal said.

Ethan heard his mum squeal his brother's name but after that the conversation became one sided and he could only guess what Cal was replying to.

"Alright," Cal said. "Yeah, I'm okay." There was a long pause while Cal listened. "No, mum, don't get upset. It's fine."

Ethan studied his brother's expression but before he could determine the nature of the conversation, Cal turned away and any cues were hidden.

"I don't know," Cal said with a sigh. "Because it'll be weird." Another pause. "No it's not to do with you. Or Ethan. It's just-" Cal ran a hand over his head. "Well maybe for a bit… Yeah… Yeah, okay then. Bye"

Ethan had no choice but to accept the phone as Cal thrust it back into his palm. His brother seized the cigarette from him and idly tapped the accumulated ash onto his bedroom floor. Ethan looked from the dirty carpet back to the screen of the phone. It was blank now, their mum having ended the call.

"What did she say?"

"Oh," Cal said, as if he had forgotten already. "She wants me back home."

"And are you coming?"

Cal gave a nonchalant shrug but couldn't completely hide his smile. "Well someone's got to keep you company on the train, right?"

* * *

As Ethan approached his flat he could hear the beat of loud dance music. The sound was synonymous with a night out and, while it wasn't unusual for his housemates to have a spontaneous drinking session, he was surprised that they'd chosen to do so the night before they had long journeys home.

He reluctantly opened the door to his flat and was immediately pounced upon by Tasha. She threw her arms around his neck with such zest that she slopped some of her drink down his back. He shivered as the liquid trickled beneath his collar.

"It's my leaving party, Ethan!" she cried. "You have to get drunk. For me!"

"Oh, I-" Ethan said.

Tasha leant forwards and waved her finger to shush him. She removed his satchel, dumped it outside his door and grabbed his wrist to drag him towards the kitchen. Ethan was too bewildered to manage even the slightest protest.

The kitchen was full of people, some of whom Ethan knew but others were no more than vaguely familiar faces from Tasha's course. Throw the noisy crowd, he searched for Erin. He found her amid an animated conversation with a boy he didn't recognise and so bustled through as quickly as he could without getting any more drinks spilt on him.

Erin waved and almost dropped the half empty bottle of wine in her hand. "Ethan, you came!"

"I do live here," he joked.

"Thanks for clarifying!"

Ethan felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He knew he'd been spending a lot of time with his brother recently but he had made a promise to himself, as well as Cal, that he would always be there for him.

"Have I been neglecting you recently?"

Erin's face softened. "Oh, I didn't mean to make you feel guilty," she said. "I know you've needed to support Cal. It's just- I'm going to miss you over Easter so I want to spend as much time as possible with you before then.

Ethan took Erin's free hand in his. He would have liked to have held both her hands but the other was still firmly clutching the bottle of wine. "You can see as much of me as you like."

"Is that a euphemism?"

"What? No." As Ethan replayed what he had said to raise the question he felt his cheeks heat up in realisation.

Erin took a swig straight from the bottle. "That's a shame," she said. Her eyes flickered to his.

"Um, you mean?"

"Yeah. If you want to."

Ethan felt nerves settle in the pit of his stomach. "Could I, er, have a bit of that wine?"

"You need to get drunk to sleep with me?" she asked. "How flattering!"

"No, no, no," he stuttered, "I-"

"I'm teasing," Erin said with a grin. "Here you go."

Ethan would have rather found a wine glass, even if it meant having to wash one clean, but when Erin lifted the bottle to his lips he automatically parted them to let the sweet rose run down his throat. Once he'd had enough he guided the bottle away but a small rivet of wine ran down his chin. Erin laughed and wiped it away.

"Let's find Tasha," she said, "this evening's for her. We can be together later."

Tasha spent the evening bouncing between sad and excited as rapidly as she changed drinks and Ethan tried to ensure he was there for her every mood. He even accepted a shot for the first time since Fresher's week because she dramatically announced it would be their last chance to drink one together.

Although Tasha was rightly the centre of attention, Ethan could feel Erin's eyes lingering on him at every opportunity. He didn't want anyone to guess what their plans so he tried not to react any more than to return her secret smile and rub the goose bumps on his arms.

But by the time they helped a sleepy yet happy Tasha into bed, Ethan was trembling with nervous excitement. They locked themselves in Erin's room and stared at each other in anticipation.

It was Erin who moved first, taking two steps closer to Ethan and kissing him vehemently.

He responded with enthusiasm and pulled her close. His mind was racing with apprehension and excitement and the feel of Erin against his lips. They pulled away to asses each other and he replied to her questioning smile with a nod.

He let her unfasten his shirt buttons one by one and slide the material off his shoulders. He supposed most men were unfazed by their own nudity, but he wasn't even comfortable returning from the communal shower topless and always took his dressing gown to wear as he walked back to his room.

When Erin took a step backwards he told himself it was over. But then she pulled her top over her head and reached behind her to fiddle with her bra clasp. Even seeing her in that state of undress was incredible and he felt his body begin to react to it. When she let the bra drop to the floor, he stared determinedly over her shoulder.

"You can look," she said, a tinge of amusement in her voice. "I _want_ you to look."

His eyes returned to her body and he gave a short intake of breath. He was still in a state of astonishment, when he felt her take his hand and guide it to her chest. He moved his fingers slowly across her skin, barely able to breathe. She pressed herself against his hands and leaned forwards to kiss him gently. Her lips were familiar to him now but everything else was alien and wonderful.

"Okay?" she murmured against his lips.

"Yes," he said. It was all he could manage.

"Are you sure? We don't have to."

"I want to," he whispered, "as long as you do."

She smiled and kissed him again. "I want to."

As their kisses grew deeper, Ethan was only barely aware of Erin undoing her own jeans. She pulled away from him to slide two layers down her legs and step out of the garments. They returned to the embrace and Ethan could feel his heart beating heavily as he realised he had a completely naked girl in his arms.

He knew the next stage was to take his own trousers off but his brain wouldn't connect with his fingers and so stood submissively while Erin undid him and tugged his trousers and his boxers to his ankles. There was a only a few seconds to worry about being on display before Erin's hands were on him and his body felt as if it was on fire.

He placed his hands on her bare hips and then wondered if that wasn't enough. He moved one hand to her waist and stroked her hair with the other. He titled her chin upwards so that their lips met. She kissed him back and let out a tiny moan. Before Ethan had time to prepare himself he was pushed backwards and fell onto the bed with Erin on top of him.

As they continued to explore each other's bodies, Ethan's nerves began to fade. Being alone with a girl as wonderful as Erin was enough reassurance that he was going to get this right.


	20. Chapter 20

Okay, so here it is, the final part.

I have had so many ups and downs with this story and can't quite believe I've made it to the end. If nothing else, it is certainly my longest word count on this site and potentially my longest story ever.

I wrote a few paragraphs about this story which I was going to post as a kind of after note - but I got worried it was a bit too self indulgent and decided not to publish it after all (although if anyone is interested, let me know!). What I do still want to say though is that my intention with this fic was to make a plausible backstory for the characters as we know them now and I hope I have managed to do this.

Of course, the most important bit of my final authors note is to thank everyone who has read, alerted, favourited or reviewed my story. Every single review has made me really happy and I appreciate it so much. One last time, please, please could you leave a few words letting me know what you think.

I really hope you enjoy reading this and that I've done the ending justice.

x

* * *

Chapter 20

Cal fidgeted. The train seats were uncomfortable and there was so little room between them that his long legs were pressed up against the chair in front. He regretted racing Ethan to the window seat now as otherwise he could have stretched his legs into the aisle. He shifted again and accidently elbowed Ethan in the side.

Ethan huffed. "Can't you sit still for a minute?"

"I'm trying to get comfy," Cal said. "It's alright for you; you're short."

"I'm not!"

Cal chuckled. There was no denying that his little brother was on the small side no matter what Ethan might claim.

"Don't laugh at me, Caleb."

Cal shuffled in his tiny seat so that he could look Ethan face on. "You can't _still_ be annoyed about earlier!"

"I'm yet to recover from the embarrassment," Ethan told him.

"You turned the colour of a tomato."

"Yes, thank you, I was well aware of that."

"I don't understand why you were embarrassed anyway," Cal said. "All I said was congratulations."

"That's not strictly true."

Cal tried to recall his exact words. "Ah, yes," he grinned at the memory. "I congratulated you on losing your V plates."

"In front of Erin," Ethan reminded him.

"So? Don't tell me you tried to pass off as experienced."

"No, no, she knew-"

"You're going red again."

"-but I didn't appreciate the insinuation that I have discussed such matters with you."

Cal rolled his eyes. "Nibbles, you were so obvious. Of course I worked out what you'd been up to when I saw you kissing her like _that_."

"If you'd knocked first you wouldn't have seen anything!"

Cal reached over to pinch Ethan's cheeks. "Look at you, a man at last!"

Ethan swatted his hand away. "I could go and sit elsewhere, you know."

"You could," Cal replied. "But that would mean standing up and showing your face to all the people in this carriage who have overheard that you lost your virginity last night."

Ethan slumped lower in his seat. "Shut up, Caleb."

"All that kissing! Honestly, I thought we were going to miss the train."

"I wish I had."

"So you could have had round two?"

Ethan shot him a glare and retrieved a book from his satchel. He opened the book at random and placed it pointedly on the fold-out table.

Cal sighed as he turned to stare out of the window. The miles of grey countryside were far less of an effective distraction than winding up his brother. He couldn't help but remember the last time he made this journey, albeit in the opposite direction, when he had fled his father's abuse. Although his cramped knees were still uncomfortable, it was nothing compared to the pain he'd had in his side that day from where his father had hit him with the table leg.

He wasn't sure how he'd feel being back in the same house where that had happened. For years he had tried to bury the memories but it had become harder to do so now that others knew the truth and he suspected it would be near impossible when faced with the exact bit of carpet he'd been sprawled on when his dad presented him with a bag of his things and told him to get out.

Cal knew he wouldn't have agreed to visit home had it not been for the reassurance that his brother was going as well. Since their heart to heart, Ethan promised on a daily basis to be there for him. It was both overwhelming and the kindest thing anyone had ever said.

He looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye. Ethan's gaze was still on his book but he didn't appear to be reading or even pretending as no pages were getting turned. Cal groaned. He hadn't meant to annoy Ethan but sometimes words tripped out of his mouth without him realising what he was saying, especially when there was something more poignant on his mind.

"I was only teasing, you know," he said softly.

The corner of Ethan's mouth twitched. "I know."

"I'm getting it out my system before we get home," Cal continued. "I'm presuming you don't want Mum to know about your night of passion?"

"Goodness, no," Ethan said. "And don't call it that."

"I could run some other terms past you, if you prefer..?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Ethan said but he was smiling this time. "But if you insist on talking, you can help me revise." He plonked his textbook on Cal's lap. "Test me."

"You are the most boring person I've ever met," Cal said.

"That's not what Erin told me."

Cal spluttered in surprise at his brother's candour and nearly dropped the book. When recovered, he flicked through the pages. "Well. The Gynaecology section it is."

* * *

When the train finally pulled into the station, Cal was relieved to be able to stretch his legs. He peered out of the door and saw his mum at the back of the platform, waving blindly at the train, unable to locate them. He would have laughed except for the sudden kick of nerves in his stomach.

"Right," he muttered, as the door clicked open.

Ethan gave his shoulder a fleeting squeeze from behind.

Cal would have preferred it if his brother was leading the way, but the only way he could orchestrate that was by waiting by the side of the train as Ethan climbed down. He felt that the longer he lingered by the train, the more inclined he'd be to jump back on board and so he strode forwards hoping that his bold steps disguised his urge to escape.

He was so focused on acting confident that he didn't see his mum and ended up colliding with her open arms. Her embrace tightened and he suspected she thought he'd walked into her deliberately.

"Caleb," she said, "Oh, Caleb, I've missed you."

He rested his chin on her shoulder and inhaled the soft smell of washing powder that emanated from her coat. It was a smell he hadn't realised he associated with her until now.

"I've missed you too, Mum," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "My poor boy! I should have protected you!"

Cal could feel his mum shaking in his arms. He uncomfortably stroked her hair. He didn't want apologies and regrets, he wanted them all to move on as quickly as possible, but if the awkward conversations had to be held then he'd much rather they weren't done in the middle of a very public train station.

"We'll talk at home, yeah, Mum?"

He nodded encouragingly as she looked up at him. He could see her eyes were damp but recognised the firmly set jaw as a sign she was trying to battle with her emotions. She released him with one arm, but only to pull Ethan towards her. Cal felt his brother crash into his side as they were squashed in a three way hug.

"This was easier when you were little," their mum said with a forced laugh.

"He better stop eating all the pies then or you'll never get your arms around him!" Cal said, directing a smirk towards Ethan.

"Cal has pizza four times a week, Mum," his brother replied in revenge. "And beans on toast on the remaining days."

"Ethan set off the fire alarm by burning a roast dinner. The whole block had to be evacuated."

"Yet _Cal_ still ate double portions of roast potatoes despite them being black."

"Yes, because they were the only edible part of the meal."

"The meal I cooked for you for free. The meal you didn't help prepare or help wash up afterwards."

"Hey, I bought you a beer!"

"And then drank it yourself!"

Cal hesitated as he struggled for a comeback, knowing Ethan was right. He was still trying to come up with something witty, when his mum started to laugh. The noise was croaky as if it was stuck in her throat and he suspected she'd not laughed in a long time. He began to join in and it was only seconds before Ethan was chuckling as well.

* * *

"I bought you something," his mum said. "I'll go get it. It's not wrapped; seemed a bit silly to do so when it's not your birthday or Christmas."

Cal perched on the edge of the sofa. It wasn't comfortable but he didn't feel inclined to lean back. He didn't feel capable of adopting a position of relaxation when bone in his body was filled with tension from being back in the house he'd hated.

He remembered the room having floral wallpaper but it was now painted in uneven shades of cream. Cal assumed it had been a recent change as there were thin patches on the walls where the old style flowers were almost visible and their dad wouldn't have allowed such an imperfection in his house.

The mantelpiece was empty except for a vase of dying flowers but Cal knew there had once been family portraits on either end. The first portrait had been a horribly posed for one when he was about five and Ethan still a toddler, the four of them all in the middle of shouting 'cheese'. It was an embarrassing picture but not as bad as the second, which had showed them on a family holiday by the beach. He'd styled his hair in curtains back then, which was bad enough on its own, but the photo also exhibited him in the midst of a teenage mood swing, looking sulky while everyone else smiled. He'd never fathomed how that picture had made it into a frame but could understand why it had been taken down.

His eyes met Ethan's and he registered that his brother had been watching him for some time. Cal managed a smile but only got a half-hearted one in return.

"Okay?" Ethan mouthed.

He nodded. He remembered a museum he'd gone to years ago with school which demonstrated replica lounges from various different decades. They'd been accurate down to the freeze frame on television and the snacks on the coffee table. He felt a bit like he was in one of those rooms now; everything looked realistic but he felt like an imposter in somebody else's life. He struggled to imagine thinking of it as home again.

His mum returned with her hands held behind her back. "I don't know if it's the right one," she said. "These things are lost on me! When we got Ethan's it was Dav-." Her lip wobbled as she avoided saying her husband's name. "But I asked the man in the shop and he assured me it was the newest model."

Cal accepted the small box she thrust in his hands. He could see straight away that it was a mobile phone, something he'd longed for. It was a good one as well, the same make that Gus had recently got shipped from America.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"It's perfect. Thanks Mum."

"There's one catch," she said, with a smile. "You have to phone me!"

Cal struggled his way into the box and pulled out the shiny grey phone. "I'm sure I can manage that," he said as he examined the object.

"And text me before you turn up at my flat," Ethan added.

Cal looked up to grin at his brother. "Where's the fun in that? It's much more entertaining to turn up unannounced, who knows what you might be up to!"

Ethan shot him a warning glare. "I might be out. It would save you the journey, that's all."

Cal knew better than to continue but couldn't help but snicker at Ethan's reaction. Luckily, a series of beeps from his new phone hid the noise so that their mum didn't question why he was laughing.

"I know a little present can't solve everything," she continued, "but I'm sure we'd have bought you a mobile phone long before now if you'd still been at home, so it's only right that you have one."

"Thank you."

During the silence that followed, Cal could sense the conversation was on the verge of getting deeper but desperately wished that he was wrong. He tried to think how he could delay it, but even methods of teasing Ethan had vanished from his mind.

His mum took his hand and squeezed it tightly. "I got everything wrong, didn't I? All I wanted was to bring you up the best I could, both of you, but instead I put you in danger! It's all my fault."

"No, Mum," Cal said. " _You_ never hit me."

"But I should have stopped him. I should have known what he was doing!"

"How could you have?"

"Because I'm your Mum!"

Cal exhaled slowly, recognising the despair in her voice. His eyes flickered to Ethan but his brother was sat completely still, clearly listening but not available for input.

"You always told us to come to you if we needed help," Cal said. "But I didn't. I thought I could handle it and by the time I realised I couldn't, it was too late."

"You can tell me now?"

Cal wriggled his hand out of his mum's grip. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, Caleb, it's not healthy for you to keep it all to yourself."

Cal shrugged and fought the urge to tell her that's exactly what he'd been doing for years. "Ethan knows."

She sighed. "I need to understand, Cal. I need to know how I missed it."

"Mum, look, I don't want to talk about it!" Cal found himself on his feet. "I didn't come home to talk about the past, I just- I wanted my mum back, okay? But if you can't accept that I don't want to talk about it then forget it. I've managed by myself before."

As Cal stormed upstairs, he could hear his mum call after him. He hadn't wanted an argument but being back in the house filled his head with such hostility that he felt it would only take the slightest thing before he exploded.

His bedroom had changed even more than the lounge and had been decorated as a perfectly anonymous guest room, in whites and creams that should have been soothing but only made him angrier. His room had once been a work of art with pictures from magazines pasted across the walls and scribbled signatures and musings on the wall by his bed. It had been his only sanctuary of control in an otherwise stringent house.

He was still scowling at the changes when he felt his little brother's presence behind him.

"Mum's upset," Ethan said.

"Right, and that's my fault?"

Ethan's frown was enough of an answer.

"I just want to forget it ever happened, Ethan, I don't see why that's a problem."

"Caleb, you didn't see what she's been like since you left," Ethan replied. "It broke her heart. She cried every day for weeks. I tried to look after her but not matter what I did or said it wasn't enough because I wasn't _you_." He removed his glasses to rub at his weary eyes. "She thought she was never going to see you again."

"So she wiped all traces of me from the house?"

"Dad did," Ethan said. "He said it would help her move on."

"Bullshit."

"Evidently. And Mum never moved on. Now she's got you back, the thing that terrifies her more than anything is losing you again."

"How do you know?"

Ethan was silent for a few moments while he polished his glasses on a handkerchief and returned them to his face. "Because I feel the same," he said.

Cal felt a lump in his throat and was suddenly overcome with the fear that he may cry. Instead, he stepped forwards and gripped Ethan's shoulder so tightly he was surprised his brother didn't squirm away. "Nibbles, whatever happens next, you're never going to lose me."

Ethan gave an embarrassed nod. "Good."

"Although," Cal said. "You may regret that in the years to come."

"Why is it I can imagine you living with me rent free, not contributing to any housework, and reminding me of this conversation every time I protest?"

"Sounds like an invitation."

"Hardly!"

"Hey, there's no going back on it now!" Cal said. He gave a final pat on Ethan's shoulder. "Come on, I suppose I better go and convince mum she's stuck with me too."

With Ethan's polite intervention, Cal managed to reach a compromise with his mum. Although he wasn't ready to recall the bad memories of what happened with his dad, he agreed to tell her everything that had happened since.

He talked about University, about his friends and housemates, about how much he loved the area and which pubs were the best. He talked about his grades, his placement in the Emergency Department and his hopes to work on a similar ward in the future.

He told his mum about how shocked he'd been to see Ethan arriving at Halls that day and laughed at memories of Ethan getting drunk on his first night out. He explained that it had been difficult and they'd had arguments at times. But he said that they had repaired their relationship now and that they were friends as well as brothers.

He said that getting Ethan back in his life was the best thing that ever happened to him but having her back, may just be a joint first.


End file.
